How often do you ask yourself that question? I’m guessing not often. So what would your answer be? Or are you afraid to say it outloud? I am sometimes- no lie! Sometimes conversations that women have about intimacy can become very disrespectful and negative. Those words can not only discourage a woman, but hurt the very marriage she vowed one day to honor. But what if the conversation was different? What if we took a look at God’s opinion about sex? Did you know He has one? Now is a great time to join in on the discussion. Whether you are married or single, I am guessing that the issues surrounding sexuallity in your mind are full of confusion. You are not alone. Starting Wednesday, July 9th
at 9:00pm 10 Week Group for women PASSION PURSUIT: What Kind of Love are you making? includes DVD training from the authors, workbook & group coaching We will be meeting at my home and it will be part study, part group coaching as we partner together to design the intimacy in our marriages that we all long for. For more information, click here. If you have questions- and I’m sure you do, just email me at kathy@greenhopecoaching.com To sign up, click here! This is one conversation I’m looking forward to. How about you?
Category Archives: Relationship Issues
The NAKED Truth! the conference
I know- in days gone by we couldn’t even say the word ‘naked’ in public, let alone write about it or talk about NAKED TRUTH!
But that what we are doing- opening the discussion about intimacy- spiritually, emotionally, and sexually. And what is more we are looking at reclaiming God’s design for intimacy. The conversation is open, honest and unafraid.
Plan now to attend the conference called THE NAKED TRUTH: about You! about Sex! About God! Authors and Speakers, Linda Dillow and Dr Juli Slattery, from Authentic Intimacy, will be our special guides on
Friday evening, October 3
and Saturday morning, October 4
at Shawnee Alliance Church, Lima, OH.
Women of all ages and all seasons of life, married or single, are invited to come, to learn, to heal!
Mark your calendars now! Registration details will listed soon.
Want to know more about Linda & Juli- and their message- go to www.authenticintimacy.com.
Celebrating Heritage!
How long has it been since you considered the richness of your heritage? Her-it-age : Noun
- Property that is or may be inherited, an inheritance.
- Something transmitted or acquired from a predecessor: Legacy, inheritance, tradition
- Something possessed as a result of one’s natural situation or birth: birthright
This past week, I gathered with my parents and Mom’s family in celebration of birthdays, Mine, and my aunt I share the 20th of April with, as well as my daughter’s, my dad’s, my sister’s, Another aunts, and 3 of my cousins. (April is a big month for us!)
If truth be told, this is actually a gathering that my mom and her siblings and their spouses started 12 years ago. Gradually, nieces and nephews have joined them- this year being the largest gathering of the extended Thiessen family in several years even though we weren’t all there.
As I watched the interaction of the generations, I pondered the beauty that had become ordinary to me.
There was the sharing of memories and pictures of the love story of the couple who started this family- my grandparents who left this legacy. And there were pictures of the generation before them that we sorted through waiting for the ‘siblings’ to decipher who it was a picture of so we could write names on the back. It was sad to me that I can’t tell you the names of my great grandparents. I could look it up, but even though they are part of my story- they are not part of my life.
The original ‘siblings’ of two sisters and a brother were still grieving the elder sister who died 5 years ago, her husband shortly after. Even as adults, my 3 cousins suddenly felt as ‘orphans’ and in many ways isolated. They were the first of my generation to reach out to their mom’s siblings and asked to crash this special gathering. We were remembering with cousins the few but cherished times growing up playing games and celebrating family times of long ago.
One cousin drove 8 hours one way to get to spend only 24 hours with the family. We stayed up into the wee hours of the morning to catch up on all the stories of life- feeling the effects of weariness but not being able to stop the dialog.
We laughed as the uncle’s were incredibly ornery as we spent hours scheming, screaming, and cajoling in a long term game of Texican Train dominos.
I sat in awe as I watched faces change from great joy to deep concern. From contrite honesty to silly grins.
From gut wrenching laughter to free flowing tears.
We shared wonderful conversations over breakfast and dinner. Out bursts of laughter Quiet shared moments with tears Conversations that lasted long into the night. Devotions shared each morning – first morning led by my mom, the next day by my uncle, then by my mom’s younger sister.
We heard stories of God’s work in their lives, Scriptures that have spoken through the years Songs that have touch the heart And had the opportunity to blend our voices together as we sang some of them.
I listened as the older generation asked us to pray that they ‘age well.” More specifically that they “end well”. Hearts sharing our concerns and a commitment to pray for each other through the year.
As I watched and listened, I thanked the Lord for the heritage I had been given by being born into this family. It is a legacy of faithfulness, of hard work, of gratitude, of family. I may not be remembered by my grand-children’s children but just as my great grand-parents began a legacy that I felt strongly this week, I choose to leave a legacy of HOPE for those special people to come behind me!
What legacy are you leaving for those following your footsteps? Now is the time to intentionally design hope for the heritage you want to leave. We can work on that together!
Join the revival!
Kathy Burrus, Green Hope Coaching has a passion for marriage. My own marriage journey has taught me that it is one of the most important, often most taken for granted relationships we have. With the wildfire of the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, I specifically recognize the importance of speaking truth into the hearts of women (& men) in the area of sexuality. I am more aware than ever of the willingness of most people to grab for the short term relief of a deep rooted longing. We are willing to exchange the hard work of real intimacy for an immediate-easy button- gratification.
But the easy button doesn’t last. The short term answer leaves us hungry again for a pleasure, or a thrill. And sends us down a path that leads to more aloneness, less being known.
Doing the work of real intimacy doesn’t promise as ‘happy life’ forever. But it does give greater hope that in the realness of life- the messy conglomeration of life & relationships, of hurts and joy- we can be known for who we really are and loved- more personally, more intimately than we ever thought possible.
Because of our desire to empower that kind of relationship in marriage, GHC is speaking directly to this issue in partnership with Authentic Intimacy, a non-profit ministry of Linda Dillow & Dr Juli Slattery.
We are working together in 3 ways:
1) I have been part of the Launch team for the new book, Pulling Back the Shades, written by Dr Slattery & Dannah Gresh, of Secret Keeper girls. “Christian women don’t have to choose between being sexual and spiritual. They have legitimate longings that the Church has been afraid to talk about, but books like Fifty Shades of Grey exploit. It’s time for women to identify their intimate longings and God-honoring ways to fulfill them.”
Here is a LINK to the first chapter. Take a look and let me know what you think.
To order your copy go to Amazon or CLICK HERE
2) Another thing we are doing it hosting Group Coaching Series based on Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love are you Making, written by Linda Dillow and Dr Slattery. This is life changing material as the ladies who are currently in the program can tell you. Be watching for the next opportunity to get involved this summer.
Or go to Authentic Intimacy’s site and order yours now.
3) Probably the most exciting way we are partnering with AI is that Dr Juli Slattery & Linda Dillow will be coming to NW OHIO in October. We are sponsoring in part the Authentic Intimacy Conference, October 3 & 4, 2014 at Shawnee Alliance Church.
They will be addressing topics of Emotional, Spiritual and Physical Intimacy. While much of this conference is speaking to the marriage relationship, women in many places in life, single or married, young or old, will be strongly challenged and encouraged as we consider what God has to say on the topic.
It is very evident that there are two powers at work for the hearts of men and women- especially in the area of sexuality and intimacy. God is greater and we are partnering with him in the battle.
Join the revival! Let it start in you!
For you- we prayed!
I was surprised how emotional the moment was for me!
I wish I had taken a picture, but I will not forget the image in my mind.
There we were- 9 women, heads bowed, hearts lifted in prayer as we came together into the presence of the ONE who invited us to Come to Him in the first place.
We are not praying for ourselves, though our words ring true for our own hearts.
We are praying for work to begin exponentially in the hearts of women we love, or don’t even know.
Women who live in our worlds and in our communities.
We are praying for women who have been hurt and abused,
who are confused,
who are curious,
who are loved, or don’t feel loved,
who long to be really known and deeply cherished.
It is for US- all of us as women- that we prayed.
It is for truth- God’s truth- about intimacy to be known and shared with all women.
It is for authentic intimacy- in our relationship with God, and with our loved ones that we prayed.
We prayed-
For you!
Maybe you didn’t know it was happening-
or see it happening
But you will feel it!
You will begin to notice God at work in you!
Because we are not done praying!
We are only getting started!
Just us – won’t you?
Leave us a comment below- let for us know how we can pray for you today?
Just when you need it most!
The month of January I have ‘set aside’, so to speak, to regain some strength from all of last year! I know, I’ve mentioned that a lot already. But I have used much of this month to ponder what the rest of my year will be devoted to. It has not only been extremely refreshing for me- but very insightful.
Well, last night, as we were getting ready for bed, I asked Ren to look at a draft of what I call my “Ideal Week”. I was challenged to do the exercise by Michael Hyatt (want to know more- go to http://michaelhyatt.com/081-how-to-create-more-margin-in-your-crazy-busy-life-podcast.html ) (Good exercise by the way!!!)
The article talks about the need for margin in the middle of our crazy, busy lives. While I am not experiencing that this month, I have and will again soon. His suggestion was to fill out a schedule of what that ideal week would look like. Now he’s very aware of the things that interrupt our lives and keep ideal weeks from happening. But he makes a great point, “Life is a long-distance run not a sprint. If you and I are going to be effective over the long-term, we have to create margin and pace ourselves.”
We must be intentional.
So I copied off Michael’s example that is available at his blog, and fashioned it for my own. You can too! Just click on the picture. It will take you to Michael’s post. Scroll down and you will find some links to an Excel spreadsheet or a .pdf file so you can view what he did,
What was interesting was that I thought Ren would look at my schedule, and see that I was being quite intentional about pacing myself in the ‘getting work done’ aspect. I had a regular wake up time each day and a work day planned. Not to mention my extra events in the evenings and weekends included. I intend to make my business work and therefore, must plan my work.
But he pondered it for just few minutes and said, “No, no, no- you don’t have enough margin planned in your week. If you try to do all this, you will be exhausted by Wednesday. For one thing, you need to not push to be up with an alarm every week day. You don’t work well if you don’t have some days where your body can just wake up when it needs too.
Now that’s a very true statement. But I felt like he thought that was just my lazy way of doing life for the last few years, and I needed to kick it in gear now that I’m working on my own. But suddenly my husband, who is up hours before me and often at work for a while on one of my good days, gave me permission to do life and business like I need to do life and business.
There was a time in my life, when giving myself ‘margin’ still allowed me to get up earlier and work longer and weekends. But now, with the limitations I deal with at this point in my health- that does not work for me.
Just when I needed it most, he reminded me to BE ME! Even though his need for margin and pace is so very different from mine, he was seeing me! Knowing me! Giving me permission to do it my way! As I allow for the ‘margins’ that my health needs, I’m actually stronger in every other way.
How about you? What are the margins you need to be allowing in your life, so that you are stronger elsewhere?
What permissions do you need to be giving those you love? How can you encourage them to BE themselves? Where can you help them create margin so they can be stronger?
Who knows, you might offer a tremendous gift, just when they need it most!
Thanks Rennie!
Sixty years
Ren and I are on our way back to Ohio after spending the past week in Texas with our parents. We enjoy having time with them alone. We get to catch up more when there isn’t a house full of other siblings and grandkids. Don’t get me wrong, we love those times – but it’s been good to just have our parents to ourselves a bit.
We stayed with my folks and listened as they processed some next steps in their life. Their dear friend, Ada, passed away around Thanksgiving and they miss her dearly. So much of their time has been focused on loving her well. They have also been very sick since just before Christmas and were just beginning to get their feet back under them when we show up. I am grateful to report that they looked much better when we left then when we came.
We were also able to spend time with Ren’s parents. They have moved into a brand new assisted living facility and seem to be settling in well. They, too, were battling colds, but considering the journey they have had over the past year with Ren’s dad’s health, we were thrilled at how well they were getting along. In fact we celebrated Dad’s 80th birthday!
We showed both of our parents all the wedding pictures we could find from each daughter’s wedding. My parents were able to attend both. Ren’s parents were only able to view Caitlin’s via Skype (thanks to a dear friend and a special niece). The internet didn’t work as well for Brielle’s wedding, (rainy weather messed with us) but they did get to see Brie & Jason and talk to most of the family. It was fun sharing the stories of and remembering for them the specialness of both days.
I have often been grateful for the heritage of long marriages that our parents have given to us. But I marveled in a new way at the blessing of it again as I watched these two couples interact with their marriage partners after all these years. Both couples married in October. My parents were married 57 years ago, October 14th, and Rennie’s parents just celebrated 60 years on October 2nd.
Neither couple could anticipate how life would treat them when they said “I DO” so long ago. They didn’t understand all the nuances of “for better, for worse’; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health”. Yet they have faced it all. But central to all of it was a commitment to one another that stands the test of time.
One of the young aides at the home Ren’s parents live at told them, “I love that you two still love each other after all these years.”
I do too! I love that they love each other. It hasn’t been easy. They haven’t always ‘liked’ it. But they kept on loving each other no matter what.
Ren and I will celebrate 35 years this June! These two couples stood by us at our wedding and celebrated ‘what God hath joined together.” They have stood by us so many times since as we experienced what life threw at us. They continued to point us to the Lord and to each other through it all.
When Ren & I took a break for lunch on our long way back to our own Ohio home, I pondered what the future could bring for us! I slid my hand in his as we walked, and thanked the Lord that we have weathered the last 35 years. We can’t always plan out the circumstances of each year, but we have committed to do it together.
Wouldn’t you love to love each other at your 60th wedding anniversary? Me too!
What changes do you need to make to be sure that is true of you?
What attitude adjustments need to take place?
Who do you need to bring alongside you to help you accomplish this?
Ren & I certainly don’t have it all together- but we’re still learning. And we’re working hard to stick together no matter what! How about you?
Sixty years- Here we come!
Place of Beginning Again!
Marriage is full of seasons; of times in our life that are adjustments ‘places of beginning again’
Ren & I are at such a place. Both of our girls have recently married. We are officially empty nesters- though our girls haven’t lived at our house for a while now.
We felt that more than we expected, With greater intensity- as Brie & Jason left for their honeymoon and Cait & Jack returned to their new home as 2 month old newlyweds, we were very aware of that empty nest. There was great sadness that came with that.
But the sadness was soon replaced with the awareness that we are ‘two again’. While we love our girls and their new husbands dearly, they are beginning their own lives, their own chapters. They are making their own choices. While we talk often with them, it’s time for Ren and I to think TWO NEW.
It’s been an interesting process. We’ve had many conversations, spiritual conversations.
We’ve pondered our 8 lane highway
Spiritual Growth
Family
Professionally
Personally
Physically
Financially
Socially
Globally
As I’ve looked at my vision- I then talked with Ren about what he wants to be true in each area.
It is interesting to hear us process. We are not “two again” like we were when we first got married.
We are “TWO NEW” for the first time in our 50’s.
We are “TWO NEW” for the first time in the sandwich generation – love and care for our parents, love and care for adult children.
It’s a new place- a different place. What do we want to be true of us in this place? We’re not dead yet, we have a lot of life ahead of us. What do we want to be true in the next place of life?
What do you want to be true for you?
Let’s talk! Add a comment below
Hope Springs!
Friday night, Ren and I went on a date! Actually it was more like a double date with 4 other couples. We had a great time! We started the evening by going to the movie HOPE SPRINGS, staring Tommy Lee Jones & Meryl Streep! I was so curious about it. I mean the title is about HOPE and the topic is about marriage and that’s what Green HOPE Coaching is about too. I was terribly curious what they might do with it. Apparently, so were quite a few others!
It’s a dramedy- you know real life drama with the inevitable comedy mixed in if you are willing to see it.
Kay (Meryl Streep) and Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones) are a devoted couple, but decades of marriage have left Kay wanting to spice things up and reconnect with her husband. When she hears of a renowned couple’s specialist (Steve Carell, can you imagine?) in the small town of Great Hope Springs, she attempts to persuade her skeptical husband, a steadfast man of routine, to get on a plane for a week of marriage therapy. Just convincing the stubborn Arnold to go on the retreat is hard enough – the real challenge for both of them comes as they shed their bedroom hang-ups and try to re-ignite the spark that caused them to fall for each other in the first place.
Now a lot can be said about it, and believe you me, we did say a lot about it when we met for dinner/desert afterwards. But primarily, we could all identify with the place Kay & Arnold found themselves after 31 years of marriage. We could see things they were doing that led them there. But more importantly, we could see how were were on our way there if we didn’t take some steps toward the marriage we longed for. The conversation ended (I am a relationship coach you know!) with each of us identifying one thing we could do to help us grow together in our marriage instead of apart. It was amazing at the very practical things we came up with. It isn’t rocket science to have a great marriage. It’s simply one right choice after another.
So what’s the one right move you can make today that will move you closer to your spouse?
Leave me a note to let me know what step you are taking. One reason is that the act of writing it here will hold you accountable to your action. But the second reason is that you never know who NEEDS you to share honestly how you are finding HOPE in your marriage, so they can find HOPE in theirs!
HOPE Springs! May you find it flowing freely in your relationship too!
“Whatever you do in bed, we support it!”
It started some interesting conversation at our house. No, it wasn’t the first time we had seen the Sealy© commercials (in case you haven’t seen them two of our favorites are AfterGlow Commercial or Mattress Apartment commercial ) But this particular evening, we were both in rare form.
You see, Sealy’s tagline is ‘whatever you do in bed, we support it’!
I bet you can begin to imagine some of the places we went with that. But it got me thinking. The commercials make things look so … positive! But I know for a fact that it isn’t always.
For one thing, so often our bedrooms serve multi-purposes. They become part office with books and computer finding space to land, or laundry room where folding needs to be done, or the catch all room for those things that need to be put away but haven’t yet. Hmmm?
For another thing, just because two people marry doesn’t mean their bodies are on the same clock as far as when they need to go to bed, or how long they need to sleep. That often brings up issues having to do with ‘the bed.’
And that’s not even mentioning all the other things that can distract us –
- One mate likes a little light on in the room- the other likes it dark
- One prefers to fall asleep with the tv on- the other likes quiet– and dark
- One has BRILLIANT ideas as she lays down in bed that she really must write down before she forgets
- The other is asleep almost before he closes his eyes.
- One wants to cuddle up as they fall asleep, the other just wants some space to spread out
All that brings up the issues that get discussed such as:
- Tomorrow’s schedules
- Today’s finances
- The kids and their concerns
- The in-laws and their concerns
- The fact that he doesn’t take out the trash
- The fact that she didn’t even act interested when he came home from working all day
- The way that he tries to ‘get playful’ all of the sudden
- The way she avoids his obvious intentions for sex
…You get what I mean!
What we do in bed isn’t always the romantic version Sealy supports. One quote I read the other day said, “For I’ve been born and I’ve been wed. All of man’s peril comes of bed.” Isn’t that the truth? We have a little spat that turns into a bigger deal at bed time. We have a bad day and take it out on the spouse and it is especially evident at bed time.
Sometimes it’s two people on opposite sides of the bed with their backs to each other and their hearts hardened to one another. They aren’t talking, but honey let me tell you- their silence is speaking volumes.
Sometimes it’s two people completely worn out and not connecting at all- all day- not to mention all night.
Sometimes it lasts for more than a night- or a week- or months.
Hmmm? So here’s my question?
Do you support everything that goes on in your bed?
…or even in your bedroom?
Think about that for a while!
- If you answer yes- check with your spouse and see if they feel the same way.
Are you willing to really listen to what they might have to share with you. - If you answer no- what are you willing to do about it?
Either way, check back here- cause I’m hear to tell you there is hope! But we’ll talk about that next time.
Always remember- Your great marriage starts with YOU!