Have you ever read Any Andrews “Butterfly Effect”? The story of how one person’s decision made years earlier continues to have a ripple effect into the lives of others. Well! I experienced that this past week. Here’s my blog about how one woman choosing to let the ‘tree of life grow out of the root of her grief’ bloomed over into my story! Who is influencing you?  Who are you influencing?

The first post written here is from Feb of 2011.
The second one is from today, Oct 27, 2014.  Isn’t God amazing!

It happened again today.  A sudden welling up of emotion surprising me. I don’t know why since I have always been a complex emotional maze.  But this time was different.  That tear-filled mountain that picked the moment I was on the phone with the doctor’s office to erupt.

Sucking down hard, I urge myself:

 “Pull it together—where is THIS coming from?!”

The words didn’t just embolden and stand out on the page; they reached for me with their long arms, hands grabbing at my collar and pulling me in close  while shouting,

“SEE!  YOU ARENT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY KATHY!  LISTEN TO THIS GIRL!”

I was reading an article on a blog site known as Incourage.me: Home for the Heart of Women.   ( http://www.incourage.me/2011/02/a-tree-of-life-out-of-a-root-of-grief.html)  I had been following the different women who shared their journeys for some time.  But that day in February of 2011 the post was written for me.  I knew it.

The author shared that the ‘root of grief’  was the death of her mother. I was a mother whose ‘root of grief’ was the loss of my daughter.

The author acknowledged the role her mom had played in her life,  one who loved even if broken love
One who “understood me the best and pursued me the most”.

I acknowledged the role  my third daughter played in mine,
One who would always challenge because  ‘there could be another way’!
One who pushed us all as she went ahead, but never forgot to look back for us.

The author began to list the things I miss:
 ‘I miss the card she would have sent.’  ‘I miss the welcome home meal.’ ‘I miss her humor trying to brighten my day.’ And the list goes on until I say ‘I miss everything about her!’

I began to list,… oh the list could grow so long of things I missed about this precious girl.

I miss  her love of words:

• the way she lifted one eyebrow when she questioned my side of an argument and considered if it was worth the debate.
• the way she would implore me to come sit at the piano and play for her while she sang her favorite songs.
• the way she could tell a story- often with a simple word prompt from a sister, or a desire to recall as much of one as she could remember.

I miss the way she could light up a room with her laughter, or darken it with a mood.

I miss the way she could feel and think so deeply- especially for a young teen.

I miss the gifts I would get from her for Christmas or Mother’s day that were beautifully wrapped packages.   inside was a picture of the thing she would love to get me. One time it was a watch, another a microwave.  Still another a piece of heart shaped paper with reasons she was glad I was her mom

I miss the way she loved.

I miss…. “everything about her!”

Then the author wrote, “But in this moment, I saw the root of all that I miss. A love that pursues in grace and understanding…my first community of love. As I came to this understanding, somehow I feel freer.  My grief has a name.  A shape.  I now possess an understanding of why certain things make the loss felt so deeply.”

Community of love!  Hmm!  Yes!  It is! A circle of family with our trio of daughters- now broken, forever different.    Grief has a name.  A shape! The shape of a circle changed to resemble a C or a G. It is a feeling of walking with a limp but walking still.

And stepping further, I can become the legacy.  Be the pursuer who loves.  Turn my own grief into new life as a memorial to the one who so deeply loved. 

It is these tears of grief, then, that can become the waters of new life.

I commune with He who is Altogether Good and Lovely as I lift this aching root high in praise and thanksgiving.

In Grace and Beauty all His own, he creates a tree of life out of a root of grief.

Yes! I get that!  My tears that threaten to drown me in my grief, can become the waters of new life.

Out of my communion with “He who is Altogether Good and Lovely” the root begins to sprout new life.  I don’t want to remain in the ground- as the root depicts, even more as death  plays out.

Colossians 2:7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

I want my root to grow deeper and build higher and overflow with thankfulness!

Lord, thank you for the words of this young woman as she shared the roots of her story and bloomed into mine.

(Keep reading below for more of the story)

Abby’s tree picture

 

 

 

Kathy’s tree Picture

 

 

 

 

________________________________________Fast forward October 2014

I am part of a writing group called FREE YOUR STORY hosted by Jo Ann Fore, author of When a Woman Finds Her Voice.  One of the assigned exercises was to be partnered with another writer to share stories and dialog about our journey into our story.

My partner is a young mom and missionary wife living in Budapest, Hungary.  Her name is Abigail Alleman.  Abby for short.

I was instantly attracted to this young woman whose attractive appearance and long, straight hair reminded me much of my own daughters. I had the privilege of meeting her husband and her daughter just before they left for their daddy/daughter date.   I felt at home with this woman.  It was easy to share my story and begin to hear her own; the death of her mom, the journey through relationships, her marriage, family,  her mentors, her ministry, her blog and the  ‘snapshot of Hungary”.

Over the past few days  I began to read more of her blog.  I felt a connection of heart. This woman shared different events, but I understood the emotions, I recognized the places of pain and I felt her struggle to BE!

Then came this beautiful thing.  In preparation for a message I am giving  for other mom’s like her, I ran across an article i had saved on grief.  It had spoken deeply to me at a time in my grief journey when I felt I was drowning.

The author had lost her mom.  I had lost my daughter.

The author’s name- Abby!  Abigail Alleman!

What? The author of that post that impacted me so dramatically was my story partner. This young woman had taught me how to grieve and how to live.

And now, she is teaching me to share my story!

What was it she said at the end of her post?  Oh yes, “In Grace and Beauty all His own, he creates a tree of life out of a root of grief.”

Yes!  In Grace and Beauty  he is creating a tree of LIFE!

Her story bloomed into mine!