So many times, I get asked the question, “I want a better marriage, so what should I do…

… to get him to engage with me?”
…to get her to be interested in things I’m interested in?”

It’s a great question — to a point.   I’m guessing that the majority of us would agree that we, too, want a better marriage.  The rest of us are either in a really good place in our relationship,  in denial, or have already checked out and don’t care.

We all long to have a good marriage.  Why would we go through courtship and plan a wedding and move in together combining lives and direction, if  we didn’t think it would be good- and good for us?  So that’s a given.

The problem with the question isn’t “I want a better marriage”.  The problem comes in the rest of it.  So often we want something to change and our first thought is “what I can do to get him/her to do it?”  That’s a problem!  You see, we have very little control over what our spouse does or doesn’t do.  Oh sure, we can speak into that or we can make requests, or even nag and make it really miserable if they don’t do what we want.  But we can’t MAKE them do anything with a heart that says love to you.  That is something only they can do, only they can work on.

The question really is ‘I want a better marriage, so what can I do?”

OUCH!  I hear you say, “That’s not what I wanted to hear.”  But isn’t that really all you can control.  You have the power to make some significant changes in your marriage  by looking at your own motives, behaviors and responses.  No, it doesn’t mean that if you do all this, it will guarantee your marriage will be GREAT.  It does take two to make it great.

But YOUR GREAT MARRIAGE STARTS WITH YOU!

The questions then become:

• What can I do to make my marriage better?
• What role do I play in whether it’s good or not?
• What am I doing, or not doing that could make him/her want to respond to me in a great way?

I didn’t say it was easy.  I didn’t say it was a quick fix.  But I promise, you will be amazed at what you see happen when you quit focusing on what ‘they’ are doing and start focusing on yourself.  The outcome can blow you away.

That’s what GREEN HOPE COACHING wants to help you do-  Be amazed at your GREAT MARRIAGE!

At GHC,

• we can give you information.  That can be really helpful, but do little to change anything in your marriage,  Unless you are willing to take that information and translate it into your way of living it out.
• we can ask you questions.  That can be really insightful, but only if you answer honestly and listen to & learn from your own answers.
• we can build you platforms to practice.  That can be really empowering, but only if you do the work of continuing to apply what you learn.

I know you have a lot of issues with your spouse.  Some of that just comes with being two different individuals trying to make one marriage work.  Some of it is because having lived together, you know how to set each other off. And sometimes we do that on purpose to protect ourselves.  Not to mention, lot’s of other issues  that come up.   Many of those things will probably need to be addressed sooner than later.  So you probably feel like I’m picking on you a little bit.

But what if YOU can be sure YOU have done all YOU can do on YOUR end?  Hey, you are the one that has listened to the end of this message. ( read to the bottom of this newsletter.)  You are the one that sees the problem.  I always told my kids, “If God gives you the eyes to see something that needs done, it’s probably because He has given you the potential to do something about it.”

You see it!   YOU have a lot of potential. You have the power to influence  your marriage to be GREAT!

So …how about it?  Are you in?

Good deal!  I’ll be seeing more of you then!  Over the next year GHC will be focusing on “What can I do to make my marriage great?”  You will want to get in on some of the great training and coaching opportunities, as well as, the events planned just for you and your sweetheart to enjoy and be inspired together.

Just remember, YOUR GREAT MARRIAGE STARTS WITH YOU!

I recently ran across a letter that Ann Landers received from a reader that went like this:

Dear Ann Landers:

Why would any husband adore a lazy, messy, addlebrained wife? Her house looks as if they’d moved in yesterday. She never cooks a meal. Everything is in cans or frozen. Her kids eat sent-in food. Yet this slob’s husband treats her like a Dresden doll. He calls her “Poopsie” and “Pet,” and covers the telephone with a blanket when he goes to work so she can get her rest. On weekends he does the laundry and the marketing.

I get up at 6 a.m. and fix my husband’s breakfast. I make his shirts because the ones in the stores “don’t fit right.” If my husband ever emptied a wastebasket, I’d faint. Once when I phoned him at work and asked him to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home, he swore at me for five minutes. The more you do for a man, the less he appreciates you. I feel like an unpaid housekeeper, not a wife. What goes on anyway?

—The Moose (That’s what he calls me.)

Ann’s response is classic. She responded:

A marriage license is not a guarantee that the marriage is going to work, any more than a fishing license assures that you’ll catch fish. It merely gives you the legal right to try.

She’s got a point!  So how are you doing?  Add a comment below to let me know what you think.

Remember, YOUR GREAT MARRIAGE STARTS WITH YOU!
Kathy