Category Archives: LOSS

Fresh start, LIFE, life lessons, Living Intentionally, LOSS

A Journey to Be!

September 16, 2016 Kathy 6 Comments

Below, I am REPOSTING a post from a year a go. I wrote this during my first ever writer’s conference- TRIBEWRITER’s in Franklin, TN last August 2015. I remember being scared, excited, sick to my stomach and sure this was my next right/write step.

Today as I prepare to attend my second Tribewriter conference, I read this post agin. I am in awe of all that has happened in a year.

A year ago, I spoke the words “I am a writer” for the first time. A year ago I declared that I would finish writing and publish a book.

Now it is done. It took a great deal more to complete this task than I ever dreamed, but I have a book to show to the Jeff Goins as I thank him for helping me own who I am and for introducing me to Christine Niles and others who inspired and challenged me through this process.

I don’t know what I will learn this year at TRIBEWRITERS, but I’m scared, excited, sick to my stomach and sure this is the next right/write step. Pray for me!

*******

As a child, did you ever wonder what you would be when you grew up?

I did often. It had everything to do with being a mom, and working with music and worship in the local church. And if I happened to be married to a pastor, that would be all the better. I never wanted to be anything else.

But today I sat in a room full of people and realized that is not who I am anymore. I still have the same gifts and abilities. I still love music and prefer to use it to lead others in worship. I still have a husband who thinks about ways to teach God’s word and loves to talk about church leadership.

The fact that I am not what I once was used to feel like failure, then just loss. But today I came to see in fresh ways that all that WAS is part of all that IS. All that I have learned is part of all that I now share.

From the memories of all that I am from to the discovery of the voice that has always been within me, I am still me.

Only more!

I’m more aware!

I’m more raw!

I’m more real!

And that is good.

Today I came closer to identifying and becoming content with who I am!

I am an entrepreneur. I own a business.

I am a coach and a speaker.

I am part of a tribe and I am a leader of tribes.

I am also a writer!

It is out of who I am now that I will write. It might suit you and it might not. I might speak to the core of your issues and I might not. I might write out of the suffering more than the healing and I might not.

But I will write because I must. I will continue to explore who I am coming to be because I will not go back. I will continue to share the truths that I am being taught.

From the memories of all that I am from to the discovery of the voice that has always been within me, I am still me. Click To Tweet

I will not count the past as lost, or wasted. I will see it for the training ground it has been. I will not fear the present or the future because I have known the hand of God in bringing me to this point. I will trust it as I continue on.

Today I have seen more of me.

And it’s ok!

So are you!

Who are you today? What do you need to embrace in this day?

Join me in the journey to be, won’t you?

grief, healing, Hope, influence, Jerry Sittser, LIFE, life lessons, LOSS, Lovely Traces, make a difference

Thank you Professor Sittser

August 5, 2016 Kathy Leave a comment

This past week, I have been working intently to finish up details for publishing the Lovely Traces of Hope book. I had one of those moments as I sat late into the night reading/ editing/ proofing yet again through my own story.

For the umpteenth time, I was reading through Chapter 14, Turning East, which I have sent to many of you already. (Click here if you haven’t read it yet.) In that chapter, I share excerpts of Jerry Sittser’s book called A Grace Disguised. Jerry literally led me through much of my grief through the sharing of his own story.

Several months ago as I was reworking that chapter for the book, I sent Jerry a letter to thank him for being bold enough to share his story because of the influence it has had in mine.

Here was his reply…

Continue reading Thank you Professor Sittser →

#lovelytracesofhope, grief, healing, Hope, influence, LIFE, Lovely Traces, make a difference

A Book to Proof

July 15, 2016 Kathy Leave a comment

I was sittting at the Arby’s across from the mall in the area that is all window. People watching at its best. The sky was clear with the exception of a few, very small, very white clouds slowly drifting by. What a beautiful day!

Every thing about this moment was life-giving. Even the woman Continue reading A Book to Proof →

fear, make a difference, Questions?, Relationship Issues, stuck, worry

Defining STUCK

July 14, 2016 Kathy Leave a comment

This morning I looked up the definition of STUCK.

It is an adjective, a word that describes.

The Cambridge dictionary defines STUCK as :
unable to move from a particular position or place,
or unable to change a situation:

Examples of this are:
This door seems to be stuck.

I hate being stuck at a desk all day.

Ty got stuck with doing the laundry.

Hmm?

As I look back over the words we used to describe STUCK in the last post, (you can read it here), I think that definition works. We do tend to feel like we are unable to move from a particular position or place when we are consumed with fear, worry, anger, and perfectionism. Or when we are confused and lack purpose or direction.

Many times we feel, and sometimes, are unable to change a situation when we deal with rejection, or financial fears, or relationship issues.

Even in the wake of the current events in our world we feel STUCK; uncertain of what to do that will make any difference at all in the chaos.

Add to that the myriad of messages that are part of our stuck place:

I’m not good enough.
You never finish anything
Who do you think you are?
I can’t do it as well as _(fill in the name)__so why bother!
Who would listen to me anyway?

Whew! We can get pretty deep in STUCK without even trying.

The problem is that when we get stuck and don’t know what to do, we often do nothing.

We are afraid that if we try to talk with our friend who rejected us, it will only make the situation worse, so we do nothing.

The financial situation we are in is so big and we can’t see what else we can do, so we keep doing the same stuff that got us here in the first place, or we do nothing at all.

We know we are not as good at something our competitors does so we throw up our hands and do nothing.

Fear is paralyzing!

Worry is exhausting!

Even boredom is draining!

The outcome of STUCK can be more STUCK!

STUCK can be the motivation we need to spur us on to make a change.

So what kind of STUCK are you?

STUCK STUCK?

or STUCK MOTIVATED for CHANGE?

Leave a comment below- not for us, but for you to be honest with yourself about where you are. That’s where we have to start.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

P.S. How do I know so much about STUCK? Well, let me tell you how… in the next post. See you then.

P.S.S. Don’t forget to declare:

STUCK STUCK?

or STUCK MOTIVATED FOR CHANGE

Broken, fear, Green Hope Coaching, make a difference, Questions?, Relationship Issues, stuck, worry

Coaching on Stuck

July 11, 2016 Kathy Leave a comment

I had a delightful Saturday morning with an inspiring group of women at the Grace Church, Perrysburg, OH for their REFRESH & RENEW Conference recently. Wanted to share with you some of what we talked about at that event.

We spent our time together refreshing our viewpoints about ourselves, our story and our view of God. We renewed our vision about the kind of difference we wanted to make in our lifetime. But we started with some honest talk about the ‘real’ of life.

As a life coach and former pastor’s wife, I’ve talked with a lot of women over the years. There have been two reoccurring themes that continue to come out in those conversations.

I want to make a difference with my life.
I’m stuck.

Does that sound familiar to your story? You want to make a difference. You want to influence your world for good through your life in your lifetime.

But you are stuck! Or you have been! If you aren’t stuck, or haven’t been, you will be so we might as well talk about it. You know what stuck feels like. Stuck has kept you from making the difference you long to make. So before we talk about the kind of difference we want to make let’s talk about the obstacles to it. Continue reading Coaching on Stuck →

grief, influence, life stories, Linda Dillow, Living Intentionally, Lovely Traces, make a difference, Mentor, Offering Hope, Passion Pursuit, worship

Grateful for this Woman of Influence

May 16, 2016 Kathy 1 Comment

This past weekend I received an email from this special lady pictured with me in the photo. Her name is Linda Dillow. The email is the forward she has written for the book, Lovely Traces of Hope.

Linda has been my mentor in life, marriage, and worship most of my adult life, though we have only met a dozen times or so. I received her first book as a wedding present in 1979. I have read all of her books since. (I’ll list my favorites at the end of this post.)

It has seemed that just when I needed to take a next step, she was putting out the next book. When I was invited to lead a worship team to Ukraine, she was the speaker at that same conference. No, we didn’t plan it. When Rennie and I were on sabbatical, she invited us to stay in their home for 10 days while they were away.

For whatever reason God chose to place her in my life over and over again, I am eternally grateful. She led me in a journey of contentment, worship, marriage, sex even. She encouraged me to find contentment in my life and see my words, attitudes, work, and my waiting -even my pain – as an act of worship. She led me in worship, not in songs of worship, but in worship of two hearts bowed at the sofa, remembering who God is, recalling what he has done and praising him from the core of our beings. She invited me to see that my marriage was a reflection to my world of God’s love for us. She challenged me to want more for my relationship with Ren.

Linda is one of my heroes! No, this is not hero worship. This is gratitude. I trust her. I know she is a woman who pursues God and points others to him, because I have seen her do it. Not to one or two women, but to thousands, perhaps more. Not for a short time, but for her lifetime. I know. I’ve been watching her for 37 years now. Linda is the real deal. She is a woman of influence!

That is why I am humbled and grateful that she has written this forward for the book. I could make you wait to read it in the book, but I just had to share it. Take a peek. Here’s what a woman you can trust has to say.

FORWARD for Lovely Traces of Hope.

What does a mom do when her beautiful, vibrant fifteen year old daughter is suddenly, harshly, instantly gone? Grieve? Of course. Go on a long journey of seeking God and healing? Yes. Kathy did these things but also did something very unusual.

After Leisha died, she opened her daughter’s journal and found Leisha’s “book.” If she flipped Leisha’s journal over and upside down and opened the cover, Kathy found her daughter had started to write her own story. She even included the title page.

Lovely Traces

So Kathy began writing to finish Leisha’s story.

The Burrus family: mom, dad and three girls came to have a vacation in our basement in Colorado Springs in 2002. It was a special time to get to know Kathy, Rennie and their three lovely daughters, Caitlin, Brielle and Leisha. A few short years later, Leisha was singing in heaven and Kathy was finishing her story. As I read Lovely Traces of Hope, I smiled, I cried and I wrote these words to Kathy about the book she and Leisha had written.

Thank you for walking through the dark tunnel to His Light

Thank you for writing so honestly and vulnerably for me and others about grief and pain and how to walk….believing that there is HIS Light somewhere ahead

Thank you for “taking your clothes off” and being real

Thank you for revealing the beauty of walking the Christ walk

Why do I think you should read this book? Let me use Leisha’s name to tell you.

L egacy

Both Leisha and Kathy have much to share about building your legacy. Kathy says, “When we intentionally NOTICE what really is happening, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on what we are learning from it. More importantly we see what God has been doing. We NOTICE His fingerprints, HIS HAND on our everyday, ordinary lives.” That is especially true when we reckon with the painful areas that may leave us paralyzed in some way. Many times just “noticing” allows us to reframe the events and their effects on our future.

E ncouragement

As a mom, Kathy gave me hope, showed me how to face problems with teens, how to reach inside myself and be willing to look honestly at “me.” We all face loss. Loss is not the defining moment of our lives, it is how we respond to loss that matters. Kathy helped me see in a new way that healing is a progression.

I nfluence

Not many fifteen year olds think about being an influence—they are too busy thinking about boys, clothes or the Friday night party. Leisha wanted to be MAD (Make a Difference)! At her tender age, she thought about being an influence and leaving a legacy. Teens need to read this book!

S incere

Kathy is honest. Listen to her sincere words. I hesitate to write these next pages. Offering them here is a risk. What will you think of me if I tell of the places in our lives we didn’t have it all together? What if I take off the mask enough for you to see me as I really am?

H oly

Leisha and Kathy’s book points you to the Lord God Almighty. In pain. In grief. When life is a dark tunnel, Kathy discovered that God is still Light. She says, I had to learn to NOTICE God showing up differently.

A dvance

This book is an advance. It takes you forward in your thinking, in your faith, in your personal journey toward the legacy you are creating. Books have been written on grief. Kathy achingly walks you through how she processed her grief. Books have been written on how to help your teen and whole family walk through trials, Kathy shows you how her family did it.

Leisha and Kathy’s combined story is for every mom, every teen….really for everyone. I highly recommend Lovely Traces of Hope to you. I promise you it will lead you to hope as it did me!

LINDA DILLOW
Author
Calm My Anxious Heart
Satisfy My Thirsty Soul
What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?

Co-Author
Intimate Issues
Passion Pursuit
Surprised by the Healer

Want to get updates or join the launch team for Lovely Traces of Hope? click here!

dream, Fresh start, grief, Hope, influence, LIFE, life lessons, Lovely Traces, make a difference, Mentor, Offering Hope, Pat Emery Hixon, Pay Attention, Questions?, wrestling

Friend of Influence

January 25, 2016 Kathy Leave a comment

Yesterday I shared a post called THAT’s INFLUENCE.

Today I want to share with you a friend of influence. Her name is Pat.

Pat is has been a long time friend, though recent years have brought us together more purposefully. She has been my coach as I launched into business. I was her matron of honor a couple of years ago at her wedding. She has listened to me through so many transitions of life – and I to her.

Our favorite thing to do is grab a table at Touches of the Heart in Glandorf for lunch and stay till they close. Julie, the Touches host, knows when she sees us to put on another pot of coffee. We will be there a while. Pat and I are never at a loss of words to fill an afternoon.

I have spent that last few weeks struggling with finding energy to do life- but more significantly returning to the grief tunnel as I processed some of the chapters for the manuscript I am writing. The more I tried to get deeper into my story, the less strength I had to do it. I had spent 10 weeks grappling with the emotions and wondering if I could actually write them down.

I felt so alone. No one can do that except me!

Then Pat called- she connects with me in one way or another nearly every week. This time she called. We talked about my health, rejoiced over our families, shared what we are learning about ourselves, about God. Like I said, we rarely run out of words.

Then she asked about the book. I told her I haven’t written much for 10 weeks. We talked about how my health and lack of energy seemed directly connected to the book. She said, “Kathy, do I just need to come and sit with you while you write?”

Ah! There it is! So many days I had wished for someone to be with me in this journey. I had not said anything because I know that I am the only one who can write my story.

But Pat saw me!

She invited herself into my pain.

She asks the questions others are afraid to ask.

She listens to my ramblings as I come to find my own answers.

No, I don’t need her to come write with me. But I did need to know someone saw what I needed and was willing to be an answer to my need.

That’s influence.

Pat, I am filled with gratitude for the influence you have had on my life. And just so you know, I’ve completed 5 chapters and rethinking 3 more. Thanks for spurring me to finish what my heart must do!

Love you friend!

Fresh start, Goals, Green Hope Coaching, Offering Hope, Pay Attention, Questions?, unique design

FIVE Things I Know Now

January 12, 2016 Kathy Leave a comment

Yesterday we celebrated the 5th anniversary of GHC. I admitted that I’m not where I wanted to be in business and in life. But during this journey I have learned a great deal. Some things are brand new to me, others are things I am learning again for the first time.

FIVE things I know with more certainty:

Continue reading FIVE Things I Know Now →

Fresh start, grief, healing, Hope, influence, LIFE, make a difference, Pay Attention, unique design

Lessons from #tribeconf

September 6, 2015 Kathy 2 Comments

Before this weekend, I would have told you:

I never wanted to be a writer
I started writing about 6 months ago.
I am still struggling to find my voice.
I accepted the title of writer about 8 weeks ago.

But after the weekend at the first ever TRIBEWRITER’s Conference, (hence #tribeconf) I came to own I have been on this journey of writing most of my life.

Jeff Goins, founder and host of the TribeWriter Conference, (Superman in another life) spoke directly to me (though he doesn’t know it) on the very first session.

He challenged us to:

Let go: of expectations, of fear, of shame (feeling that we Should Have Always Mastered Everything). Here we go again. First thing he says and I’m already having to open my hands to what God might be wanting to do here.
Embrace the mess: How did he know I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat, wondering if I was going to show up and be shown up for the mess that I was? He asked us to partner with the community regarding the issues we have. I did! I found great encouragement and accountability in the process.
Become a more true version of yourself:

Be you! Not someone else, even if you admire them.
Believe in yourself. Action follows belief.
Try something new this weekend. That was easy! Everything had some newness to it.

While the weekend was full of excellent speakers with very practical resources and action steps for us, I probably could have left after the first speaker and felt like I got what I needed.

I have struggled ever since Leisha died feeling like I need to write to finish her book, but have been in a battle to rediscover who I am really not just as a writer, but as a woman. All I thought about myself had been put into question when my daughter died. I blogged a bit about this during the weekend. You can catch it here.

But Ally Vesterfelt, of Author Launch really spoke to this as she shared her father’s story as he was near death. As a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, he had worked with all kinds of people. But his first article as he fought to live was “Dying is easy, Life is hard to do!” Yes it is! I can attest to that! I never considered that Leisha had the easy road in dying. The rest of us had to fight to live.

Ally was just getting started with her challenge to me. Her next thoughts made me know I was going the right direction.

We find our voices when we are most likely losing them.
One of the most painful things is to lose the sound of your own voice.
FIGHT for the truth, the rawness, and the realness of your own voice.
Finding your voice starts with finding yourself.

Wow! For her to speak directly to the battle I mentioned earlier means she is familiar with the pain of it. I have been there for the last 9 years. Finding my voice by finding myself. I can identify that it must be truth, it will be raw, and it must feel real or it feels disingenuous to the process of healing.

“More than likely you will find your voice on a path you least wanted to go down. Sometimes the sufferings, not the healings, are the source of greatest transformation of our life.”

She was right! I knew she was!

I was being changed through the sufferings. I didn’t want to suffer. I tried to avoid the suffering, but I knew it when I embraced the ache and walked into the darkness that the greatest transformation occurred.

As I work to finish Leisha’s book, I reconnect with many layers of grief in order to share what I have learned from the last 9 years. That has been part of the mess I have felt recently. But I wouldn’t change the process. I am much more aware of who I am and what I was meant to say!

I understand that I must find my own voice before I can truly help someone else find theirs. While I hope that the book will be used to change one person’s life in an effort to change the world, I know that writing this book has and is changing me.

The story I’m getting ready to present to the world in a few months has been in process for most of my life.

I’m a writer! I have been a writer! I need to write if just to change me!

How’s your story coming?

P.S. Thanks Jeff Goins! For letting go, embracing the mess and becoming a more true version of yourself. You have modeled for me and given me courage to do that same.

Thank you Ally Vesterfelt! For sharing out of the raw, real, truth of your own story. I am one who is changed because of it.

Just because I didn’t write life lessons from all the other speakers doesn’t mean I couldn’t have. I am still just processing the first one. Thanks to all of you for your time, availability and genuine support.

I’m already signed up for TribeWriter 2016. Join me?

fear, grief, healing, Hope, Leisha's Hope, LIFE, life lessons, life stories, Living Intentionally, LOSS, Offering Hope, Pay Attention, Uncategorized, wrestling

Hope in the Midst of the Storm

August 15, 2015 Kathy Leave a comment

Rennie Burrus was asked to share his Leisha story through loss to hope at Cable Road Alliance Church on Sunday, August 2. Ren asked me to share a bit of mine as well. You can listen in at the link.

Hope in the Midst of the Storm –

Podcast by Rennie and Kathy Burrus

Cable Road Alliance Church’s Podcast

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