Recently a woman I worked with spoke these words, 
I never made it home.

Instantly I saw a split in the meaning of the words.

On the one hand she was saying she had never made the place she lived feel like home. Instead she had resented this house since life had fallen apart and she had been forced to settle there.

But the words resonated loudly for me with another, more poignant meaning.

I never made it home.

I’ve pondered that phrase often since the day we spoke.

How many times have women that I have met with uttered phrases very similar to that?

I never made it home.

• I haven’t found the place that feels safe, nurturing, like I belong.
• My house use to feel like home, then tragedy happened and all that changed.
• A relationship I used to feel comfortable with is no longer home.
• I struggle with fear, shame or guilt that keeps me from living at home within myself.

I have felt that way myself at times.  I’ve written about some of my emotions in the last blog, I Don’t Feel Safe, and more specifically in my book, Lovely Traces of Hope.

Being a question-asker to the core, I wonder

• What do I need to feel at home in myself?
• What do the women I work with need to feel at home– anywhere?
• What can I do to create a space for women to come home?

I have considered some of the stories in scripture that talk about home.

Stories such as Ruth claiming a new home with her mother-in-law, Naomi. (Take a few minutes to review the book of Ruth in the Bible.)

Or Esther, stepping into a new home with the king for such a time as this and in the end rescued her own people.  (Book of Esther)

Two stories of women and new home and the books of the Bible are named after them.  Hmm?

Then I thought about the New testament,  I noticed that after Jesus healed someone, he most often sent the people home. Why is that?

Yet Jesus, himself,  did not have a home.

Suddenly it occurred to me–He was home.  He was at home in himself.  He knew who he was and he knew what he was about.  Stories of him as a child in the temple, or his baptism, or even the time in the wilderness being tempted, he knew what his purpose was and he was ‘at home’ with it.

Hmm?

Do I feel at home with him now?  Do you? I trusted Jesus as my Savior at the age of 7 and lived my entire life in church in an effort to know him and make him known. Why is it when I feel insecure or unsafe, I don’t go to him to feel at home?

Could it be that I, like many of you, have worked hard to know about God, read our Bibles faithfully and made our prayers known to him.

And yet, we don’t know him! Yada kind of knowing– intimately to the core of who he is seeing into the core of who I am. Home!

This week I’ve been reading Stasi Eldredge’s book, Becoming Myself.  (I recommend it to you!) 

Stasi writes, “When my heart came home to its true home, a lot of change happened instantly.”

Is that why we don’t “come home”? We’re afraid of going to the Lord and hearing him say he wants to change us; change our thoughts and behaviors, relationships and dreams.

Sometimes we want things to stay the same, even if it is hard and messy, because we have learned to be comfortable there.  We fear what we don’t know, so we don’t go there.

Yet “God invites us to join him in the process whereby he heals our inner world so he can transform our outer world.  Change of heart on the inside manifests itself on the outside.” (Staci Eldredge)

Hmmm?

Ponder that for a while.  Where do you live?  Do you live? or are you just getting by?

I’m getting ready to meet with a group of women who are going to talk about this very thing.  Will you help me as I prepare by giving me some feedback.

What does it feel like to be ‘at home’? (in your body, mind, heart, spirit)

Where is ‘home’ for you? Where do you live?

What is your emotion as you consider going to Jesus to find home?

Thanks!  You never know who may be helped because you chose to be honest with this community.