Category Archives: grief

grief, healing, Holiday, Hope, stuck

Say It Like It Really Is

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In the last post, we were taking a look at Psalm 77 and considering what it had to teach us about our response the losses and hard places in our life.  If you are just joining in this post- you will want to go back to the posts linked below to get caught up.  Then you can join us again and things will make more sense.

This is the third post in a series called
Hope and Healing in the Holidays. 
The first post: 
Hope & Healing in the Holidays
The second post: 
Have you noticed what you need this holiday? 

But actually you might want to start here to get some background on where this series is going:
Looking at the BIG moments that Change Your Life

Let’s continue on in Psalm 77:7-9 to see another way he teaches us to respond.  This is where the Psalmist, well, some people might say he was throwing a tantrum.  But actually he is  showing us how to get ‘unstuck’ by honestly EXPRESS our EMOTIONS.

Ok!  Make a fist again.  Open up the pinky finger from yesterday (NOTICE THE NEEDS) and this time open the ring finger as well to… Continue reading Say It Like It Really Is →

grief, healing, Holiday, Hope, Psalm 77, worry

Have you noticed what you need this holiday?

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The holidays often bring with them this expectation of sparkle.  The tables are beautifully set, the food is perfectly delicious, the relationships with family and friends are glowing.

But just looking around my church  this weekend, I saw face after face that told me that it wasn’t that way for everyone.  Most homes are fortunate to get 1 or 2 out of 3, but the person who has all three- is probably not reading my website.

For many, the holidays only accentuate the awareness that things are not right, relationships are broken, money is tight.  Life is not what you hoped it would be. Instead of the feelings of joy and delight, we feel fear and disappointment. The greater the expectation of sparkle, the deeper the funk we get in when it is not.

Instead of smiles and bright eyes, we often have furrowed brow and hands made into fists.

So how can we expect to find hope and healing in these holidays?

In my last post, (You can read it here) we talked about how our defining moments do not have to be those situations or losses in our life that we have no control over.

But we can do something about Continue reading Have you noticed what you need this holiday? →

grief, healing, Holiday, Hope, respond

Hope & Healing in the Holidays

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Days before Thanksgiving, I am noticing many people are writing or sharing posts and articles about ways to find hope and healing in the holidays.Honestly, the holidays are still one of the most difficult moments in my grief.

Our daughters, Caitlin and Brielle, come home – though often not at the same time. They are both married so we’ve also added two special son-in-laws. But when we are all together we are more aware than ever that Leisha is not among us.

After some earlier losses in life, I could still “manufacture” some of sparkle and gratitude of the holidays. I could still muster it mostly because I’m a positive person and I don’t have to work too hard to at least ‘appear’ happy.

But after Leisha died, it was not possible to even pretend to make that happen.

I’m sure I’ve shared this before, but for me grief was a feeling of being in a really dark tunnel where the mud was up past the top of my head and I couldn’t move a finger let alone breathe.

The harder I tried to get out the deeper I got Into the mire, into the mud, into the darkness.

Maybe you are reading this because you are Continue reading Hope & Healing in the Holidays →

Bible stories, fear, God showed up, grief, healing, Hope, life lessons, Lovely Traces, Moses

What Happens When a Moment Changes Your Life

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In the last post, I talked about the big moments we can recall in vivid detail.  We remember who was with us, what happened, how it felt.  Often, we share how that moment changed our life.

I shared one moment that is talked about a lot in scripture- I call it the RED SEA story -when the children of Israel were caught between death – and death.  It was that moment when God showed up like he had never shown up before and they were saved. (You can read more about that in the post from yesterday)

I’m guessing that even as you read that description, you immediately think of one or more occasions in your own story that changed you.

I wish we could sit over a cup of coffee and share those moments together.  I would love to hear about the moment that changed you in the comments section or via email at kathy@greenhopecoaching.com.

For now, I’ll share my story RED SEA moment with you. It was the day my 15 year old daughter, Leisha, died.

I didn’t know how I was going to survive the grief tunnel any more than the children of Israel knew how they were going to get out of Egypt, or get through the Red Sea.

God had to show up! And he had to show up differently than he ever had before! Continue reading What Happens When a Moment Changes Your Life →

GHC opportunities, grief, Hope, influence, Living Intentionally, LOSS, make a difference, wrestling

6 Reasons to Be Grateful at a Funeral

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I recently attended the funeral, actually, the celebration of life of a 23 year old daughter of a friend.

The uncanny timing of this particular event was not lost on me.  As I sat at this funeral, I was reminded of another that took place just one week shy of 11 years ago- in the same church- led by the same pastor.  It was a funeral I was very much a part of since the life being celebrated was my 15 year old daughter, Leisha. Continue reading 6 Reasons to Be Grateful at a Funeral →

dream, fear, grief, healing, Hope, life lessons, Living Intentionally, LOSS, stuck

The Day I Made A Word: Cele-dread

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Reposted from 4 years ago…

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Cele-dreaded this day!

This is the day – you know –
the one you CELEBRATE  because it acknowledged a great accomplishment by people you care about.
But also the day you DREAD because it reminded you that something is not right about this day.
I’ve worked hard to ‘prepare’ myself for this day
I didn’t know how having it all happen just before Mother’s Day might affect me!
I’ve cried- or needed to cry- often
I couldn’t figure out why-
Why do I feel so very sad
Why do I feel so full of grief
Why can’t I stop thinking about her
Why…does…it…hurt…so…bad…???
This is the day when
her close friends are graduating,
I’ve known that Jameson & Kelsey & Abby were all graduating this May. I’ve been excited for them and watched closely as they posted pictures and updates of all that is happening and all the plans to come.
This is the day when her sisters, Caitlin & Brielle,
are getting engaged,
and hunting for the right dresses
And choosing bridesmaids,  and colors, and flowers
and planning showers, and weddings and receptions
But this also the day I remember- that she isn’t here!
The day I ponder in so many ways what could have been, if only…!
This could have been her year to graduate from some college
To have a boyfriend
Maybe even to be getting married too.
I can see it happen.
I celebrate these dear people and the steps they are taking
But I dread the emotion because it reminds me that it will never, ever be ‘right’.
No matter how hard I/we all try.
She will always be gone- the bold, boisterous, life of the party, troublemaker that she was
We will always miss her presence with us
I always miss her
Cele-dread!
But today Tim read 1 Cor 13- 3 times he read it during Shalom
Each time the words I heard were
‘if we do not love, we are nothing.’
I loved!
I still love!
Just because she is in heaven doesn’t mean I have quit loving her!
It’s because I love that this day hurts so very deep.
It’s my love that causes my heart to break
On this day
On all of these days of celebration.
As I look as these precious people- men and women that she loved too!
Some that she never got to meet
I rejoice for what God is doing in them- through them- around them
I celebrate the love I feel for them- and they for me
I cherish it!
I could NOT not love them.
That would be far worse to me
To have never have loved at all
It might mean that it would not hurt so much now
But what would make life worth living without that love.
I could fear losing and therefore not love so that I would not get hurt
But truly to ‘not have love, means I have nothing’
I have a heart that is full- of emotion, of sadness yes, but also of joy, and gratitude,
For the life I knew
For the sense that I am loved
And that I love still!
That’s something!
I celebrate!
Broken, grief, healing, Hope, influence, LOSS, Offering Hope

So. Much. Pain.

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I’m in the people business
Know people
Care for people
Feel for people

Because of this I have to be very aware of how I take in the emotions & pain of others. It can effect me not only emotionally, but physically as well.

Over the last few days a series of losses took my breathe away.

Death of a 26 year old friend of Leisha’s
Death of a 16 year old friend of a friend
Our friend’s 17 year old fighting for his life

Watching our parents process letting go of strength, while mourning each week the death of another friend or loved one.

Watching the girls navigate life and wondering what’s ahead for them and any future generations.

I’m not trying to take on all this pain but I’m struggling about what to do with my own emotions as I create a bigger picture for ministry I know I am part of
That involves more people
More stories
More pain.

Ah!
There it is!
The truth!

I fear feeling more.
Hurting more.

Then I reflected on the other messages
Continue reading So. Much. Pain. →

Broken, grief, LOSS, Uncategorized

A Broken Thanksgiving

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It is Thanksgiving Eve, though I have seldom heard it described in such a way, not like Christmas Eve or New Years Eve. But tonight it seems appropriate. It is the day before ‘the day’ set aside for thanks and gratitude.

Yet I sit huddled on my sofa, tears just boiling under the surface waiting to spill over. Emotions are all over the place and I wonder if I will ever again feel free to experience joy without a deep sense of sadness.

If all the conditions were right, Continue reading A Broken Thanksgiving →