Category Archives: LOSS

Life’s Too Short!

Today I’m sitting in a booth at Panera people watching mostly.  I had visions of writing- a blog, a chapter, even an email, but I’m just not into it.  I’m tired! Discouraged! Weary!  Yet I’m not!

Do you ever have those days?  When you feel like you can’t do the next thing even though you are excited about it.  You even like what you are doing!

A college team of girls and their coaches came in for dinner. I didn’t ask if it was volley ball or basketball, but immediately the space around me was filled with conversation.

As I sat watching I reflected back on my own journey.

When you are young, you don’t think about life ending.  You are  young!  You expect to have all of life ahead of you! You live and dream and plan as if there is nothing stopping you.

When  you are in your 20’s, you get a job or marriage that keeps you focused.  The job wasn’t what you thought it would be- but hey, it’s a job.  You marriage isn’t the fairy tale you dreamed it would be, but hey you are in love. You still have the energy and the stamina to tackle anything in your way, so you keep on with determination.

You hit your 30’s and 40’s and suddenly thing gets harder.  You get the promotion you thought you wanted and the family you always dreamed of.  Now you have trouble remembering what your dream is because somewhere, someone else is telling you what to do.  Your boss, the needs of your kids, the bills that must be paid. You can’t imagine what it would look like to stop what you are doing- if you drop one ball the whole thing will be crashing in on you. So you keep going!

You turn 50! You either lost your passion for The job you had or you got laid off.  Now you are starting over again. The kids are going to or finishing college, you are prompted to remember the dreams you had when you were their age.  You long for that ability to face the future with such vibrancy and freedom.

i’m not sure about the next 60’s on up.  I’m not there…yet!

But what happens if at any point along the way- life would end unexpectedly.  What if you die? at 94, or 68, or 27, 15 or maybe 8? Continue reading Life’s Too Short!

Doin’ Somethin’ About Worry!

Yesterday I shared a Part 1 post called What? Me? Worry?  You can find it here.
This post is Part 2: the continuation of that post. 

My last post, WHAT? ME? WORRY?  focused on our need to acknowledge worry?  What are the concerns that are holding us back and why?  I identified some of my own issues with my current book project.  I also clarified which things I can do something about and which ones I need to let go of.

Coaching as I goBut It’s impossible to forget something, so I must ADDRESS the worry, by REPLACING IT.

I  have to replaced my worries.

In my case, I reconnected with my vision for the book.  Leisha started it. She handed it off to me.  I must finish it because she is not here.  Her story is the continuation of a legacy she left to me- and to those who will read it.

In my heart, I can’t NOT do it.  It is one way her life continues to influence others.

But, as a coach, I really appreciated that Mr Matthews provided some questions to replace worry; questions that point my worry to a new way of thinking, such as:

  • Who is the one person that might be influenced by this book?
  • What does success look like for this project? In a year? In a month? in 2 weeks?
  • What can I control?
  • Can I influence it?
  • Or do I need to let it go?

Taking those previous steps are all helpful, but have little results without Step 3:  Do something intentional.  I’m afraid that is where I get hung up all too often.  I’m great at pondering about something- but struggle to DO something about it.

So…I’m doing somethin’ about worry!

  1. I wrote to my LOVELY TRACES prayer team and asked for their support.
  2. I’m joined this Self-Publishing Summit and I’m learning from others who have been there.
  3. I’m blogging to you- to not only share what I’m doing, but what I’m learning in the process.
  4. I’m writing a little every day.  I may not be able to spend the day- but I can spend a few minutes developing a thought or researching a concept.

So…how about you? What are you worrying about?

  • Acknowledge your worry
  • Address and Replace the worry
  • Do something intentionally

As the call was ending, Chandler asked Mitch for one parting thought.  He said,

Take what is worrying you and acknowledge that could be the genesis of what you need to be coaching on. Very often the battles we face are the very lessons we teach on to reach the people were put on the planet to help.”

Well, I’ve had a battle!  I’m learning some lessons!  I’m sharing it with you, someone who may also be a worrier.

Do you need some help in your process?  Email me!  I’m a COACH!

I would love to help you intentionally design hope for your dreams!

Kathy
Green Hope Coaching with KATHY BURRUS

Also referenced Mitch Matthews from  www.MitchMatthews.com
and Chandler Bolt at http://selfpublishingsuccesssummit.com

What? Me? Worry?

If you are a regular follower of www.greenhopecoaching.com, you may have noticed that there was a great deal of time that lapsed between my blog on April 28th- and my post last week.

Considering the fact that I am a blogger, that space of time concerned me.  You see, it wasn’t just the blog, but I wasn’t writing original content for much of anything, including the book that I told everyone about in my April 28th post.

I must admit I was overwhelmed by the response to that post on my website and Facebook.

  • Nearly 13,000- yes, that many 0’s- were reached with that post thanks to several of you who shared the post to your own Facebook friends.
  • 1,200 of those friends visited my website and actually read the blog post.
  • Over 350 of them engaged with me some way; leaving a message, a prayer response, a memory, a picture.
  • plus there were almost 75 others who signed up to support me and the project with prayer.

I have been overflowing with gratitude.  While overwhelmed is not quite the right word, I do have a confession.  As the responses started coming in, I found myself writing less and less on the book.  Honestly, in the last 8 weeks, I have not written much at all.

What- Me-Worry-As I have pondered my action- or lack of it, I realize that I was worrying!

I just listened in to an interview with Mitch Matthews of Dream, Think, Do over at the Self-Publishing Summit going on with Chandler Bolt.

Mitch talked about how worry keeps us from focusing.  Worry strangles the ability to see ahead or to think through options.

I felt the weight of expectations that others might have on me – on this book- and I just stopped writing. I felt paralyzed almost.  The more I tried to get in the right frame of mind, the more stress I felt.  And if you know me- stress puts me down faster than anything.  I spent much of early spring sleeping.  Some of you know what I mean.

But Mitch gave a great outline of how to overcome worry.  I was grateful to realize that I had been taking some of those steps without naming them.  But I did want to share them.

3 Steps to PUNCHING Worry in the face

Step 1: Acknowledge it

Step 2: Address it by Replacing it

Step 3: Do Something Intentional

I had to ACKNOWLEDGE my worry finally.

  • What am I concerned about?
  • What if I’m not a good enough writer?
  • What if I can’t tell my deeply personal stories of my life in a way that helps anyone?
  • How will the book be received by others?
  • Can I really pull off the cost- both money, time, etc.

They are real, tangible things to be concerned about. But Mitch reminded us that most issues can be dealt with and overcome with a little training.  Or with knowing the right people to make it happen.

Yet, most people get so caught up in the fear, they don’t acknowledge the fear and overcome it.

There is good and bad worry!

Good worry- keeps you out of dark alleys!  It flips the light on so you can see what ‘s out there!

Maybe the thing that causes you to worry is something you need to give attention.  Sometimes worry is a precursor to identifying something that will help you do great.

For instance, look at my worries above

  • I can take classes and workshops to become a better writer.
  • I can work with close friends and coaches to help me tell my story in a way that is full of hope for others.
  • I can break down tasks of writing or research into smaller chunks of time.  If I do a little everyday, it won’t be so overwhelming and yet I can make a great deal of progress in the long run.

Bad worry hold you back like mine was doing for me. There are things that you can do nothing about .  That is the worry you must let go of.

So using the worry I have above about how others will receive the book, I have no control over that.  I know there is interest from the responses to the April 28 post I shared earlier.  But I can’t control how those same people my respond to the book.   So I need to let it go.

But  how….!

TO BE CONTINUED>>> Click Here! 

Part 2: Doin’ Something about Worry!

Happy Birthday Leisha!

the trioTwenty-four years ago, our daughter Leisha appeared in our world.  She messed up all of our plans that day.

Rennie was supposed to be leading a huge dedication service of the new worship center at our church in Pennsylvania.  She was being born just as they ended the service with a dedication of the new generation that would grow up in this place. Others had to fill in for Rennie!

She messed up lots of days since then too!  Just like every baby does when they grow up in our family.  Days become messy and nights interrupted. Plans get changed and that is expected!  You know, or at least you realize quickly when you bring a child into your life they will forever change you.  All three of ours have left a mark on us so significant that we know we are better, stronger, even holier as we have spent many more hours on our knees. You have too if you are a parent.  It is what we do when we come to the end of ourselves and want more for our child.

Leisha also messed up our lives the day she died. That was eight and a half years ago. Another mark on all of us that have forced us to look at all of life from a new, yet broken perspective.

It is out of that perspective that I write today and ask for your prayers.

Days after Leisha died, we gathered every picture we could find of her and discovered her tapes and journals. It was in her most recent journal that we found ‘her book’.  If you flipped it over and upside down and opened the cover she had begun to write her own story.

Chapter One

Once Upon A Time…

By Leisha D. Burrus

How many stories do you know that begin with ‘once upon a time”?  Well this is one of them, or so I thought.  I was born April twenty-eighth, nineteen ninety one.  But wait!  I am getting ahead of myself.  I guess I should start where it all began.

My parents met in high school. …  she begins to tell the love story of her dad & I.

leisha As I sat there reading it for the first time, I could imagine this book was to be full of adventure and relationships and truth. Such truth! Because even in the short chapter that was written, she had spoken much truth to my heart. But just as Leisha had penned these few words to begin writing her story, she died.  Not only was her story unwritten, but her life unlived.

However her words “I should start where it all began” was a telling of my story and of the journey of her mother and father and all that was her heritage because she was born into this family.

I knew the moment I read her words that it was meant for me to finish.  Her story started mine. It was as if she knew I would need a jump start.  Earlier that morning I had picked up my Bible to continue reading where I had left off the day before. I read these words from Revelation 1:

17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as if I were dead. But he laid his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the First and the Last. 18 I am the living one. I died, but look—I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave.

19 “Write down what you have seen—both the things that are now happening and the things that will happen.

I felt as if Leisha was writing these words to me.
“Mom! When I saw him, I fell at his feet…and He put His hand on me and said…! Now Mom you’ve got to write!  Write down what you have seen- what’s happening right now and all the things are that going to happen. You can do it Mom!”

So I am!

Yes, I’m writing to finish the story Leisha started; her story and mine. I don’t know how this story will impact yours, but it is my prayer that it will give you hope. Because my primary goal is to write about the many ways this Living One who died showed up in our story. Click To Tweet

That’s the real story- in my life and yours!

So this birthday, I am asking for your prayers as I do just that! Will you pray as I finish the story! I have set my heart to finish writing, and publishing it by Leisha’s 25th birthday on April 28, 2016.  I have much to process, record and learn before that time.  But it is a thing I must do next.

Would you be willing to be on the prayer team for Lovely Traces of Hope! That’s her name for her book! Whether or not it is the final title, I don’t know yet.  But it seems fitting.

If you will join me, please sign up here.




I will add you to the group and send out periodic emails with updates and requests.

Whether you sign up or not, will you pray right now that I see this to completion.  My heart needs it done.

Thank you from a fledging author!

Kathy

Happy Birthday Leisha!

Words of Life or Death

The gift of a woman’s story is often what God uses to speak hope into the stories of others. My friend, Dr. Michelle Bengtson has told such a story.  It is my honor to share it with you today!

Feet (1)

Dr. Michelle Bengtson

We’ve all heard the childhood rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break by bones, but names will never hurt me.” I knew from a very young age that that was a lie. Even as I said them on the playground in response to a peer’s cruel taunts, I knew it wasn’t true.

Words hurt.

Scripture tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21), but do we teach our children that? Or do we perpetuate ignorance by reciting simple rhymes?

Having worked in the field of psychology for over 20 years, it’s evident to me that children don’t realize the long-term significance of what they say.  They behave toward others in the very same way that’s been modeled to them.

As an adult who has been wounded by the words of others since early childhood, I probably err on the side of not saying enough—not wanting to draw any more attention to myself or risk further rejection.

Only three years old when I was stricken with an undiagnosable and life threatening illness, I was left to deal with the physical and emotional ramifications the rest of my life. Continue reading Words of Life or Death

What do you do …?

Recently a new friend asked the common question, “What do you do for a living?”

I hesitated for a moment. Thoughts flashed through my head of the past couple of weeks.  Of conversations I’ve had with clients and friends.  I know what my job description is, but is it what I actually do?

I became a life coach because I got to help people, particularly women, identify where they are and where they want to go!  One of my favorite things to do is to partner with someone to create an action plan for their dream.

However, recently I’ve been more of a Psalm 77 coach than a life coach.  Have you never heard of a Psalm 77 coach?  Yeah, me neither. I just made it up!

Here’s why I use the title Psalm 77.

When I start working with a client, I often ask just two questions.

1) What do you want to talk about today?
2) What do you want to have to feel successful in this session?
If a client can answers those questions at the beginning of the session, we can make incredible progress.

However, what I find most often is before a woman can accomplish what she wants to be true of her, she has to grieve what isn’t!

Coaching (1)It sounds something like this! Continue reading What do you do …?

Living Open Handed: Dear Grief

I was challenged by my story partner friend to take Kate Motaung’s challenge to write a letter to grief. Since it ties in with my recent series on Living Open Handed, I choose to share this here also.

 

Dear Grief,

I don’t think I want to talk to you!

I’ve spent so many years struggling to survive your choke hold on my life!

I’ve crawled through your tunnel

Filled with muck- dark and slimy

So deep that with each step I sunk farther

O

Until it began to paralyze my legs

Then my torso and my arms

Finally my face

Silencing my voice

Blind folding my sight

Dulling my ability to hear as you filled my ears with your lies.

I could barely find my next breath

OH

let alone move.

Continue reading Living Open Handed: Dear Grief

The Artist Manifesto: Will You Create?

Reposting with permission of the author, Jeff Goins.  As we close the year, do we dare to  use the voice that God has given us, to pursue the dream that was planted in us. Here’s to being the prophet or the poet – and influencing  the world!

Continue reading The Artist Manifesto: Will You Create?

Living Open Handed: Pivot to See God

Open handedThis is the 4th and final post in the series Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World. If you have missed the previous posts, it would be helpful to go back and read them in order to understand how we got to this post.  Links are provided below.

1. Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World
2
. Living Open Handed: I have a need!
3
. Living Open Handed: Express Honestly

Through these posts,

  • we have identified our fears that cause us to create fist
  • then opened the little finger to admit or acknowledge we have a need.
  • Next we lifted the ring finger and wrote a psalm including those fears and needs.

Now we are ready to open the middle finger which stands for P: PIVOT. Continue reading Living Open Handed: Pivot to See God

Living Open Handed: Express Honestly

This is the third in a series on LIVING OPEN HANDED.  If you missed them, it might be helpful to go back so you understand how we got to this post.
1. LIVING OPEN HANDED: Do Not Fear 

2. LIVING OPEN HANDED: I have a Need

Open handedRecognizing our fear and acknowledging we have a need leads us to
open up our ring finger for E: EXPRESS HONESTLY———-

Continue reading Living Open Handed: Express Honestly