How many times in your marriage relationship have you asked a question that begins with “What if?”

She asks “What if I go to all this effort & he doesn’t notice?”

He asks, “What if I try & she rejects me and says it’s not good enough?”

So many things we decide not to do because of ‘What if?”

But what if we both get serious about this relationship and be willing to do the next hard thing.  We want so much for love to be easy, but it’s not.  It is hard to humble ourselves and give

Out of love

true love

God given love

That we committed to at some point in our life.

Too often somewhere along the line, one or both of us started living complacent.  We became willing to get by

Not addressing the issues

Letting things ride

But under the surface we are starting to feel something

A disappointment

Or an aggravation

Or an anger

That begins to boil

And creates an internal distance

Which eventually becomes a visible distance!

Then it becomes much more difficult to work through than if we faced it right away.

I know- I KNOW- it’s hard!
Ren & I have been married 35 years- WE KNOW!

But I’m often reminded of the truth that one partner in a marriage doing their 50% can actually make much more than 50% of a difference.

That has been true for us.  That is actually part of being a team. Occasionally one partner carries the other for a season of time.

There was a time in our marriage that I was ‘working hard’ at our marriage- Ren was busy.  It was hard for him to focus on us.  He knew he had my support and thought we were doing ok!  I didn’t feel that way though.  So I made a choice to do what I could to strengthen our marriage from my end.  My contributions in attitude and behavior helped make the bigger difference in our relationship.

But in some pretty significant times in our life, particularly after our daughter Leisha died in 2006, I didn’t care. That ‘s probably not completely true- I cared, but everything was just TOOOOO hard.  If Rennie hadn’t intentionally turned toward me and chosen me – and my needs before his over and over again, I hate to think where we might be.  The percentage rates of divorce in couples who have lost a child are astronomical.  Each partner wishing the other could fill a hole they couldn’t fill if they wanted too.  And they don’t because of the hole in their own heart.

It was in that moment that Rennie chose to pursue me.

Rennie’s lion heart that prefers to roar in the challenge
Purposefully reached for me with gentleness and kindness
Intentionally wooed me- not with flowers or candy
But with his eyes, his ears, his heart, his time,
Listening intently to my heart
Even when there were too many words for his.

He also empowered my relationships with girlfriends
That would love on me, encourage me, challenge me
In a way he couldn’t to turn to him.

At a time when I struggled with him,

He courted me.

He waited for me.

He loved me.

Just the way I was!

Sometimes being a team means doing your part when your partner can’t seem to do theirs.

But if all of life was him doing for me and I didn’t respond. That wouldn’t be a marriage. If all of life was me doing for him and he didn’t respond.  That wouldn’t be a marriage.

It might be service, or slavery.  It could be manipulation, or abuse. Someone is always winning, which means someone is losing.That marriage doesn’t last long.

I know of extreme situations of health that keep one partner serving the other with no response.  That act of service is an incredible picture of faithful love.  But notice there is unhealth there.  Someone is dying, someone is giving and losing.

If we have a choice to thrive, why would we choose otherwise? 

Woven through out any marriage are times of great sacrifice.  But it also needs times of deep oneness, intimate knowing and  holy intimacy. It is in those moments that your love is affirmed, your sacrifice rewarded.  Those are the times when you would say “I do” over and over again and often do.  Those are the places where you cling closely to one another because you want to- not just choose too.  Your breathing falls in sync with his and your hearts beat as one.

Those are sweet times for both of you!  You both win!

Those are times of tremendous teamwork-

Together playing defensively to protect your marriage from the enemy’s attempt to destroy you.

Together working offensively to reach the goals and dreams of each partner, but also of the marriage.

That’s great team work!  Two key words: team & work.  But together they are powerful at designing the marriage you long for.

WHAT IF your marriage could find even greater oneness as you develop yet another skill at team work?

Come join the team at

CELEBRATE YOUR DANCE,
February 15 at 3:00-5:00pm.

We will have an instructional dance lesson,

refreshing treats,

and interactive team building activities.

To register,
CLICK HERE!

 

 

WHAT IF we could have some fun strengthening the team work in our marriages?

We are! Join us!

See you at the DANCE!

Kathy & Rennie