Tag Archives: marriage

Does God want me to be Sensuous?

So what do you think?  Does the Bible teach us to be sensuous women? Some of you are thinking Kathy’s talking about sex again.  Maybe! But maybe not!

I have had some interesting dialog with women who desire to be all that God has created them to be.  But they are not sure what to do with issues of sexuality/ sensuality when they are single and longing to honor the Lord.

 

I have heard one woman after another share that much of the pain in their life has to do with wrestling with issues related to sexual or sensual issues.  There is God’s view to reckon with which has been confusing to women on so many levels.  There is the world’s view which seems to indicate to just ‘be free’ sexually.  However much of the ache these women now feel is because those behaviors don’t feel free like it does in the movies.

So can we be single and sexual?  What does God want from us if he created us to be sexual beings, whether we are married or single, while the Bible teaches that sex is reserved for marriage.

Dr. Juli Slattery of AuthenticIntimacy.com hits the mark as she addresses this topic in her 2 minute Thought called Can I Be Single and Sexual?  Juli reminds us that our sexuality is not compartmentalized waiting for marriage, it is integrated into all the aspects of who you are; intellectual, relational and spiritual. 

We are geared to immediately associate sexuality with sexual pleasure.  But it actually serves a much greater purpose.  Juli goes on to say that sexuality is about intimacy and relationship. The core aspect of our sexuality is the yearning to be known and share intimately with another person, which is expressed fully in marriage.  My sexuality as a woman deeply impacts how I relate to others- outside the bedroom. 

(Be sure you listen in to hear the rest of Juli’s comments. There is a wealth of information for married or single women at authenticintimacy.com.)

As I pondered how we might experience intimacy that was not sexual, especially for the single woman, I dug a little further with a word study on the word SENSUOUS which is defined as “anything that is pleasing to the senses”.  In other words, anything that we touch, taste, see, smell and hear.  There are many ways we can experience intimacy in

  • a furry kitten resting calmly in our hands
  • a delicious meal shared with friends
  • a beautiful sunset filling our sight
  • a pie baking in the oven smelling so good, tasting even better
  • an incredible symphony
Each of our senses are faithful, loving reminders that God is breaking into our world to speak… Click To Tweet

These are examples of sensuous things make our senses happy, but they also nurture us and allow us to know a deep joy and possibly meaningful intimacy with relationships of family and friends.

I understand that many times the effects of past encounters, or abuse related to sexual activity can taint the purity of a sensation. Certain senses can become triggers for memories or behaviors that you are desperately trying to avoid.

So often, rather than risk something “unpleasant” (though it might be much more damaging than that word denotes), we end up closing ourselves off to everything that might stir our senses.

But remember, God is a redeeming God.  He created you to be sexual.  He gave you your senses to live fully alive.  Yes, there is pain!  Yes, there is pain that needs healing, and your senses maybe part of that.

But each of our senses are faithful, loving reminders that God is breaking into our world everyday to speak his words of love to us.

What is it that God is inviting you into as you consider how to live sensuously as a sexual being?  Maybe you have some questions about what that would look like.  I know some women who are making it work.  Let’s have that discussion together.

In the mean time, Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

Tell us About Green Hope Coaching…

I recently had an interview regarding my business and the events for married couples called “CELEBRATE the DANCE”.  Thought I’d share it with you so you can understand why this invitation is so important.

Tell us about KATHY BURRUS, GREEN HOPE COACHING:

Kathy: I am a life and marriage coach that works primarily with women in some transition of life.  In the change that occurs with  their next step, I most often hear from them “I want to do something that matters.  I want to make a difference in my world.”  I help them identify what their core values are and what ‘difference’ is most important to them.  Then we determine how to go about it.

Often in that process is the influence/ or roadblocks they have in their marriage.  These women who want to make a difference usually desire to have a stronger marriage- even if their marriage is good.  It is my heart’s cry to see couples thriving together- not settling or complacent with things as is too often the case.

Green Hope Coaching exists to create safe and stimulating environments that allow women and their husbands to intentionally design hope for their life and their marriage.

WHY this is so important to you, Kathy? 

Kathy: That comes out of my own story.  Rennie & I have been married 35 years.  We KNOW the challenge couples face as we navigate the  choices and decisions within a marriage.  We’ve had times in our lives that we think we are going the same place, have the same vision.  Suddenly we end up in two different places and wonder how that happened. What we forget is that our expectation, preferences and assumptions often cause us to ‘think’ we’ve communicated clearly about where we are headed, but miss the mark by, what could be tiny differences of thought. 

Along with that are some seasons of life where one partner or the other is really struggling. For instance, after our daughter died, everything seemed too hard.  I wanted to care for my husband and family, but sometimes grief is paralyzing.  It was in that moment that Rennie stepped up in a new way for me.  He reached out for me and held on to me when I couldn’t hold on to him.  I hate to think where we might be if he had not. 

WHAT are some ways you speak to women/ couples and the issues they face?

Continue reading Tell us About Green Hope Coaching…

Who is carrying your team?

How many times in your marriage relationship have you asked a question that begins with “What if?”

She asks “What if I go to all this effort & he doesn’t notice?”

He asks, “What if I try & she rejects me and says it’s not good enough?”

So many things we decide not to do because of ‘What if?”

But what if we both get serious about this relationship and be willing to do the next hard thing.  We want so much for love to be easy, but it’s not.  It is hard to humble ourselves and give

Out of love

true love

God given love

That we committed to at some point in our life.

Too often somewhere along the line, one or both of us started living complacent.  We became willing to get by

Not addressing the issues

Letting things ride

But under the surface we are starting to feel something

A disappointment

Or an aggravation

Or an anger

That begins to boil

And creates an internal distance

Which eventually becomes a visible distance!

Then it becomes much more difficult to work through than if we faced it right away.

I know- I KNOW- it’s hard!
Ren & I have been married 35 years- WE KNOW!

But Continue reading Who is carrying your team?

1400! What could this mean?

An amazing thing happened!  Ren and I sat down for 6 minutes to share our heart for marriages & intimacy through this little video.

WE HAVE HAD OVER 1400 Views
since we posted it on 3 days ago.  Amazing!

So I’ve had to ask myself what is all the interest about???  I’ve asked a few people and here is what they said.

1. Our daughter said, “It’s just good to see the two of you doing this together.”  It is fun!  We are enjoying it too!  For a long time, I’ve helped him with his job, or he with mine.  We are enjoying doing this together- even if we each facilitate our own class.

2. One person said, “I was trying to figure out what you did to make Rennie do this video? ”  I simply asked if he would be willing.  He is all in.  He is really seeing the value of this material- this discussion about a topic that is often hushed.  He is seeing men- not just husbands, but all men respond to the truth about their God given sexuality and the tools they gain to deal with their desires in a godly way.

3. Another said, “I just saw your passion for my marriage and it was contagious!”    If that’s it,  Hallelujah!  People! If we don’t make an intentional stand for holiness and purity in our sexual thoughts and relationships, the enemy is. If the marriage in a home is damaged, our families will be that much more vulnerable.  We will be attacked on every front; our thought life, our response to visual stimulus, or the touch of another, or the attention of another.  If we are married, let’s choose our spouse.  If we are single, let’s choose wholeness!

Women- God is calling us to use our gifts to make a difference in our world.  We have more options for building the marriage we long for, or living passionate lives than we are willing to acknowledge.

Men- God is calling you to be valiant men!  Men that recognize the roles, the desires God has given them and is willing to take the challenge.

YES IT IS HARD! Yes it is!  Ren and I have experienced that over and over again in our marriage.  But God didn’t design us this way destroy us, but to give us the opportunity every day to choose Him!
To choose life for ourselves and those we love!
To reflect Him to our world!

Consider joining the GHC groups being offered regarding this topic. The start date has been pushed back to Saturday, January 24th It’s not to late.  CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO OR TO REGISTER!

If you are from out of town, email me at kathy@greenhopecoaching.com.  I have some options for you too!

Come on ya’ll!  Let’s do this!  1400 more times!!!!

I do love you! I think?

You look over at this person next to you!

You still see his handsome features, the ones that attracted you to him when you first met. You see the lines that are forming on his face, just as they are on yours.  You know that look when one eye brow seems to clamp tighter around his eye, while the other one remains the same- as if one part of him was uptight and the other part relaxed.

You look at her, years of motherhood and caring for a family and her world have changed her.  But peering from behind all that are the eyes of the beautiful, young girl that won your heart so long ago.  She still reaches up and plays with that small tuft of hair right by her ear as she is deep in thought or developing some creative vision.

You love him!  You love her! Really love from a place so deep you never knew it existed.

But today….Argh! Continue reading I do love you! I think?

Is your marriage on your list?

Did your marriageThe beginning of the next- a new page, a new start!  We did or didn’t make resolutions about our health, our job, and our future. We set goals for our projects for the year.  We chose a WORD to focus on. We clarified our vision!  All great stuff!  And probably you either feel invigorated by the process or it has left you feeling a weight that seems overwhelming!

I made three resolutions this year with more specifics than I’l share here, but this will give you the general idea. Continue reading Is your marriage on your list?

The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

I am reposting this excellent blog about the marriage dance from Linda Dillow,  friend and mentor in life, marriage and worship.  You can read more from Linda at www.authenticintimacy.com 

wedding couple sepiaby Linda Dillow

Continue reading The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

FAQ: I’m too OLD! NAKED TRUTH isn’t for me, right?

FAQ: The Naked Truth
I’ve got questions

Really?  That’s the reason you are giving?

You are too old?

Now if you said,
“It’s too hard!
I don’t want to try!” or “I’ve given up!”
– I would understand those answers. I  have been there and done that. There are times when that is the most honest answer we can give.  I would be sad for you and try to encourage you!

But no matter what your age, as long as you have breath, God wants to have an intimate relationship with you, and He wants for you Continue reading FAQ: I’m too OLD! NAKED TRUTH isn’t for me, right?

You Are invited…to Pray DEEP!

Hey  friend!  Green Hope growing deep

We are headed back to the DEEP WOODS to pray! We want you- and your spouse, or your friends, or even family to join us.

FRIDAY EVENING, August 1st: anytime after 5:30pm- you can stop by the DEEP WOODS for a few minutes or for the whole evening.

The DEEP WOODS is located behind Crossroads Church, 775 S. Thayer Road, Lima, OH 45806. Click here for directions.

We’re going to meet to pray- as individuals, as couples, as a group. There is no agenda- just a challenge to PRAY!  

  • We may talk some
  • Walk some
  • sleep some
  • laugh some
  • eat some (we will have some light refreshments- feel free to bring one to share)

But through it all we will pray!  

  • For the NAKED TRUTH Women’s Conference, Oct 3 & 4.
  • For the women- from speakers to attendees who will be part of the conference
  • For tickets sales which begin August 1st.
  • For the lives that will be impacted
  • For the healing that will result
  • For the marriages that will be made whole.
  • For confession, forgiveness, and peace.
  • For awareness of the consequences of seeking counterfeit intimacy.
  • For HOPE!  GREEN HOPE of course! Hope that grows out of faith and flows into Love.

Bring your own requests- to share- or to speak privately.

If you don’t live close- but feel God stirring your heart to pray for these things as well- Please join us in prayer! Last time we went to the woods, women from Texas to Minnesota, from Pennsylvania to Colorado were praying with us!  We would love to hear from you!

Come to the WOODS!  God will meet you in this sacred space!

See you Friday!