Category Archives: stuck

Say It Like It Really Is

In the last post, we were taking a look at Psalm 77 and considering what it had to teach us about our response the losses and hard places in our life.  If you are just joining in this post- you will want to go back to the posts linked below to get caught up.  Then you can join us again and things will make more sense.

This is the third post in a series called
Hope and Healing in the Holidays. 
The first post: 
Hope & Healing in the Holidays
The second post: 
Have you noticed what you need this holiday? 

But actually you might want to start here to get some background on where this series is going:
Looking at the BIG moments that Change Your Life

Let’s continue on in Psalm 77:7-9 to see another way he teaches us to respond.  This is where the Psalmist, well, some people might say he was throwing a tantrum.  But actually he is  showing us how to get ‘unstuck’ by honestly EXPRESS our EMOTIONS.

Ok!  Make a fist again.  Open up the pinky finger from yesterday (NOTICE THE NEEDS) and this time open the ring finger as well to… Continue reading Say It Like It Really Is

Looking at the BIG Moments that Change Your Life

The discussion Rennie & I shared  with a small group of friends turned to moments in our life we remember really well.

We each shared stories of special events- concerts, sporting events, etc. that we recalled in vivid detail.  We remembered who was with us, what happened, how it felt.  Often, someone would share how that moment had changed their life. 

Like the young man who as a boy was with his father at a baseball game when a world breaking home run was made.  He remembered the permission he and the entire grandstand had to celebrate the moment in a loud and crazy fashion.

Or the young woman who just experienced a training event over the weekend that seems to have had a life-changing impact on her future. She spoke with excitement, passion and tears about the moment she knew this was was she needed to do next.

Then our leader asked, ” What is the arena where God shows up in our life?”

Life events – Tragedies – Celebrations

We all had moments to share.  And most of them were the Big Moments.  Moments we could recall in vivid detail.  We remembered who was with us, what happened, how it felt.  Often, someone would share how that moment had changed their life.

I immediately thought of my MOMENT. Actually a series of moments that I consider to be my RED SEA moment. Continue reading Looking at the BIG Moments that Change Your Life

Who Are You Supposed to Be

What if you already ARE who you are supposed to be?  

I have pondered the words for several days. Here I am, once again questioning what I need to do to get better- be more.  It seems like I should be well past this.  I mean I’m—well, old enough to know better.

Once again I feel ‘stuck’.

Often when I work with a coaching client to identify what is causing the ‘stuck’ feeling as they try to move forward, I use the metaphor like…

“Life is a Highway!”

We jump in an imaginary helicopter of sorts and get a bird’s eye view of all the lanes of their life: spiritual, professional, family, personal, physical, financial, social, etc.

Often when they take that perspective on their lives, they can tell which lane has a car with a flat tire that is causing slow down in the other lanes, or they see there was an accident that is causing a traffic jam every where else.

Or they might find that one lane, like the professional lane is going a different direction than the family lane.  The difference may be slight, but in the long run, they are not going to end up in the same place.  Just recognizing that helps my clients tweak a few changes while they are little to help them get where they want to go.

Good exercise, very helpful on many levels since we are all familiar with the process of planning a journey.

However, the exercise can be somewhat misleading. It can imply that who we are is out there somewhere.

But what if we already ARE who we are supposed to be?

What if we already have within ourselves what we need
to do what we were made to do?

David Benner recently challenged this thought as I reread his book, The Gift of Being Yourself .  He writes,

Once we realize this {that we already are what we seek and where we long to arrive}, the nature of the journey reveals itself to be more one of awakening than accomplishment, more one of spiritual awareness than spiritual achievement. 

Awakening! 

Yes, I’ve experienced this many times during the decades of my life. Moments when I am suddenly aware that my skills and abilities – even my dreams are exactly what was needed.

But that’s truly what they are- moments.  Just as sure as I know I’m the right person in the right place at the right time, I become unsure, or at least less sure.  However they are not just fleeting moments.

If I’m paying attention,  especially exquisite attention I’ve talked about in recent posts, then the truth of each moment teaches me something about myself.

Maybe I learn I have a strength I didn’t know- or need before that moment.  Or perhaps I see that I can be very creative and resourceful in other moments.

As I continue to journey on life's highway, I am not 'becoming'- I am awakening to who I am. Click To Tweet

Even after all my years of life, today I continue to awaken to who I was created to be.

What about you?

Where do you feel ‘stuck’?

What do you think you need to get ‘unstuck’?

What if you already ARE who you need to be and HAVE within yourself what you need to have to move forward?

If you believe this to be true, how does it change your behavior in this moment? 

Here’s to both of us- Awakening! and living like we believe!

Be inspired to Be You!

The Day I Made A Word: Cele-dread

Reposted from 4 years ago…

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Cele-dreaded this day!

This is the day – you know –
the one you CELEBRATE  because it acknowledged a great accomplishment by people you care about.
But also the day you DREAD because it reminded you that something is not right about this day.
I’ve worked hard to ‘prepare’ myself for this day
I didn’t know how having it all happen just before Mother’s Day might affect me!
I’ve cried- or needed to cry- often
I couldn’t figure out why-
Why do I feel so very sad
Why do I feel so full of grief
Why can’t I stop thinking about her
Why…does…it…hurt…so…bad…???
This is the day when
her close friends are graduating,
I’ve known that Jameson & Kelsey & Abby were all graduating this May. I’ve been excited for them and watched closely as they posted pictures and updates of all that is happening and all the plans to come.
This is the day when her sisters, Caitlin & Brielle,
are getting engaged,
and hunting for the right dresses
And choosing bridesmaids,  and colors, and flowers
and planning showers, and weddings and receptions
But this also the day I remember- that she isn’t here!
The day I ponder in so many ways what could have been, if only…!
This could have been her year to graduate from some college
To have a boyfriend
Maybe even to be getting married too.
I can see it happen.
I celebrate these dear people and the steps they are taking
But I dread the emotion because it reminds me that it will never, ever be ‘right’.
No matter how hard I/we all try.
She will always be gone- the bold, boisterous, life of the party, troublemaker that she was
We will always miss her presence with us
I always miss her
Cele-dread!
But today Tim read 1 Cor 13- 3 times he read it during Shalom
Each time the words I heard were
‘if we do not love, we are nothing.’
I loved!
I still love!
Just because she is in heaven doesn’t mean I have quit loving her!
It’s because I love that this day hurts so very deep.
It’s my love that causes my heart to break
On this day
On all of these days of celebration.
As I look as these precious people- men and women that she loved too!
Some that she never got to meet
I rejoice for what God is doing in them- through them- around them
I celebrate the love I feel for them- and they for me
I cherish it!
I could NOT not love them.
That would be far worse to me
To have never have loved at all
It might mean that it would not hurt so much now
But what would make life worth living without that love.
I could fear losing and therefore not love so that I would not get hurt
But truly to ‘not have love, means I have nothing’
I have a heart that is full- of emotion, of sadness yes, but also of joy, and gratitude,
For the life I knew
For the sense that I am loved
And that I love still!
That’s something!
I celebrate!

Defining STUCK

make a difference
This morning I looked up the definition of STUCK.

It is an adjective, a word that describes.

The Cambridge dictionary defines STUCK as :
unable to move from a particular position or place,
or unable to change a situation:

Examples of this are:
This door seems to be stuck.
I hate being stuck at a desk all day.
Ty got stuck with doing the laundry.
Hmm?
As I look back over the words we used to describe STUCK in the last post,  (you can read it here), I think that definition works.  We do tend to feel like we are unable to move from a particular position or place when we are consumed with fear, worry, anger, and perfectionism.  Or when we are confused and lack purpose or direction.
Many times we feel,  and sometimes, are unable to change a situation when we deal with rejection, or financial fears, or relationship issues.
Even in the wake of the current events in our world we feel  STUCK; uncertain of what to do that will make any difference at all in the chaos.
Add to that the myriad of messages that are part of our stuck place:
  • I’m not good enough.
  • You never finish anything
  • Who do you think you are?
  • I can’t do it as well as _(fill in the name)__so why bother!
  • Who would listen to me anyway?

Whew! We can get pretty deep in STUCK without even trying.

The problem is that when we get stuck and don’t know what to do, we often do nothing.
We are afraid that if we try to talk with our friend who rejected us, it will only make the situation worse, so we do nothing.
The financial situation we are in is so big and we can’t see what else we can do, so we keep doing the same stuff that got us here in the first place, or we do nothing at all.
We know we are not as good at something our competitors does so we throw up our hands and do nothing.
Fear is paralyzing!
Worry is exhausting!
Even boredom is draining!
The outcome of STUCK can be more STUCK!
OR
STUCK can be the motivation we need to spur us on to make a change.
So what kind of STUCK are you?
STUCK STUCK?
or STUCK MOTIVATED for CHANGE?
Leave a comment below- not for us, but for you to be honest with yourself about where you are.  That’s where we have to start.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
P.S.  How do I know so much about STUCK?  Well, let me tell you how… in the next post.  See you then.
P.S.S. Don’t forget to declare:
STUCK STUCK?
or STUCK MOTIVATED FOR CHANGE

Coaching on Stuck

FROM STUCK TO MADI had a delightful Saturday morning with an inspiring group of women at the Grace Church, Perrysburg, OH for their REFRESH & RENEW Conference recently. Wanted to share with you some of what we talked about at that event.

We spent our time together refreshing our viewpoints about ourselves, our story and our view of God.  We renewed our vision about the kind of difference we wanted to make in our lifetime. But we started with some honest talk about the ‘real’ of life.

As a life coach and former pastor’s wife, I’ve talked with a lot of women over the years.  There have been two reoccurring themes that continue to come out in those conversations.

  1. I want to make a difference with my life.
  2. I’m stuck.

Does that sound familiar to your story? You want to make a difference.  You want to influence your world for good through your life in your lifetime.

But you are stuck!  Or you have been!  If you aren’t stuck, or haven’t been, you will be so we might as well talk about it. You know what stuck feels like. Stuck has kept you from making the difference you long to make.   So before we talk about the kind of difference we want to make let’s talk about the obstacles to it. Continue reading Coaching on Stuck