Tag Archives: authentic intimacy

FIVE Goals for 2016

5 years
Five years ago, I sat down with pencil and paper and began to map out a strategy for beginning a new business and opening a coaching practice.

Five years ago, I thought I knew what wanted for my business.  I thought I knew what I would be good at and what I needed to do to make that happen.  I had a lot to learn!

But this year, I have more clarity about what is important to me, and what steps I need to take to get there. This is not my entire goal list, but here is a glimpse into some of the goals I have set for the new year.

FIVE goals I have for 2016:

Continue reading FIVE Goals for 2016

Does God want me to be Sensuous?

So what do you think?  Does the Bible teach us to be sensuous women? Some of you are thinking Kathy’s talking about sex again.  Maybe! But maybe not!

I have had some interesting dialog with women who desire to be all that God has created them to be.  But they are not sure what to do with issues of sexuality/ sensuality when they are single and longing to honor the Lord.

 

I have heard one woman after another share that much of the pain in their life has to do with wrestling with issues related to sexual or sensual issues.  There is God’s view to reckon with which has been confusing to women on so many levels.  There is the world’s view which seems to indicate to just ‘be free’ sexually.  However much of the ache these women now feel is because those behaviors don’t feel free like it does in the movies.

So can we be single and sexual?  What does God want from us if he created us to be sexual beings, whether we are married or single, while the Bible teaches that sex is reserved for marriage.

Dr. Juli Slattery of AuthenticIntimacy.com hits the mark as she addresses this topic in her 2 minute Thought called Can I Be Single and Sexual?  Juli reminds us that our sexuality is not compartmentalized waiting for marriage, it is integrated into all the aspects of who you are; intellectual, relational and spiritual. 

We are geared to immediately associate sexuality with sexual pleasure.  But it actually serves a much greater purpose.  Juli goes on to say that sexuality is about intimacy and relationship. The core aspect of our sexuality is the yearning to be known and share intimately with another person, which is expressed fully in marriage.  My sexuality as a woman deeply impacts how I relate to others- outside the bedroom. 

(Be sure you listen in to hear the rest of Juli’s comments. There is a wealth of information for married or single women at authenticintimacy.com.)

As I pondered how we might experience intimacy that was not sexual, especially for the single woman, I dug a little further with a word study on the word SENSUOUS which is defined as “anything that is pleasing to the senses”.  In other words, anything that we touch, taste, see, smell and hear.  There are many ways we can experience intimacy in

  • a furry kitten resting calmly in our hands
  • a delicious meal shared with friends
  • a beautiful sunset filling our sight
  • a pie baking in the oven smelling so good, tasting even better
  • an incredible symphony
Each of our senses are faithful, loving reminders that God is breaking into our world to speak… Click To Tweet

These are examples of sensuous things make our senses happy, but they also nurture us and allow us to know a deep joy and possibly meaningful intimacy with relationships of family and friends.

I understand that many times the effects of past encounters, or abuse related to sexual activity can taint the purity of a sensation. Certain senses can become triggers for memories or behaviors that you are desperately trying to avoid.

So often, rather than risk something “unpleasant” (though it might be much more damaging than that word denotes), we end up closing ourselves off to everything that might stir our senses.

But remember, God is a redeeming God.  He created you to be sexual.  He gave you your senses to live fully alive.  Yes, there is pain!  Yes, there is pain that needs healing, and your senses maybe part of that.

But each of our senses are faithful, loving reminders that God is breaking into our world everyday to speak his words of love to us.

What is it that God is inviting you into as you consider how to live sensuously as a sexual being?  Maybe you have some questions about what that would look like.  I know some women who are making it work.  Let’s have that discussion together.

In the mean time, Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

Who is carrying your team?

How many times in your marriage relationship have you asked a question that begins with “What if?”

She asks “What if I go to all this effort & he doesn’t notice?”

He asks, “What if I try & she rejects me and says it’s not good enough?”

So many things we decide not to do because of ‘What if?”

But what if we both get serious about this relationship and be willing to do the next hard thing.  We want so much for love to be easy, but it’s not.  It is hard to humble ourselves and give

Out of love

true love

God given love

That we committed to at some point in our life.

Too often somewhere along the line, one or both of us started living complacent.  We became willing to get by

Not addressing the issues

Letting things ride

But under the surface we are starting to feel something

A disappointment

Or an aggravation

Or an anger

That begins to boil

And creates an internal distance

Which eventually becomes a visible distance!

Then it becomes much more difficult to work through than if we faced it right away.

I know- I KNOW- it’s hard!
Ren & I have been married 35 years- WE KNOW!

But Continue reading Who is carrying your team?

1400! What could this mean?

An amazing thing happened!  Ren and I sat down for 6 minutes to share our heart for marriages & intimacy through this little video.

WE HAVE HAD OVER 1400 Views
since we posted it on 3 days ago.  Amazing!

So I’ve had to ask myself what is all the interest about???  I’ve asked a few people and here is what they said.

1. Our daughter said, “It’s just good to see the two of you doing this together.”  It is fun!  We are enjoying it too!  For a long time, I’ve helped him with his job, or he with mine.  We are enjoying doing this together- even if we each facilitate our own class.

2. One person said, “I was trying to figure out what you did to make Rennie do this video? ”  I simply asked if he would be willing.  He is all in.  He is really seeing the value of this material- this discussion about a topic that is often hushed.  He is seeing men- not just husbands, but all men respond to the truth about their God given sexuality and the tools they gain to deal with their desires in a godly way.

3. Another said, “I just saw your passion for my marriage and it was contagious!”    If that’s it,  Hallelujah!  People! If we don’t make an intentional stand for holiness and purity in our sexual thoughts and relationships, the enemy is. If the marriage in a home is damaged, our families will be that much more vulnerable.  We will be attacked on every front; our thought life, our response to visual stimulus, or the touch of another, or the attention of another.  If we are married, let’s choose our spouse.  If we are single, let’s choose wholeness!

Women- God is calling us to use our gifts to make a difference in our world.  We have more options for building the marriage we long for, or living passionate lives than we are willing to acknowledge.

Men- God is calling you to be valiant men!  Men that recognize the roles, the desires God has given them and is willing to take the challenge.

YES IT IS HARD! Yes it is!  Ren and I have experienced that over and over again in our marriage.  But God didn’t design us this way destroy us, but to give us the opportunity every day to choose Him!
To choose life for ourselves and those we love!
To reflect Him to our world!

Consider joining the GHC groups being offered regarding this topic. The start date has been pushed back to Saturday, January 24th It’s not to late.  CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO OR TO REGISTER!

If you are from out of town, email me at kathy@greenhopecoaching.com.  I have some options for you too!

Come on ya’ll!  Let’s do this!  1400 more times!!!!

I do love you! I think?

You look over at this person next to you!

You still see his handsome features, the ones that attracted you to him when you first met. You see the lines that are forming on his face, just as they are on yours.  You know that look when one eye brow seems to clamp tighter around his eye, while the other one remains the same- as if one part of him was uptight and the other part relaxed.

You look at her, years of motherhood and caring for a family and her world have changed her.  But peering from behind all that are the eyes of the beautiful, young girl that won your heart so long ago.  She still reaches up and plays with that small tuft of hair right by her ear as she is deep in thought or developing some creative vision.

You love him!  You love her! Really love from a place so deep you never knew it existed.

But today….Argh! Continue reading I do love you! I think?

Is your marriage on your list?

Did your marriageThe beginning of the next- a new page, a new start!  We did or didn’t make resolutions about our health, our job, and our future. We set goals for our projects for the year.  We chose a WORD to focus on. We clarified our vision!  All great stuff!  And probably you either feel invigorated by the process or it has left you feeling a weight that seems overwhelming!

I made three resolutions this year with more specifics than I’l share here, but this will give you the general idea. Continue reading Is your marriage on your list?

The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

I am reposting this excellent blog about the marriage dance from Linda Dillow,  friend and mentor in life, marriage and worship.  You can read more from Linda at www.authenticintimacy.com 

wedding couple sepiaby Linda Dillow

Continue reading The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

Her Story Bloomed into Mine!

Have you ever read Any Andrews “Butterfly Effect”? The story of how one person’s decision made years earlier continues to have a ripple effect into the lives of others. Well! I experienced that this past week. Here’s my blog about how one woman choosing to let the ‘tree of life grow out of the root of her grief’ bloomed over into my story! Who is influencing you?  Who are you influencing?

The first post written here is from Feb of 2011.
The second one is from today, Oct 27, 2014.  Isn’t God amazing!

It happened again today.  A sudden welling up of emotion surprising me. I don’t know why since I have always been a complex emotional maze.  But this time was different.  That tear-filled mountain that picked the moment I was on the phone with the doctor’s office to erupt.

Sucking down hard, I urge myself:

 “Pull it together—where is THIS coming from?!”

The words didn’t just embolden and stand out on the page; they reached for me with their long arms, hands grabbing at my collar and pulling me in close  while shouting,

“SEE!  YOU ARENT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY KATHY!  LISTEN TO THIS GIRL!” Continue reading Her Story Bloomed into Mine!

FAQ: I’m too OLD! NAKED TRUTH isn’t for me, right?

FAQ: The Naked Truth
I’ve got questions

Really?  That’s the reason you are giving?

You are too old?

Now if you said,
“It’s too hard!
I don’t want to try!” or “I’ve given up!”
– I would understand those answers. I  have been there and done that. There are times when that is the most honest answer we can give.  I would be sad for you and try to encourage you!

But no matter what your age, as long as you have breath, God wants to have an intimate relationship with you, and He wants for you Continue reading FAQ: I’m too OLD! NAKED TRUTH isn’t for me, right?