Category Archives: Love Language

Celebrate the Dance, GHC opportunities, Intimacy, Living Intentionally, LOVE, Love Language, Marriage, Marriage Vision, persistance, Relationship Issues, roles and relationships

Who is carrying your team?

February 2, 2015 Kathy Leave a comment

How many times in your marriage relationship have you asked a question that begins with “What if?”

She asks “What if I go to all this effort & he doesn’t notice?”

He asks, “What if I try & she rejects me and says it’s not good enough?”

So many things we decide not to do because of ‘What if?”

But what if we both get serious about this relationship and be willing to do the next hard thing. We want so much for love to be easy, but it’s not. It is hard to humble ourselves and give

Out of love

true love

God given love

That we committed to at some point in our life.

Too often somewhere along the line, one or both of us started living complacent. We became willing to get by

Not addressing the issues

Letting things ride

But under the surface we are starting to feel something

A disappointment

Or an aggravation

Or an anger

That begins to boil

And creates an internal distance

Which eventually becomes a visible distance!

Then it becomes much more difficult to work through than if we faced it right away.

I know- I KNOW- it’s hard!
Ren & I have been married 35 years- WE KNOW!

But Continue reading Who is carrying your team? →

Fresh start, GHC opportunities, Intimacy, Living Intentionally, LOVE, Love Language, Marriage, Marriage Vision, Questions?, Relationship Issues, roles and relationships, Sex

I do love you! I think?

January 7, 2015 Kathy Leave a comment

You look over at this person next to you!

You still see his handsome features, the ones that attracted you to him when you first met. You see the lines that are forming on his face, just as they are on yours. You know that look when one eye brow seems to clamp tighter around his eye, while the other one remains the same- as if one part of him was uptight and the other part relaxed.

You look at her, years of motherhood and caring for a family and her world have changed her. But peering from behind all that are the eyes of the beautiful, young girl that won your heart so long ago. She still reaches up and plays with that small tuft of hair right by her ear as she is deep in thought or developing some creative vision.

You love him! You love her! Really love from a place so deep you never knew it existed.

But today….Argh! Continue reading I do love you! I think? →

GHC opportunities, Intimacy, LOVE, Love Language, Sex

Save the Date:October 3 & 4, 2014

July 7, 2014 Kathy Leave a comment

THE NAKED TRUTH- the conference!

OCTOBER 3 & 4, 2014 Shawnee Alliance Church, Lima, OH

For more information, click here!

If you are a woman who connects with women, click here!

If you are a woman with more questions, email kathy@greenhopecoaching.com

Celebrate the Dance, Intimacy, LIFE, LOVE, Love Language

I don’t dance, I’m a preacher’s kid!

June 6, 2014 Kathy Leave a comment

Don’t laugh! I recently had someone ask how I got from the kid who wouldn’t dance to a life coach that is using the CELEBRATE THE DANCE as one of her signature events.

I don’t dance, I’m a preachers kid! That’s what I used to say as a young girl that got invited to parties. I don’t dance! My dad’s profession took the brunt of it regarding things I felt I shouldn’t do.

My dad’s a preacher, I don’t drink. My dad’s a preacher, I don’t go to movies.

My dad’s a preacher… i only play Rook!

The only thing all of that had to do with my dad was that I was living out his standards for life. But I really had not made them my own.

Honestly, I didn’t drink because I didn’t have a taste for it at all. Still don’t! And I didn’t like what it did to my friends that had too much.

I did understand the importance of what movies I viewed- the whole ‘garbage in, garbage out’ philosophy made good sense to me. That still applies. But I do love a good story.

The card thing- well, I never really got that- unless that it was involved with gambling of some sort. But that’s never been part of my game.

But dancing—that has been a lifelong processing for me. Now I did get that as a young teen, dancing was a way for physical touch that might ‘lead to things’ as they often did when a fire was ignited before it’s time. And there was often uncontrolled drinking associated with dancing! So…I got that too!

The interesting thing to me is that I always felt like ‘dancing!’ It was part of so much of what I did! Even as a kid! I used my hands when I talked- a lot! In some ways, that is like dance. Movement to express yourself. I heard music and my body felt the rhythm- not inappropriately- but wholy! To the very core of my being! and HOLY in worship!

I read the Bible and it talked about dancing- before the Lord! Lifting my hands to him! Praising him with my whole being!

What’s more- when I got married, my husband liked to dance! He honored my ‘I don’t dance!” even though he didn’t understand all my reasons.

But in recent years, I sensed a growing desire in me to dance! In my marriage, in worship, in my yard, as I clean, etc…my whole being praising the Lord, delighting in the closeness of my husband, celebrating life!

Eric Little, whose story is told in Chariots of Fire, once said, “When I run, I feel His pleasure!”

That how I feel! When I dance- be it still quite moderately and unskilled- I feel God’s pleasure! I feel my husband’s love! I feel joy! For a preacher’s kid who was more aware of the ‘judgement’ of God than His pleasure- this is a big step for me!

Why do we dance at CELEBRATE THE DANCE? Because it is an active way to be close, to experience the presence of our mate, and to feel HIS pleasure!

Why don’t you dance? or are you? What’s the quality of your dance? I can usually tell how our marriage is doing by how we ‘dance’ in it!

I challenge you to CELEBRATE YOUR DANCE with us – Sunday, June 8th at 3:00pm. We’ll have a one hour dance lesson and then talk about what you learned about your marriage out on the dance floor! You will be surprised what you learn!

We have a few more spaces open yet for Sunday! Let me, Kathy, know today that you would like to come. Call or text me at 419-306-8311. Or email me at kathy@greenhopecoaching.com.

Need more information, feel free to call or click here to see the invitation.

I honestly love saying to people, “See you at the dance!”

Celebrate the Dance, GHC opportunities, LOVE, Love Language, Marriage Vision

The DANCE: From one guy to another!

May 23, 2014 Kathy Leave a comment

Hi GHC community,
This note is from Rennie, husband to the Green Hope Coach, Kathy Burrus. And yes, if you ask him, he will say being married to me is a challenge. Here are his words regarding the special event for married couples called CELEBRATE THE DANCE. So guys, this is from one husband to another.

“From my experience, THE DANCE event is something that is fun to do together and be close to one another.

You each have a part to play that is important or it doesn’t work. When each of you do your part, it works. When one messes up, you both stop and get going again. Just like in real like, you have to work hard to stay in step. Not only do you watch what you are doing, but you have to pay attention to what your partner is doing too.

You need to come! We need to always be working to improve. We are never just maintaining. Either we are moving ahead and growing or we are going backwards. We aren’t going to just coast.

We must always be listening and growing and learning how to respond to one another better. We can always learn something new.

See you at the DANCE! JUNE 8TH at 3:00pm
Tanya’s School of Dance, Lima

Here’s your personal invitation!

TO REGISTER, click here or email kathy@greenhopecoaching.com.

Celebrate the Dance, GHC opportunities, Intimacy, LOVE, Love Language

Celebrate the Dance!

May 7, 2014 Kathy 1 Comment

Several years ago, our family (Ren & I, along with our girls) joined two other families for a ballroom dance class. There were just enough boys for the amount of girls we had. As we “attempted’ to dance, I was struck by the story each pair of dancers conveyed. We had the young partners who were just discovering the joys of being in the presence of the opposite sex. To even hold the hand of their partner was fun. Every fiber in their being was paying attention to what was happening- or what needed to happen to make this dance work. We had the parents- all of us married different lengths of time, focusing on learning the moves, but also struggling with communicating on the dance floor. It was enjoyable, but usually one partner was trying harder than the other. One partner was getting the steps more easily than the other. It made for jerky and awkward movement around the dance floor. I began to see in our own dance how Ren and I were dealing with issues on the dance floor that were similar to our marriage relationship. Ren was working so hard to do it right- I just wanted to have fun! The difference in philosophy definitely affects the grace- or ungrace- with which you ‘float romantically around the room.” HA! I whispered in Rennie’s ear, “This would be great premarital counseling for couples.” He just laughed and said, “left, quick, quick, right, quick, quick”. So much for that!!! But when Green Hope Coaching began, and I saw the need couples had for some easier ways to have the harder discussions, I realized that GHC could build a platform for couples on the dance floor. Oh, I never intend for it to be a show place or a reality TV show. But a space for couples to enjoy each other’s presence while identifying what works for them- and what doesn’t – on and off the dance floor. Our signature event, CELEBRATE THE DANCE was introduced. DANCE TITLE Several times a year, Rennie & I partner with Tanya & Doug Shafner of Tanya’s School of Dance in Lima and invite area couples to join us for one hour of ballroom dance lessons with one hour of group/ couple conversation about what we learned about our marriage dance. Here are some of the comments we have heard: “How did you know what questions to ask? I didn’t think my husband was capable of saying something like that to me- or about me? Thank you! It was so special to me to hear him say those words. ” “I never knew how much I was fighting against my spouse. Neither of us see any progress that way. If we worked together, we both got where we wanted to be and enjoyed the process.” “Who would have thought having the hard conversation could be so much fun! I was dreading this- but it was really enjoyable.” One husband said, “I only came because I knew my wife would love this. But I’ll have to admit, the benefit of honoring her in this was worth it all the way around.” So… Here’s your invitation to the Dance! CELEBRATE YOUR DANCE! June 8th, 2014 at 3:00pm at Tanya’s School of Dance, Lima, Ohio To register, click the link. Make a date with your sweetheart and join Ren and I for a enjoyable afternoon with other couples who want to grown their marriages also. Guys, Doug Schafner of Tanya’s School of Dance said to tell you, “If you can learn a football play, you can learn to dance. Besides, if your lady loves it- you will too!” How about it? Celebrate the Dance is all about helping each of us Become One- on and off the dance floor!

Communication, Love Language, managing life

Just when you need it most!

January 27, 2014 Kathy Leave a comment

The month of January I have ‘set aside’, so to speak, to regain some strength from all of last year! I know, I’ve mentioned that a lot already. But I have used much of this month to ponder what the rest of my year will be devoted to. It has not only been extremely refreshing for me- but very insightful.

Well, last night, as we were getting ready for bed, I asked Ren to look at a draft of what I call my “Ideal Week”. I was challenged to do the exercise by Michael Hyatt (want to know more- go to http://michaelhyatt.com/081-how-to-create-more-margin-in-your-crazy-busy-life-podcast.html ) (Good exercise by the way!!!)

The article talks about the need for margin in the middle of our crazy, busy lives. While I am not experiencing that this month, I have and will again soon. His suggestion was to fill out a schedule of what that ideal week would look like. Now he’s very aware of the things that interrupt our lives and keep ideal weeks from happening. But he makes a great point, “Life is a long-distance run not a sprint. If you and I are going to be effective over the long-term, we have to create margin and pace ourselves.”

We must be intentional.

So I copied off Michael’s example that is available at his blog, and fashioned it for my own. You can too! Just click on the picture. It will take you to Michael’s post. Scroll down and you will find some links to an Excel spreadsheet or a .pdf file so you can view what he did,

What was interesting was that I thought Ren would look at my schedule, and see that I was being quite intentional about pacing myself in the ‘getting work done’ aspect. I had a regular wake up time each day and a work day planned. Not to mention my extra events in the evenings and weekends included. I intend to make my business work and therefore, must plan my work.

But he pondered it for just few minutes and said, “No, no, no- you don’t have enough margin planned in your week. If you try to do all this, you will be exhausted by Wednesday. For one thing, you need to not push to be up with an alarm every week day. You don’t work well if you don’t have some days where your body can just wake up when it needs too.

Now that’s a very true statement. But I felt like he thought that was just my lazy way of doing life for the last few years, and I needed to kick it in gear now that I’m working on my own. But suddenly my husband, who is up hours before me and often at work for a while on one of my good days, gave me permission to do life and business like I need to do life and business.

There was a time in my life, when giving myself ‘margin’ still allowed me to get up earlier and work longer and weekends. But now, with the limitations I deal with at this point in my health- that does not work for me.

Just when I needed it most, he reminded me to BE ME! Even though his need for margin and pace is so very different from mine, he was seeing me! Knowing me! Giving me permission to do it my way! As I allow for the ‘margins’ that my health needs, I’m actually stronger in every other way.

How about you? What are the margins you need to be allowing in your life, so that you are stronger elsewhere?

What permissions do you need to be giving those you love? How can you encourage them to BE themselves? Where can you help them create margin so they can be stronger?

Who knows, you might offer a tremendous gift, just when they need it most!

Thanks Rennie!

Love Language

What’s your Love Language?

August 19, 2012 Kathy Leave a comment

How many times do we go out of our way to do something really great for our spouse- something we would really love if they did it for us- only to have it fall flat when we give our offering? We’re left with our mouth gaping and our hands empty in shock. Too often, our response is to quickly think, “Well, if that’s how he/she is going to respond, I won’t bother to try next time! We’ll see how they like that!”

Unfortunately, that happens far to often!

We work hard to learn to communicate with our spouse, but many times we forget to learn what our definitions are regarding love. I say, “I love spending time with you!” and I mean, I love the time we spend together sharing our hearts and hearing your dreams and fears. He says, “I love spending time with you” and he means I love working together on a project, or cuddling together in bed. Both show love, but sometimes we’re not meaning the same things as we try to communicate.

Gary Chapman, in his book 5 Love Languages, challenges us to learn each other’s language. To get clear on the vernacular that makes your special someone’s heart soar. And to know what you love, so that you can be tell your partner what you need from them.

The 5 Love Languages are:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Physical Touch

Find out your love language here! Encourage your spouse to take the assessment too! There are tools to help you identify ways to speak the love language of your partner with great success. Your marriage will thank you!

Communication, Intimacy, Love Language

You would think by now!!!

August 9, 2012 Kathy Leave a comment

Last week, I had one of those AHA moments. Actually it was more like “DUH!” with a big smack on the forehead to go with it! Ren & I have been married 33 years now. We dated 5 years before that! You would think by now,we would have figured out our relationship to the point that nothing ‘new’ would jump out at us. But there it was, and I almost had to laugh!

I’m a life and relationship coach, right? I ask a lot of questions by trade, but that’s been a part of who I am for most of my life. If you know me, you know that. You can only imagine what it’s like to be married to me! Ren is most often gracious when it comes to the barrage of questions that come flying at him at the end of a day. He doesn’t always think to tell me things that I would be interested in knowing, so I’ve learned to ask. And he’s learned to stop and think about the day so he can share it, rather than just blasting through it and on to the next.

The problem comes when my questions seem to hit a nerve. I can’t help it if sometimes my questions are used by the Holy Spirit to prompt him to think about what God might be saying to him in the moment. (Yeah, I know, Ren didn’t fall for that either.)

Well, Ren’s really good at being a student of me. He works hard to know who I am, what my love languages are and trying to think of me during the day. He can tell when I answer the phone if I’m feeling strong or not. No, he’s not perfect at it- but he does work hard. He often asks me what I need from him! I don’t always know, so I have to think about it.

The past couple of weeks have been very busy! Ren’s been dealing with some changes at work and I’ve been focused on the LEISHA’S HOPE event. So this past weekend, we were both feeling the need to reconnect with each other. We both know that a good time of physical intimacy would take care of Rennie’s need, but…! I was really struggling!

‘So what do you need from me? ”

“I… I need… I need you to… I need you to ask me questions!” That’s it! That’s what you would think I would know by now!

I’m asking Rennie questions, because I love questions. I’m loving Rennie like I need to be loved, but not in the way he needs to be loved. I need Rennie to love me like I try to love him- by asking questions. I need him to care about me enough to want to know not just what happened in my day, (which he often asks about) but, more importantly, how it affected me. One of my love languages is quality time- but to be more specific, it’s quality conversations, which includes quality questions. Of course, all that is assuming that quality listening is connected to that.

I often hear people say, “I never know what to ask!” I understand. Some of us are just think that way. But I didn’t start out being good at them. I loved them, but I didn’t always know what to ask, and still don’t. Often we just need a couple of things to get the conversation going, whether it is with our spouse, family member or even a complete stranger. So I created a question prompter. Click here for your own copy. I practice my questions ahead of time, so when the opportunity presents itself, I have some ready. You can too! Pick out a couple that you know will get things rolling.

So what was your favorite…?
(book, part of the movie, genre to listen to) That’s a great place to start.

How did you feel about … ?
Ren doesn’t like that one too much, but I love it! You know your spouse- you’ll figure it out soon enough.

My favorite is:
What are you hearing God saying to you today?

So it may not seem like a huge deal to you! But would your spouse love for you to ask them questions? It seems we get so caught up with ‘just the facts’, and we never take the time to seek to understand what those facts are doing to us or to them!

How often do we try to love someone, only to feel like that love is rejected or at least not appreciated. When in reality, we are loving as we long to be loved. If they did to us what we are doing to them, we would be thrilled. But they are not!

We’ll talk more about LOVE LANGUAGES in the future (cause I’m reading the book right now). But in the mean time, how about planning some time each day to sit with your spouse and ask a question. See what happens! You might be surprised!

Ren was!

GET YOUR QUESTION PROMPTER HERE!

Green HOPE Coaching