Category Archives: LOSS

Living OPEN Handed: I have a NEED

This is the second post in the Living Open Handed series.

Let’s consider what it takes to LIVE with OPEN HANDS, in a white knuckle world.
Open handedI ask you make a fist again- because generally that is what our hand looks like when we are afraid. Now, consider your knuckles as a tool to help you remember how to OPEN your hands.

But we are going to work backwards.

First, Open your little finger and recall the N stands for:
I HAVE NEED——

When we experience fear, we become aware that we are in need.  We don’t often admit it, but we usually NEED God to show up in a big way.  However, too often we don’t go to God first.  Instead we have to recognize that a fear appears most often because a NEED we have is being compromised.  maslov's hierarch of needs

If you consider Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs that I studied in my classes for coaching, maybe you can identify what need is trampled in some way.

But another way to come to terms with your needs is to read the Psalms. 

How many times as you read through the Psalms do you find a Psalmist that is voicing your hearts cry.

In regard to your fears (refer to your list you made yesterday), what are the needs that are not being met? Write them down next to the fear.  Be as descriptive as you can be.  It will help with the next step in tomorrow’s post. 

Missed the first post, click here! 

Want to read the next one- here it is!

Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World

How many of us will honestly admit that we experience fears and tonightinsecurities – as a mom?  at my job? at school?  at home?    Most if not all of us will confess that we are afraid!  It is a common emotion that strikes to the heart of us- sometimes paralyzing our next move, sometimes forcing us to move with caution, sometimes just what we need to know we are going the right way.

I recently read a book by Henry Nouwen.  He shared these words. ”
There is a story of an elderly woman that was being admitted into a psychiatric hospital.  She was wild, swinging at everything in sight.  The staff was so concerned by her behavior that they had to take everything away from her.  But she made a fist so tight and would not give up.  It took two people to pry open her clenched hand.  In it was one small coin.  It was her last possession.  Her fear made her believe  if they took it, she would have nothing more, she would be nothing more.

As I read, my immediate thought was, “I don’t want to be that woman.” Continue reading Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World

To Offer HOPE to a Hurting Friend this Christmas

I would like to introduce you to a new friend Sarah Knepper.  I have asked to share a recent post here today.  Sarah is a stay-at-home mama of four and an engineer’s Sarah Knepperwife. She is a lover of words, encourager of women, and redeemed by a grace-giving God. She holds a Master’s Degree in Elementary Education and is the Volunteer Coordinator for the women’s events at her church. And she firmly believes that Jesus and coffee can get you anything.

Continue reading To Offer HOPE to a Hurting Friend this Christmas

Let’s Do This! Sarah’s Story!

Today I made two visits that I knew I would make one year ago. One with Sarah’s mom and the other to Sarah’s husband.

I met Sarah when I was ‘the youth pastor’s wife’ and Sarah was one of the youth. She was quiet, but when she smiled, you felt like smiling with her.

SeveralSarah years later she became the ‘youth pastor’s wife’ and my husband was the lead. Her personality remained reserved, but her smile was now matched by an incredible passion for the Lord that oozed out of her and sweetly touched the lives of the young people of our church.

And me! Continue reading Let’s Do This! Sarah’s Story!

Broken…to Whole!: the ANTONYM of Broken

In my last post on Broken…Made whole 2, we considered in what ways are we broken and the many synonyms for the word.

So what did you learn?  What are the areas of life that need attention? Some things are blaring- we know what’s broken and we think it can’t be fixed.  I know, because I already confessed that I felt that in several aspects of life.  But often, we don’t notice something is broken until we intentionally stop to look at our life.

Where are we limping by?

What are we always working around because we can’t seem to work through?

SCULPTURE & ARTBut…today’s post is on the OPPOSITE of BROKEN, Continue reading Broken…to Whole!: the ANTONYM of Broken

Broken…to Whole: Let me count the ways!

Broken to whole
Have you ever considered how many ways you can be broken?  I hear of brokenness in people, myself included, and I marvel at all the ways we can break.

From the internet dictionary,
I found these definitions:
bro·ken
ˈbrōkən’

Adjective

  1. Having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order. Another dictionary said “violently separated into parts.  Such as “a broken arm”. I might add “a broken heart after a tragic loss”.
    SYNONYMS: smashed, shattered, fragmented, splintered, crushed, snapped
     
  2.  (of a relationship) ended, such as through infidelity. “a broken marriage”
    SYNONYMS: failed, ended
  3. disrupted or divided. “broken families”
  4.  (of an agreement or promise) not observed by one of the parties involved.  “broken promises”
    SYNONYMS:  flouted, violated, infringed, contravened, disregarded, ignored, unkept
     
  5. of a person) having given up all hope; despairing. “he went to his grave a broken man”
    SYNONYMSdefeated, beaten, subdued
     
  6. having breaks or gaps in continuity.   “a broken white line across the road”” or a night of broken sleep”
    SYNONYMS: interrupted, disturbed, fitful, disrupted, discontinuous, intermittent, unsettled, troubled
     
  7. (of speech or a language) spoken falteringly, as if overcome by emotion, or with many mistakes, as by a foreigner. “a young man talking in broken Italian”
    SYNONYMS: halting, hesitating, disjointed, faltering, imperfect
     
  8. having an uneven and rough surface. “broken ground”
    SYNONYMSuneven, rough, irregular, bumpy

_________________________________________

Webster gave some additional definitions of BROKEN

:  Violently Separated into parts.
:  damaged or altered by breaking
:  having undergone or been subjected to fracture

:  being irregular, interrupted, or full of obstacles
:  violated by transgression
:  discontinuous, interrupted
:
  disrupted by change

:  made weak or infirm
:  subdued completely
:  crushed, sorrowful
:
  bankrupt
:
  reduced in rank

:  cut off
:  disconnected
:
  imperfectly spoken or written
:  not complete or full
:  disunited by divorce, separation, or desertion

Here are some other Related Words (I left the links in so you could check the definitions)

blasteddetonatedexplodedcracked,sliveredsplinteredsplit;
collapsedimplodeddemolisheddestroyeddevastatedpulverized,
ruinateruinedwrecked;damageddefaceddisintegrated,
dynamitedmangled,mutilatederadicatedexterminatedextirpatedobliterated, wiped out; breakable,  brittle,  delicate,  fragile,  frail,  frangible

We could go on- and on- and on with the study of this word broken. But I think with this list alone, all of us at one time or another have experienced brokenness!  Which means in our lives, and in our world, on a daily basis we come across someone who is at some place of “broken” which directly or indirectly influences us.

It’s not always fun to stay in this topic of brokenness.  But it seems it is important to consider “Where am I broken?”

Consider these different areas of your life-

Spiritual,
Family,
Professional,
Personal,
Physical,
Financial,
Social
Global

Now ask these questions.

Where am I experiencing brokenness?

Where is the source of the brokenness?

How is that broken place impacting other areas of my life?

What is God asking me to break to move forward? i.e. bad habit, or poor relationship, or a tradition

Before we can move toward wholeness, we must be willing to admit we are broken and in need of help.  Maybe it’s your finances- you don’t know how you will pay the bills.  Or perhaps your family is falling apart- or your marriage.  Or maybe your health is suffering.

Are you willing to say, “Lord, I am broken!”

If not, what are you afraid of? What keeps you from it? Are you in denial, pretending this will all go away? Which it may, but if you don’t deal with it directly, you may carry the baggage of it with you into the future.

Are you thinking that God only wants you to think of good things- not focus on the negative?  (I’ve actually heard that recently.)

God want us to see Him and know him to be GOD-enough for our real world- as things really are!  He wants intimacy with us and that means being honest and real with each other.  He is with us- if we are willing to see Him.  But we with Him too.  We have to be honest about it within ourselves- and with God!

This is the first step! Then we can begin to take steps toward WHOLE! I’m looking forward to that. Aren’t you?

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Broken… to Whole

Just the day before I said to my client, “well, I’m broken, and I can’t be brokenfixed.  Somehow God will just have to use me broken.”

But  this day a woman I barely knew sat across the table in my leaders huddle. She spoke, hesitant of sharing such an intimate story with a group of strangers.  Her parents had both died in an accident when she was young.  Life had been hard.  But now, so many years later she heard God saying to her,  “I want to make you whole again.”

In my heart I whispered, “I’ll never be whole.  I’ll always live broken.”  Leisha’s death left me broken- heart is too ripped, too many pieces have been lost. Some Doctors say I can’t be healed.  I can’t be fixed.

But the rest of the day those words rumbled around in my brain. Continue reading Broken… to Whole

Healing of a Broken Place

My NOTICING for this day!

The NAKED TRUTH event took place early this month- and that had been an answer to a prayer that was 20 years old.  I felt a FREEDOM that I have not felt for a long time.  I wasn’t afraid of what others would say because I sensed so strongly that God had not only called us to host this conference but had grabbed me by the wrist and led to the next person, or thing to do since the day I first heard his voice on this.   I was focused on women I love and care for.  and I was certain of God’s presence and pleasure as we built the platform for Linda and Juli to come to Lima.

Real healing came in the way women were responsive to the truths at the NAKED TRUTH event,  I continue to hear from women – married or single, young or old- that God met them and is taking them to a new place

  • in their understanding of themselves,
  • in their relationship with their mate, or understanding of a relationship in the past or of the future.
  • in their relationship with God.

 But healing came for me

Continue reading Healing of a Broken Place

Her Story Bloomed into Mine!

Have you ever read Any Andrews “Butterfly Effect”? The story of how one person’s decision made years earlier continues to have a ripple effect into the lives of others. Well! I experienced that this past week. Here’s my blog about how one woman choosing to let the ‘tree of life grow out of the root of her grief’ bloomed over into my story! Who is influencing you?  Who are you influencing?

The first post written here is from Feb of 2011.
The second one is from today, Oct 27, 2014.  Isn’t God amazing!

It happened again today.  A sudden welling up of emotion surprising me. I don’t know why since I have always been a complex emotional maze.  But this time was different.  That tear-filled mountain that picked the moment I was on the phone with the doctor’s office to erupt.

Sucking down hard, I urge myself:

 “Pull it together—where is THIS coming from?!”

The words didn’t just embolden and stand out on the page; they reached for me with their long arms, hands grabbing at my collar and pulling me in close  while shouting,

“SEE!  YOU ARENT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY KATHY!  LISTEN TO THIS GIRL!” Continue reading Her Story Bloomed into Mine!

The moments that will change us!

I hesitate to write this blog post today- let alone publish it.  I have so many intimate emotions still tied to it.  As I’ve pondered the passing of Robin Williams last week, I realize that to not share is to not tell my whole story.  I want to be authentic in my story.  I believe as I share, perhaps someone else will be helped.

This week is the 8th anniversary of our daughter’s death.  Leisha died August 16th, 2006.  I’ve known it was coming.  I’ve shed many tears over the last few weeks feeling different aspects of her absence  and celebrating her life as well.  Each year has been different when her birthday or anniversary rolls around.

But yesterday, for some reason the intensity of that loss squeezed in on me so tightly I thought I couldn’t breathe another breath. Continue reading The moments that will change us!