Category Archives: Marriage Vision

The DANCE: From one guy to another!

Hi GHC community,
This note is from Rennie, husband to the Green Hope Coach, Kathy Burrus.  And yes,  if you ask him, he will say being married to me is a challenge.   Here are his words regarding the special event for married couples called CELEBRATE THE DANCE.  So guys, this is from one husband to another. Rennie & Kathy dancing

From my experience, THE DANCE  event is something that is fun to do together and be close to one another.

You each have a part to play that is important or it doesn’t work. When each of you do your part, it works.  When one messes up, you both stop and get going again.  Just like in real like, you have to work hard to stay in step.  Not only do you watch what you are doing, but you have to pay attention to what your partner is doing too.

You need to come!  We need to always be working to improve.  We are never just maintaining.  Either we are moving ahead and growing or we are going backwards.  We aren’t going to just coast.

We must always be listening and growing and learning how to respond to one another better.  We can always learn something new.

See you at the DANCE!    JUNE 8TH at 3:00pm
Tanya’s School of Dance, Lima

Here’s your personal invitation!

TO REGISTER, click here or email kathy@greenhopecoaching.com.

The NAKED Truth! the conference

I know- in days gone by we couldn’t even say the word ‘naked’ in public, let alone write about it or talk about NAKED TRUTH!

But that what we are doing- opening the discussion about intimacy- spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.  And what is more we are looking at reclaiming God’s design for intimacy.  The conversation is open, honest and unafraid.

Plan now to attend the conference called THE NAKED TRUTH: about You!  about Sex! About God!  Authors and Speakers, Linda Dillow and Dr Juli Slattery, from Authentic Intimacy, will be our special guides on

Friday evening, October 3
and Saturday morning, October 4
at Shawnee Alliance Church, Lima, OH.

Women of all ages and all seasons of life, married or single, are invited to come, to learn, to heal!

Mark your calendars now!  Registration details will listed soon.

Want to know more about Linda & Juli- and their message- go to www.authenticintimacy.com.AI webbanner

Celebrating Heritage!

How long has it been since you considered the richness of your heritage? Her-it-age : Noun

  1. Property that is or may be inherited, an inheritance.
  1. Something transmitted or acquired from a predecessor: Legacy, inheritance, tradition
  1. Something possessed as a result of one’s natural situation or birth: birthright

This past week, I gathered with my parents and Mom’s family in celebration of birthdays, Mine, and my aunt I share the 20th of April with, as well as my daughter’s, my dad’s, my sister’s, Another aunts, and 3 of my cousins. (April is a big month for us!)

If truth be told, this is actually a gathering that my mom and her siblings and their spouses started 12 years ago. Gradually, nieces and nephews have joined them- this year being the largest gathering of the extended Thiessen family in several years even though we weren’t all there.

As I watched the interaction of the generations, I pondered the beauty that had become ordinary to me.

There was the sharing of memories and pictures of the love story of the couple who started this family- my grandparents who left this legacy.  And there were pictures of the generation before them that we sorted through waiting for the ‘siblings’ to decipher who it was a picture of so we could write names on the back.  It was sad to me that I can’t tell you the names of my great grandparents.  I could look it up, but even though they are part of my story- they are not part of my life.

The original ‘siblings’ of two sisters and a brother  were still grieving the elder sister who died 5 years ago, her husband shortly after.  Even as adults, my 3 cousins suddenly felt as ‘orphans’ and in many ways isolated. They  were the first of my generation to reach out to their mom’s siblings and asked to crash this special gathering. We were remembering with cousins the few but cherished times growing up playing games and celebrating family times of long ago.

One cousin drove 8 hours one way to get to spend only 24 hours with the family.  We stayed up into the wee hours of the morning to catch up on all the stories of life- feeling the effects of weariness but not being able to stop the dialog.

We laughed as the uncle’s  were incredibly ornery as we spent hours scheming, screaming, and cajoling in a long term game of Texican Train dominos.

I sat in awe as I watched faces change from great joy to deep concern. From contrite honesty to silly grins.
From gut wrenching laughter to free flowing tears.

We shared wonderful conversations over breakfast and dinner. Out bursts of laughter Quiet shared moments with tears Conversations that lasted long into the night. Devotions shared each morning – first morning led by my mom, the next day by my uncle, then by my mom’s younger sister.

We heard stories of God’s work in their lives, Scriptures that have spoken through the years Songs that have touch the heart And had the opportunity to blend our voices together as we sang some of them.

I listened as the older generation asked us to pray that they ‘age well.” More specifically that they “end well”. Hearts sharing our concerns and a commitment to pray for each other through the year.

As I watched and listened, I thanked the Lord for the heritage I had been given by being born into this family. It is a legacy of faithfulness, of hard work, of gratitude,  of family.   I may not be remembered by my grand-children’s children but just as my great grand-parents began a legacy that I felt strongly this week, I choose to leave a legacy of HOPE for those special people to come behind me!

What legacy are you leaving for those following your footsteps?  Now is the time to intentionally design hope for the heritage you want to leave. We can work on that together!

Jeanette passing on U George's painting A Arlene playing train the orignal sibs the whole gang2 studying the old pics Dad playing Mex Train

Pulling Back the Shades

I have had the distinct honor of being part of the launch team for a new book coming out this weekend, March 1st.  So it is with great pleasure that I invite you to …

 Pulling Back the Shades by Dannah Gresh & Dr Juli Slattery

PBTS cover

“You don’t have to choose between being sexual or being spiritual. They were never meant to be exclusive.  Now, with solid biblical teaching and transparent stories, Dannah & Juli offer an unflinching look a the most personal questions women ask. Whether you are single or married, reading Fifty Shades of Grey or Jane Austen, Pulling Back the Shades will address your desire to be both sexual and spiritual.

Linda Dillow, best selling author of What’s it like to Be Married to Me?  and Passion Pursuit (co-authored by Dr Slattery) says Pulling Back the Shades will take you to new places in spiritual and sexual freedom.”

Dr Juli Slattery & Linda Dillow will be bringing Authentic Intimacy to NW Ohio this fall. Be watching for more details.

Take a couple of hours to read this book.  Leave a comment below.   I’d love to hear what God says to you as you process this material.

Reflections of the Old Year and New Marriage

2013! I love looking back!  Mostly because there are always precious memories of a year that I want to remember.

This year is no exception!  It will be a year I remember forever!

This time last year, Brielle and her then fiancé, Jason Augsburger were setting the October 4th date for their wedding.  Within a few short weeks, Caitlin’s guy, Jack Andrews, proposes and she says “YES!” They choose July 26th for their wedding.  And shortly after Cait’s wedding, my dear friend Pat calls to say she’s engaged, and asks me to be her matron of honor.  This was extra exciting because Pat is ‘older than me’ but this is her first marriage.  Her joy is great! It didn’t take too long for Pat & Bob to choose a December 7th date!

 

WHOOSH! Three weddings in less than 5 months! Along with all of Caitlin and JackView More: http://helloashleigh.pass.us/brielle_and_jasonthe dress fittings, bridal shows & bridal showers, reception coordinating…!   And of course, each one was completely different from the other.  Each Bride had an incredible vision for their day!  We are so grateful for each amazing man that has entered our life as a son-in-love.  Jason & Jack are truly gifts, not only to our girls, but to our family. Oh, and we are grateful for you too Bob!

All these weddings have stirred in Ren & I thoughts of our early days of marriage; the hopes & dreams, visions and expectations of two young people who thought we knew each other really well.  Only to discover that there was a lifetime of learning ahead.

Whether we are just starting our married lives, or we’re ‘starting again’ at some new place in our journey, it is not too late to connect with the vision you want for the rest of your life.

Need some help!  Let’s talk!  There are some excellent tools to help you and your special one enjoy the marriage you always longed for.  Ren and I are on the journey of a lifetime!  You can be too!

Your great marriage starts with you!

kathyburrus@greenhopecoaching.net

Hope Springs!

Friday night, Ren and I went on a date!  Actually it was more like a double date with 4 other couples.  We had a great time!  We started the evening by going to the movie HOPE SPRINGS, staring Tommy Lee Jones & Meryl Streep!  I was so curious about it.  I mean the title is about HOPE and the topic is about marriage and that’s what Green HOPE Coaching is about too.  I was terribly curious what they might do with it.  Apparently, so were quite a few others!

It’s a dramedy- you know real life drama with the inevitable comedy mixed in if you are willing to see it.

Kay (Meryl Streep) and Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones) are a devoted couple, but decades of marriage have left Kay wanting to spice things up and reconnect with her husband. When she hears of a renowned couple’s specialist (Steve Carell, can you imagine?) in the small town of Great Hope Springs, she attempts to persuade her skeptical husband, a steadfast man of routine, to get on a plane for a week of marriage therapy. Just convincing the stubborn Arnold to go on the retreat is hard enough – the real challenge for both of them comes as they shed their bedroom hang-ups and try to re-ignite the spark that caused them to fall for each other in the first place.

Now a lot can be said about it, and believe you me, we did say a lot about it when we met for dinner/desert afterwards.  But primarily, we could all identify with the place Kay & Arnold found themselves after 31 years of marriage.  We could see things they were doing that led them there.   But more importantly, we could see how were were on our way there if we didn’t take some steps toward the marriage we longed for.  The conversation ended (I am a relationship coach you know!) with each of us identifying one thing we could do to help us grow together in our marriage instead of apart.  It was amazing at the very practical things we came up with. It isn’t rocket science to have a great marriage.  It’s simply one right choice after another.

So what’s the one right move you can make today that will move you closer to your spouse?  

Leave me a note to let me know what step you are taking.  One reason is that the act of writing it here will hold you accountable to your action.  But the second reason is that you never know who NEEDS you to share honestly how you are finding HOPE in your marriage, so they can find HOPE in theirs!

HOPE Springs!  May you find it flowing freely in your relationship too!

 

What will they say about me when I dead?

How did you do with that last post?  Was it intimidating? It was for me too the first time I did this!  It actually was in high school, then again in college and several times in life since. Each time I’m challenged to consider who am I really investing in – and who do I really WANT to be investing in?

Michael Hyatt, Chairman of Thomas Nelson Publishers and NY TIMES best selling author, says “This is an incredibly powerful question.  To answer it, you have to  ‘fast forward’ to the end of your life and look back.  The exercise forces you to think about the things and people that matter most.”

Mr. Hyatt selected 6 key audiences that mattered most to him:  God, spouse, children, parents, colleagues and friends.  You may have others.  He then simply answerd the question,

“How do I want them to remember me?”

For example, under “My spouse’ he said this:

By Gail:
I want Gail to remember how I loved her, understood her, and helped her accomplish her dreams.  I want her to remember specific times that we shared together-times we laughed, times we cried, times we spent discussing things that were important to both of us, and times we just held one another and watched the sunset.

When I wrote mine for Rennie, it was “I want Rennie to say that I truly KNOW him, deeply LOVE him and honestly Respect who he is!”  

But I also included “I want to be known, loved and cherished by him!  Why did I include that part?  Because he is always asking what I need from him, and instead of saying, ‘I don’t know!” I could tell him!  Now I sometimes have to work at identifying what he can do to show that to me- but that’s another post.

Other relationships that are important to me are:

  • God
  • spouse-Rennie,
  • children-Caitlin, Brielle & Leisha (she may be in heaven, but she still impacts my life)
  • Parents- they live far away, so that is especially important to me.
  • Family & Close Friends
  • GHC Community

One way to consider who yours are is to identify the roles you play and what relationships you care about most in each role. You might have different groups, but it’s important to realize that you will really only be effective if you have less than 7.  Any more than that and you probably aren’t being effective anywhere!

Who will the people be that care about you enough to come to your funeral?
What will they say about you when you are dead?

It’s worth considering now!

So…you got a plan?

Most couples, well actually, most people are ‘passive spectators’ of life. They may even be very busy people, urgently trying to get things done. They may plan for their careers, or the new house, or that great vacation. Yet they never even think of spending that kind of time and energy to plan their life. So naturally, they probably aren’t doing the planning work on their marriage either.

I know! I’ve been there! We’ve been there! Somehow we get so busy planning pieces of our life that we don’t take time to look at the whole of life. And where we want to be in the long haul.

But I have had the opportunity to stop and look at the big picture of my life during the past few weeks. I’m not ‘done’ with it- but already we are both seeing some significant outcomes in some major areas. The changes haven’t been easy, but I think Ren and I both would say, it is ‘transformational’!

For instance, one thought that has really challenged me came from Linda Dillow, in her book, What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?

In your mind’s eye, visualize yourself going to a funeral of a loved one.  Picture yourself driving to the church, parking the car, and getting out.  As you enter the sanctuary, you hear your favorite song being played, you see the faces of friends and family and feel the sorrow of loss and the joy of having known that is so evident on their faces.  As you walk to the front of the church, you come face-to-face with—you!  With disbelief, you realize that this is your funeral- 30 years from today.  The people gathered together are here to express their love and appreciation for your life.  

Numb with shock, you are led to a seat and handed a program. You open it up and see that there are to be 3 speakers.  

Now think long and hard!

  • Who would those 3 speakers be in your life?
  • What would you like them to say about you?
  • What character qualities would you like them to have seen in you?
  • What kind of relationship would you want him/her to describe?
If one of those speakers is your spouse,
  • what do you want your husband/wife to say about you after many years of marriage?
  • What kind of love relationship would you want him to describe?
  • What kind of love would you have wanted him to have received from you during all these years?

If you really take time to think about this, you will discover who and what is really important to you; and what your deepest values are.   To begin with the end in view helps you align your values with your choices- and that begins transformation.  You begin living in the context of what is most important to you!

So…what is it?  What do you want to be about?  What do you want to be true of you?

You got a plan?

(We’ll talk more about that in the next post!  I’m sure you’ve had so much fun doing this exercise, you’ll want to know more!  Ok!  So I know it’s work!  But you are worth it!  And so is your marriage! See you soon!)