All posts by Kathy

Kathy Burrus is a marriage coach who offers an authentic, caring environment to help you and your spouse find your next step toward hope- green, life-giving hope!.

Living OPEN Handed: I have a NEED

This is the second post in the Living Open Handed series.

Let’s consider what it takes to LIVE with OPEN HANDS, in a white knuckle world.
Open handedI ask you make a fist again- because generally that is what our hand looks like when we are afraid. Now, consider your knuckles as a tool to help you remember how to OPEN your hands.

But we are going to work backwards.

First, Open your little finger and recall the N stands for:
I HAVE NEED——

When we experience fear, we become aware that we are in need.  We don’t often admit it, but we usually NEED God to show up in a big way.  However, too often we don’t go to God first.  Instead we have to recognize that a fear appears most often because a NEED we have is being compromised.  maslov's hierarch of needs

If you consider Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs that I studied in my classes for coaching, maybe you can identify what need is trampled in some way.

But another way to come to terms with your needs is to read the Psalms. 

How many times as you read through the Psalms do you find a Psalmist that is voicing your hearts cry.

In regard to your fears (refer to your list you made yesterday), what are the needs that are not being met? Write them down next to the fear.  Be as descriptive as you can be.  It will help with the next step in tomorrow’s post. 

Missed the first post, click here! 

Want to read the next one- here it is!

Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World

How many of us will honestly admit that we experience fears and tonightinsecurities – as a mom?  at my job? at school?  at home?    Most if not all of us will confess that we are afraid!  It is a common emotion that strikes to the heart of us- sometimes paralyzing our next move, sometimes forcing us to move with caution, sometimes just what we need to know we are going the right way.

I recently read a book by Henry Nouwen.  He shared these words. ”
There is a story of an elderly woman that was being admitted into a psychiatric hospital.  She was wild, swinging at everything in sight.  The staff was so concerned by her behavior that they had to take everything away from her.  But she made a fist so tight and would not give up.  It took two people to pry open her clenched hand.  In it was one small coin.  It was her last possession.  Her fear made her believe  if they took it, she would have nothing more, she would be nothing more.

As I read, my immediate thought was, “I don’t want to be that woman.” Continue reading Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World

To Offer HOPE to a Hurting Friend this Christmas

I would like to introduce you to a new friend Sarah Knepper.  I have asked to share a recent post here today.  Sarah is a stay-at-home mama of four and an engineer’s Sarah Knepperwife. She is a lover of words, encourager of women, and redeemed by a grace-giving God. She holds a Master’s Degree in Elementary Education and is the Volunteer Coordinator for the women’s events at her church. And she firmly believes that Jesus and coffee can get you anything.

Continue reading To Offer HOPE to a Hurting Friend this Christmas

Let’s Do This! Sarah’s Story!

Today I made two visits that I knew I would make one year ago. One with Sarah’s mom and the other to Sarah’s husband.

I met Sarah when I was ‘the youth pastor’s wife’ and Sarah was one of the youth. She was quiet, but when she smiled, you felt like smiling with her.

SeveralSarah years later she became the ‘youth pastor’s wife’ and my husband was the lead. Her personality remained reserved, but her smile was now matched by an incredible passion for the Lord that oozed out of her and sweetly touched the lives of the young people of our church.

And me! Continue reading Let’s Do This! Sarah’s Story!

The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

I am reposting this excellent blog about the marriage dance from Linda Dillow,  friend and mentor in life, marriage and worship.  You can read more from Linda at www.authenticintimacy.com 

wedding couple sepiaby Linda Dillow

Continue reading The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

30 Day- How’d you do?

Well, my friends, I don’t think it is too fair of me to ask you that question and not be transparent with you about how I did.

So…here’s how my last 30 days went.

  • writing what I noticeMy original goal was to write 500 words every day.  I did accomplish 500 words for the first 20 days.  Then we left for Texas to see family and I scribbled things when I had a few minutes, but we were there to enjoy family.I actually thought that I would blog about each days noticing- but honestly, some of the things I noticed were more personal than I was ready to blog yet.  I know several of you have said that I often write quite personally.  That is true.  But I generally don’t share it with you till I’ve done some processing myself.  So…these things might show up in future posts.   I’m continuing my 500 Words a day goal in December.
  • If you have been following my blog, you will notice that I started writing about BROKENNESS. That is actually some of what I have been NOTICING in these 30 days. The Series is not complete- but in process.   My goal for December  is to complete this series.
  • My third goal was just a habit that was beginning to change 30 days ago. In many ways I felt like I have been becoming WHOLE!  Read through the past blogs to hear some of the story.   But a recent visit to have blood work done tells me my ‘autoimmune issues’ are affecting me again and my glucose is in the danger zone.  That was most disheartening because I had been working to control my diet, especially the sugars.For a few days, I felt like I was BROKEN again.  Then I realized this for the gift that it was.  I had asked God to heal me.  He was revealing to me what needed to be done.   So…the goal for the next 30 holi-days for my health has been made very clear.

So…How about you?  How’d you do in your 30 day challenge? 

30 Days wordsDid you accomplish you 30 day goals?
If so, pat yourself on the back!!!!  Congratulations!

If not, what were the obstacles that kept you from it?

What is your next step?

Listen gang!  We have just over 30 days left in 2015.  I know the temptation is to call it ‘HOLIDAYS” and chuck the lists for a while.

But what if INSTEAD we take a few minutes to identify what needs to be done yet in 2014?  What can we do that will not only give us a jump start on 2015, but will set up up for possibilities we only dreamed of in 2014?

I hope you will join us for the FINISH WELL CHALLENGE beginning Finish Welltoday.  By December 31st, what you want to have accomplished. Get more details here. 

If nothing else, let’s take a look back at 2014 and answer some of these questions.

  1. What are your celebrations for 2014?  Where did you ‘nail it’  or persevere till you completed the task?  What relationship was improved?  We spend little time acknowledging where we did it right!  I can hear you say, “well, it really was not that big of a deal”!  I encourage you to recognize if you set the goal for yourself and completed it, IT IS A BIG DEAL!
  2. What were your disappointments for 2014?   Where did you not succeed?  Where did a relationship fail?  Where did you give up but wish now you had kept going? I sometimes hear people say “you can’t cry over spilled milk?”  It’s true!  You can’t change the past.  But if we don’t take the time to say it for what it really is, and identify behaviors that may have caused it, we will not learn from our past.  We are destined to repeat them again and again.
  3. One of my favorites from Michael Hyatt is “What was missing?” That was a question I was missing.  Never thought to ask myself that. What is something that you want to be true of you that you did nothing in 2014 to make happen?  For instance, you want to have a relationship with your grandparents, but you didn’t make extra effort to see them on a regular basis.  Or you want to write a book, but you didn’t set schedule time to write. What’s missing?
  4. What lessons did you learn in 2014?  These could be in any area of life: spiritual, relational, professional, physical, etc.   Write down the reoccurring themes you noticed this year?  Write down in one word or brief sentence the messages you learned .  This step is so valuable as you look ahead to the new year.

I’ve set my goals for the next 30 days!  I hope you will join me in the journey.  If you need someone to help you determine what you really want to accomplish and hold you accountable to your dreams, that’s what I do!  I’m a coach! Email me at kathy@greenhopecoaching.

Here’s to finishing well!

30 Day Challenge Final PUSH

30 Day UpdateIf you started the 30 DAY CHALLENGE with me on October 27th, that means you have one week left to complete your goal.

How are you doing?  Have you stayed on track with your plan?

My month went great the first 2 weeks.  The fact that I set my goal and created a plan went a long way toward moving forward.

But this last week there were quite a few obstacles that I wasn’t expecting.  Health, weather,  life challenges…!

How about you?  Have you felt your momentum getting hung up in the ‘stuff’ that interferes?  

Well, today marks a PIVOT POINT! We must choose! Continue reading 30 Day Challenge Final PUSH

Broken…to Whole!: the ANTONYM of Broken

In my last post on Broken…Made whole 2, we considered in what ways are we broken and the many synonyms for the word.

So what did you learn?  What are the areas of life that need attention? Some things are blaring- we know what’s broken and we think it can’t be fixed.  I know, because I already confessed that I felt that in several aspects of life.  But often, we don’t notice something is broken until we intentionally stop to look at our life.

Where are we limping by?

What are we always working around because we can’t seem to work through?

SCULPTURE & ARTBut…today’s post is on the OPPOSITE of BROKEN, Continue reading Broken…to Whole!: the ANTONYM of Broken

Broken…to Whole: Let me count the ways!

Broken to whole
Have you ever considered how many ways you can be broken?  I hear of brokenness in people, myself included, and I marvel at all the ways we can break.

From the internet dictionary,
I found these definitions:
bro·ken
ˈbrōkən’

Adjective

  1. Having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order. Another dictionary said “violently separated into parts.  Such as “a broken arm”. I might add “a broken heart after a tragic loss”.
    SYNONYMS: smashed, shattered, fragmented, splintered, crushed, snapped
     
  2.  (of a relationship) ended, such as through infidelity. “a broken marriage”
    SYNONYMS: failed, ended
  3. disrupted or divided. “broken families”
  4.  (of an agreement or promise) not observed by one of the parties involved.  “broken promises”
    SYNONYMS:  flouted, violated, infringed, contravened, disregarded, ignored, unkept
     
  5. of a person) having given up all hope; despairing. “he went to his grave a broken man”
    SYNONYMSdefeated, beaten, subdued
     
  6. having breaks or gaps in continuity.   “a broken white line across the road”” or a night of broken sleep”
    SYNONYMS: interrupted, disturbed, fitful, disrupted, discontinuous, intermittent, unsettled, troubled
     
  7. (of speech or a language) spoken falteringly, as if overcome by emotion, or with many mistakes, as by a foreigner. “a young man talking in broken Italian”
    SYNONYMS: halting, hesitating, disjointed, faltering, imperfect
     
  8. having an uneven and rough surface. “broken ground”
    SYNONYMSuneven, rough, irregular, bumpy

_________________________________________

Webster gave some additional definitions of BROKEN

:  Violently Separated into parts.
:  damaged or altered by breaking
:  having undergone or been subjected to fracture

:  being irregular, interrupted, or full of obstacles
:  violated by transgression
:  discontinuous, interrupted
:
  disrupted by change

:  made weak or infirm
:  subdued completely
:  crushed, sorrowful
:
  bankrupt
:
  reduced in rank

:  cut off
:  disconnected
:
  imperfectly spoken or written
:  not complete or full
:  disunited by divorce, separation, or desertion

Here are some other Related Words (I left the links in so you could check the definitions)

blasteddetonatedexplodedcracked,sliveredsplinteredsplit;
collapsedimplodeddemolisheddestroyeddevastatedpulverized,
ruinateruinedwrecked;damageddefaceddisintegrated,
dynamitedmangled,mutilatederadicatedexterminatedextirpatedobliterated, wiped out; breakable,  brittle,  delicate,  fragile,  frail,  frangible

We could go on- and on- and on with the study of this word broken. But I think with this list alone, all of us at one time or another have experienced brokenness!  Which means in our lives, and in our world, on a daily basis we come across someone who is at some place of “broken” which directly or indirectly influences us.

It’s not always fun to stay in this topic of brokenness.  But it seems it is important to consider “Where am I broken?”

Consider these different areas of your life-

Spiritual,
Family,
Professional,
Personal,
Physical,
Financial,
Social
Global

Now ask these questions.

Where am I experiencing brokenness?

Where is the source of the brokenness?

How is that broken place impacting other areas of my life?

What is God asking me to break to move forward? i.e. bad habit, or poor relationship, or a tradition

Before we can move toward wholeness, we must be willing to admit we are broken and in need of help.  Maybe it’s your finances- you don’t know how you will pay the bills.  Or perhaps your family is falling apart- or your marriage.  Or maybe your health is suffering.

Are you willing to say, “Lord, I am broken!”

If not, what are you afraid of? What keeps you from it? Are you in denial, pretending this will all go away? Which it may, but if you don’t deal with it directly, you may carry the baggage of it with you into the future.

Are you thinking that God only wants you to think of good things- not focus on the negative?  (I’ve actually heard that recently.)

God want us to see Him and know him to be GOD-enough for our real world- as things really are!  He wants intimacy with us and that means being honest and real with each other.  He is with us- if we are willing to see Him.  But we with Him too.  We have to be honest about it within ourselves- and with God!

This is the first step! Then we can begin to take steps toward WHOLE! I’m looking forward to that. Aren’t you?

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Broken… to Whole

Just the day before I said to my client, “well, I’m broken, and I can’t be brokenfixed.  Somehow God will just have to use me broken.”

But  this day a woman I barely knew sat across the table in my leaders huddle. She spoke, hesitant of sharing such an intimate story with a group of strangers.  Her parents had both died in an accident when she was young.  Life had been hard.  But now, so many years later she heard God saying to her,  “I want to make you whole again.”

In my heart I whispered, “I’ll never be whole.  I’ll always live broken.”  Leisha’s death left me broken- heart is too ripped, too many pieces have been lost. Some Doctors say I can’t be healed.  I can’t be fixed.

But the rest of the day those words rumbled around in my brain. Continue reading Broken… to Whole