Category Archives: Living Intentionally

The Day I Made A Word: Cele-dread

Reposted from 4 years ago…

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Cele-dreaded this day!

This is the day – you know –
the one you CELEBRATE  because it acknowledged a great accomplishment by people you care about.
But also the day you DREAD because it reminded you that something is not right about this day.
I’ve worked hard to ‘prepare’ myself for this day
I didn’t know how having it all happen just before Mother’s Day might affect me!
I’ve cried- or needed to cry- often
I couldn’t figure out why-
Why do I feel so very sad
Why do I feel so full of grief
Why can’t I stop thinking about her
Why…does…it…hurt…so…bad…???
This is the day when
her close friends are graduating,
I’ve known that Jameson & Kelsey & Abby were all graduating this May. I’ve been excited for them and watched closely as they posted pictures and updates of all that is happening and all the plans to come.
This is the day when her sisters, Caitlin & Brielle,
are getting engaged,
and hunting for the right dresses
And choosing bridesmaids,  and colors, and flowers
and planning showers, and weddings and receptions
But this also the day I remember- that she isn’t here!
The day I ponder in so many ways what could have been, if only…!
This could have been her year to graduate from some college
To have a boyfriend
Maybe even to be getting married too.
I can see it happen.
I celebrate these dear people and the steps they are taking
But I dread the emotion because it reminds me that it will never, ever be ‘right’.
No matter how hard I/we all try.
She will always be gone- the bold, boisterous, life of the party, troublemaker that she was
We will always miss her presence with us
I always miss her
Cele-dread!
But today Tim read 1 Cor 13- 3 times he read it during Shalom
Each time the words I heard were
‘if we do not love, we are nothing.’
I loved!
I still love!
Just because she is in heaven doesn’t mean I have quit loving her!
It’s because I love that this day hurts so very deep.
It’s my love that causes my heart to break
On this day
On all of these days of celebration.
As I look as these precious people- men and women that she loved too!
Some that she never got to meet
I rejoice for what God is doing in them- through them- around them
I celebrate the love I feel for them- and they for me
I cherish it!
I could NOT not love them.
That would be far worse to me
To have never have loved at all
It might mean that it would not hurt so much now
But what would make life worth living without that love.
I could fear losing and therefore not love so that I would not get hurt
But truly to ‘not have love, means I have nothing’
I have a heart that is full- of emotion, of sadness yes, but also of joy, and gratitude,
For the life I knew
For the sense that I am loved
And that I love still!
That’s something!
I celebrate!

Two Views from my Thinking Chair!

This week in a Video I made for the GHC community, I challenged you to take time to PAY ATTENTION to what you noticed that struck a chord in the core of who you are. (say that 5 times fast)

Well, I do try to practice what I preach…so this morning I sat in one of my favorite thinking spots and asked myself I noticed about what had happened in my week.

It was quite a week: Continue reading Two Views from my Thinking Chair!

The Value of Paying Attention

This week’s Facebook Live Video,
INCLUDES:

 

Where Do You Live?

 

Recently a woman I worked with spoke these words, 
I never made it home.

Instantly I saw a split in the meaning of the words.

On the one hand she was saying she had never made the place she lived feel like home. Instead she had resented this house since life had fallen apart and she had been forced to settle there.

But the words resonated loudly for me with another, more poignant meaning.

I never made it home.

I’ve pondered that phrase often since the day we spoke.

How many times have women that I have met with uttered phrases very similar to that?

I never made it home. Continue reading Where Do You Live?

A Conversation about YOU: Woman!

What started with simple greetings and an order of coffee, became a conversation about YOU.  Not you personally, but you WOMAN, family member, friend, professional.

WOMAN who wants to make a difference in the world but feels enveloped by so many important things; spouse, kids, parents, job and friends.  These are surely the people we want to serve and influence for good. But sometimes there are so many ‘good’ things going on that we forget we ARE making a difference.

WOMAN who wonders if we truly know what we want to be true of our lives.  We find ourselves in a new place; an empty nest, a season of life, a change in job or relationships, and we puzzle over what we have accomplished in the past or whether we are on track to do all we want to have done at the end of our life.

Are we doing what is most important?  Or are we just reacting to the urgent that comes up in any given day. Continue reading A Conversation about YOU: Woman!

How Do You Measure a Year?

I love pondering mornings.  I love to ponder. So I don’t demand anything of myself on these mornings;

  • I turn off the alarm,
  • lay in bed till I feel like getting up and if I don’t feel like it, then I just stay put,
  • put on my ‘comfy’ clothes,
  • make sure I eat a healthy breakfast (I want to be able to think clearly.),
  • choose my favorite ‘wordless’ music station on Pandora, otherwise I spend all my pondering time singing along.
  • grab a blanket tablet of paper and a good writing pen,
  • and I ponder.

It’s mornings like these that allow my body to catch up with my mind and heart and spirit.  They are usually running ahead and if I don’t intentionally give myself some time to reflect, I end up getting all tangled up a few days down the line.

This morning when I flipped on Pandora, before I could click on my ‘wordless’ stations, the song Seasons of Love, began to play.  The lyrics start like this:

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure – measure a year in a life?

I’ve been fascinated with this song for a lot of years, but I thought it was especially poignant since my ‘ponderings’ for the morning had been largely focused on what I want to be true of this new year.

Wow!  There are only 525,600 minutes in a year?   Considering that one day holds 1440 minutes, that means we have already spent nearly 20,000 minutes of this new year!  I’m not usually into numbers, but this morning it caught my attention.

How do we measure a year?  

The song lyrics have some suggestions: Continue reading How Do You Measure a Year?

New WORD for a New Year

My Word for the year is EnJoy!

I am quite excited about this word.  Over the last 10 years my words have been  Hope- Hope & More HOPE!  I had that word for several years. It’s a great word, but it was a desperate time for me.

One year the word was TRUST, another year it was BE STILL. (I know technically two words, right?) Last year my word was FINISH which was appropriate since my goal was to complete the Lovely Traces of Hope book.

These were all great words and they were significant to me at the time, but they all had a urgency to them, desperation is still the better word.  Even being still was a challenge word at the time.

But this year, the word that keeps coming to me Continue reading New WORD for a New Year

A Journey to Be!

Below, I am REPOSTING a post from a year a go.  I wrote this during my first ever writer’s conference- TRIBEWRITER’s in Franklin, TN last August 2015.  I remember being scared, excited, sick to my stomach and sure this was my next right/write step. 

Today as I prepare to attend my second Tribewriter conference, I read this post agin.  I am in awe of all that has happened in a year.  

A year ago, I spoke the words “I am a writer” for the first time. A year ago I declared that I would finish writing and publish a book.  

Now it is done.  It took a great deal more to complete this task than I ever dreamed, but I have a book to show to the Jeff Goins as I thank him for helping me own who I am and  for introducing me to Christine Niles and others who inspired and challenged me through this process.

I don’t know what I will learn this year at TRIBEWRITERS, but I’m scared, excited, sick to my stomach and sure this is the next right/write step. Pray for me!

*******

As a child, did you ever wonder what you would be when you grew up?  Journey to Be

I did often.  It had everything to do with being a mom, and working with music and worship in the local church. And if I happened to be married to a pastor, that would be all the better. I never wanted to be anything else.

But today I sat in a room full of people and realized that is not who I am anymore.  I still have the same gifts and abilities.  I still love music and prefer to use it to lead others in worship.  I still have a husband who thinks about ways to teach God’s word and loves to talk about church leadership.

The fact that I am not what I once was used to feel like failure, then just loss.  But today I came to see in fresh ways that all that WAS is part of all that IS.   All that I have learned is part of all that I now share.

From the memories of all that I am from to the discovery of the voice that has always been within me, I am still me.

Only more!

I’m more aware!

I’m more raw!

I’m more real!

And that is good.

Today I came closer to identifying and becoming content with who I am!

I am an entrepreneur.   I own a business.

I am a coach and a speaker.

I am part of a tribe and I am a leader of tribes.

I am also a writer!

It is out of who I am now that I will write.  It might suit you and it might not.  I might speak to the core of your issues and I might not.  I might write out of the suffering more than the healing and I might not.

But I will write because I must. I will continue to explore who I am coming to be because I will not go back.  I will continue to share the truths that I am being taught.

From the memories of all that I am from to the discovery of the voice that has always been… Click To Tweet

I will not count the past as lost, or wasted.  I will see it for the training ground it has been.   I will not fear the present or the future because I have known the hand of God in bringing me to this point.  I will trust it as I continue on.

Today I have seen more of me.

And it’s ok!

So are you!

Who are you today?  What do you need to embrace in this day?

Join me in the journey to be,  won’t you?

Sacred Space

by Kathy BurrusSacredSpace

There is a sacred space

Between life and death

Hope and doubt

Faith and fear

A space that leaves you feeling as if each foot is in a different world

And the whirling of emotions leaves you either paralyzed in or running

To or from, in or out

It sometimes doesn’t matter

You find yourself wrestling in a moment of crisis Continue reading Sacred Space