How many of us will honestly admit that we experience fears and 
insecurities – as a mom? at my job? at school? at home? Most if not all of us will confess that we are afraid! It is a common emotion that strikes to the heart of us- sometimes paralyzing our next move, sometimes forcing us to move with caution, sometimes just what we need to know we are going the right way.
I recently read a book by Henry Nouwen. He shared these words. ”
There is a story of an elderly woman that was being admitted into a psychiatric hospital. She was wild, swinging at everything in sight. The staff was so concerned by her behavior that they had to take everything away from her. But she made a fist so tight and would not give up. It took two people to pry open her clenched hand. In it was one small coin. It was her last possession. Her fear made her believe if they took it, she would have nothing more, she would be nothing more.
As I read, my immediate thought was, “I don’t want to be that woman.” Our mind does strange things to us when we are afraid. We become full of thoughts of ‘what else’ ‘what if’ ‘what can I do’.
Our hearts begin to tense up and build walls to protect ourselves,
Our hands begin to gather those we love close to us and grab at things that are important- things we think we can control and we begin to squeeze so hard that our finger nails start cutting into the palm of our hands and our KNUCKLES BECOME WHITE!!!
When we lived with closed fists and ‘white knuckles”, what does it feel like? Go ahead! Close your fists- think of your what your body does when it gets afraid!
Stance of a boxer- fists in front- defensive- punch you out- face it tense- consuming all energy, more tense.
What happens when we try to love people when we are in that position? Yeah- we punch them out! They feel our tension and fear and the decided to stay at a distance.
What happens when we live open hands? Yes, try it! Go from fists up- to open handed!
Hands open- how does that feel? What can you do with open hands?
To welcome your toddler (arms open)
To cheer on your kids (clap)
To pray (intimately)
To praise (authentically)
To celebrate ( joyously)
To shake hands (warmly)
To help someone (generously)
Living in a white knuckle world is not easy. I know! I’ve lived in one!
I’ve learned two things:
- To live with my hands wide open
- To keep my nails short incase if forget.
What are the fears we get white knuckled about? (Use a sheet of paper or your computer to list your fears in vertical line.)
Some I expect to hear from some of you are:
- Fear of losing my child
- Fear of losing my husband and having to raise our children my self
- Fear of messing up- screwing up my kids
- Fear of making right decisions for health or discipline
- Fear of current events
- Fear of losing my own identity- things I love to do- friends
- Fear of going to work- fear of staying home
- Fear of judgment of others
- Fear I won’t perform, won’t measure up
- Fear of our children’s fears
I’ve experienced most of those and a few more. My list has looked like this over the years.
- Experienced significant health issues
- Walked with my daughter through an eating disorder
- I’ve messed up my kids- regret, sadness, disappointment
- Walked away from the only job I ever dreamed of having- security, identity,
- I’ve lost a daughter-lot’s of stories there.
- Trying to launch a new career at the age of 50- so many fears
A few weeks ago, I went back through my journals and noticed how many times God asked me to Open My Hands in the middle of those fearful times. To do that, you have to trust, courage & it feels like you can’t be afraid. Or at least you have to do it afraid.
Consider the words that were spoken so often in the Bible, “Do not be afraid!”
Do a word study on that phrase. Type it in to Biblegateway.com and see how many time is comes up in your favorite translations. Over and over in the old testament. Since we are in the Christmas season, let’s consider when these words were used in the Christmas story alone.
Luke 1
- But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John.
What was Zechariah’s WHITE KNUCKLE Fear: not ever having a son-not passing on his ‘contribution’ to the world.
- But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God.31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.
What was Mary’s WHITE KNUCKLE Fear: I’m not married, what will people think? What will Joseph think? My parents? oh my!
Matthew 1
- An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.
What was Joseph’s WHITE KNUCKLE Fear: I spent my whole life trying to to the right things and now this? Mary? God? Are you sure? Will people think I’m trustworthy when they find out she is pregnant. Or will they think I’m lying.
Luke 2
- the angel said to them (the shepherds), “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
What was the shephed’s WHITE KNUCKLE Fear: What was that? Did we really see that? People already think we are scum, who would believe us?
TODAY IN YOUR HOUSE: in your heart? in your family?
What is your WHITE KNUCKLE Fear?
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
We will consider in our next post, what it takes to LIVE with OPEN HANDS in a white knuckle world! Click here to read on!
Thank you, Kathy. I’m asking the Holy Spirit to pry open my hands.
I’ve been there Cheryl! I’ve learned it is much more pleasant if I choose to open them myself. Not easy- but better! I’ll ask the Holy Spirit to prompt you as He is me- to open one finger at a time- and be amazed!