Category Archives: fear

The Day I Made A Word: Cele-dread

Reposted from 4 years ago…

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Cele-dreaded this day!

This is the day – you know –
the one you CELEBRATE  because it acknowledged a great accomplishment by people you care about.
But also the day you DREAD because it reminded you that something is not right about this day.
I’ve worked hard to ‘prepare’ myself for this day
I didn’t know how having it all happen just before Mother’s Day might affect me!
I’ve cried- or needed to cry- often
I couldn’t figure out why-
Why do I feel so very sad
Why do I feel so full of grief
Why can’t I stop thinking about her
Why…does…it…hurt…so…bad…???
This is the day when
her close friends are graduating,
I’ve known that Jameson & Kelsey & Abby were all graduating this May. I’ve been excited for them and watched closely as they posted pictures and updates of all that is happening and all the plans to come.
This is the day when her sisters, Caitlin & Brielle,
are getting engaged,
and hunting for the right dresses
And choosing bridesmaids,  and colors, and flowers
and planning showers, and weddings and receptions
But this also the day I remember- that she isn’t here!
The day I ponder in so many ways what could have been, if only…!
This could have been her year to graduate from some college
To have a boyfriend
Maybe even to be getting married too.
I can see it happen.
I celebrate these dear people and the steps they are taking
But I dread the emotion because it reminds me that it will never, ever be ‘right’.
No matter how hard I/we all try.
She will always be gone- the bold, boisterous, life of the party, troublemaker that she was
We will always miss her presence with us
I always miss her
Cele-dread!
But today Tim read 1 Cor 13- 3 times he read it during Shalom
Each time the words I heard were
‘if we do not love, we are nothing.’
I loved!
I still love!
Just because she is in heaven doesn’t mean I have quit loving her!
It’s because I love that this day hurts so very deep.
It’s my love that causes my heart to break
On this day
On all of these days of celebration.
As I look as these precious people- men and women that she loved too!
Some that she never got to meet
I rejoice for what God is doing in them- through them- around them
I celebrate the love I feel for them- and they for me
I cherish it!
I could NOT not love them.
That would be far worse to me
To have never have loved at all
It might mean that it would not hurt so much now
But what would make life worth living without that love.
I could fear losing and therefore not love so that I would not get hurt
But truly to ‘not have love, means I have nothing’
I have a heart that is full- of emotion, of sadness yes, but also of joy, and gratitude,
For the life I knew
For the sense that I am loved
And that I love still!
That’s something!
I celebrate!

Where Do You Live?

 

Recently a woman I worked with spoke these words, 
I never made it home.

Instantly I saw a split in the meaning of the words.

On the one hand she was saying she had never made the place she lived feel like home. Instead she had resented this house since life had fallen apart and she had been forced to settle there.

But the words resonated loudly for me with another, more poignant meaning.

I never made it home.

I’ve pondered that phrase often since the day we spoke.

How many times have women that I have met with uttered phrases very similar to that?

I never made it home. Continue reading Where Do You Live?

Defining STUCK

make a difference
This morning I looked up the definition of STUCK.

It is an adjective, a word that describes.

The Cambridge dictionary defines STUCK as :
unable to move from a particular position or place,
or unable to change a situation:

Examples of this are:
This door seems to be stuck.
I hate being stuck at a desk all day.
Ty got stuck with doing the laundry.
Hmm?
As I look back over the words we used to describe STUCK in the last post,  (you can read it here), I think that definition works.  We do tend to feel like we are unable to move from a particular position or place when we are consumed with fear, worry, anger, and perfectionism.  Or when we are confused and lack purpose or direction.
Many times we feel,  and sometimes, are unable to change a situation when we deal with rejection, or financial fears, or relationship issues.
Even in the wake of the current events in our world we feel  STUCK; uncertain of what to do that will make any difference at all in the chaos.
Add to that the myriad of messages that are part of our stuck place:
  • I’m not good enough.
  • You never finish anything
  • Who do you think you are?
  • I can’t do it as well as _(fill in the name)__so why bother!
  • Who would listen to me anyway?

Whew! We can get pretty deep in STUCK without even trying.

The problem is that when we get stuck and don’t know what to do, we often do nothing.
We are afraid that if we try to talk with our friend who rejected us, it will only make the situation worse, so we do nothing.
The financial situation we are in is so big and we can’t see what else we can do, so we keep doing the same stuff that got us here in the first place, or we do nothing at all.
We know we are not as good at something our competitors does so we throw up our hands and do nothing.
Fear is paralyzing!
Worry is exhausting!
Even boredom is draining!
The outcome of STUCK can be more STUCK!
OR
STUCK can be the motivation we need to spur us on to make a change.
So what kind of STUCK are you?
STUCK STUCK?
or STUCK MOTIVATED for CHANGE?
Leave a comment below- not for us, but for you to be honest with yourself about where you are.  That’s where we have to start.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
P.S.  How do I know so much about STUCK?  Well, let me tell you how… in the next post.  See you then.
P.S.S. Don’t forget to declare:
STUCK STUCK?
or STUCK MOTIVATED FOR CHANGE

Coaching on Stuck

FROM STUCK TO MADI had a delightful Saturday morning with an inspiring group of women at the Grace Church, Perrysburg, OH for their REFRESH & RENEW Conference recently. Wanted to share with you some of what we talked about at that event.

We spent our time together refreshing our viewpoints about ourselves, our story and our view of God.  We renewed our vision about the kind of difference we wanted to make in our lifetime. But we started with some honest talk about the ‘real’ of life.

As a life coach and former pastor’s wife, I’ve talked with a lot of women over the years.  There have been two reoccurring themes that continue to come out in those conversations.

  1. I want to make a difference with my life.
  2. I’m stuck.

Does that sound familiar to your story? You want to make a difference.  You want to influence your world for good through your life in your lifetime.

But you are stuck!  Or you have been!  If you aren’t stuck, or haven’t been, you will be so we might as well talk about it. You know what stuck feels like. Stuck has kept you from making the difference you long to make.   So before we talk about the kind of difference we want to make let’s talk about the obstacles to it. Continue reading Coaching on Stuck

Hope in the Midst of the Storm

Rennie Burrus was asked to share his Leisha story through loss to hope at Cable Road Alliance Church on Sunday, August 2. Ren asked me to share a bit of mine as well. You can listen in at the link.

Hope in the Midst of the Storm –
Podcast by Rennie and Kathy Burrus

Cable Road Alliance Church’s Podcast

BUZZSPROUT.COM

Life’s Too Short!

Today I’m sitting in a booth at Panera people watching mostly.  I had visions of writing- a blog, a chapter, even an email, but I’m just not into it.  I’m tired! Discouraged! Weary!  Yet I’m not!

Do you ever have those days?  When you feel like you can’t do the next thing even though you are excited about it.  You even like what you are doing!

A college team of girls and their coaches came in for dinner. I didn’t ask if it was volley ball or basketball, but immediately the space around me was filled with conversation.

As I sat watching I reflected back on my own journey.

When you are young, you don’t think about life ending.  You are  young!  You expect to have all of life ahead of you! You live and dream and plan as if there is nothing stopping you.

When  you are in your 20’s, you get a job or marriage that keeps you focused.  The job wasn’t what you thought it would be- but hey, it’s a job.  You marriage isn’t the fairy tale you dreamed it would be, but hey you are in love. You still have the energy and the stamina to tackle anything in your way, so you keep on with determination.

You hit your 30’s and 40’s and suddenly thing gets harder.  You get the promotion you thought you wanted and the family you always dreamed of.  Now you have trouble remembering what your dream is because somewhere, someone else is telling you what to do.  Your boss, the needs of your kids, the bills that must be paid. You can’t imagine what it would look like to stop what you are doing- if you drop one ball the whole thing will be crashing in on you. So you keep going!

You turn 50! You either lost your passion for The job you had or you got laid off.  Now you are starting over again. The kids are going to or finishing college, you are prompted to remember the dreams you had when you were their age.  You long for that ability to face the future with such vibrancy and freedom.

i’m not sure about the next 60’s on up.  I’m not there…yet!

But what happens if at any point along the way- life would end unexpectedly.  What if you die? at 94, or 68, or 27, 15 or maybe 8? Continue reading Life’s Too Short!

Living Open Handed: Pivot to See God

Open handedThis is the 4th and final post in the series Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World. If you have missed the previous posts, it would be helpful to go back and read them in order to understand how we got to this post.  Links are provided below.

1. Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World
2
. Living Open Handed: I have a need!
3
. Living Open Handed: Express Honestly

Through these posts,

  • we have identified our fears that cause us to create fist
  • then opened the little finger to admit or acknowledge we have a need.
  • Next we lifted the ring finger and wrote a psalm including those fears and needs.

Now we are ready to open the middle finger which stands for P: PIVOT. Continue reading Living Open Handed: Pivot to See God

Living Open Handed: Express Honestly

This is the third in a series on LIVING OPEN HANDED.  If you missed them, it might be helpful to go back so you understand how we got to this post.
1. LIVING OPEN HANDED: Do Not Fear 

2. LIVING OPEN HANDED: I have a Need

Open handedRecognizing our fear and acknowledging we have a need leads us to
open up our ring finger for E: EXPRESS HONESTLY———-

Continue reading Living Open Handed: Express Honestly