Category Archives: Marriage Vision

Tell us About Green Hope Coaching…

I recently had an interview regarding my business and the events for married couples called “CELEBRATE the DANCE”.  Thought I’d share it with you so you can understand why this invitation is so important.

Tell us about KATHY BURRUS, GREEN HOPE COACHING:

Kathy: I am a life and marriage coach that works primarily with women in some transition of life.  In the change that occurs with  their next step, I most often hear from them “I want to do something that matters.  I want to make a difference in my world.”  I help them identify what their core values are and what ‘difference’ is most important to them.  Then we determine how to go about it.

Often in that process is the influence/ or roadblocks they have in their marriage.  These women who want to make a difference usually desire to have a stronger marriage- even if their marriage is good.  It is my heart’s cry to see couples thriving together- not settling or complacent with things as is too often the case.

Green Hope Coaching exists to create safe and stimulating environments that allow women and their husbands to intentionally design hope for their life and their marriage.

WHY this is so important to you, Kathy? 

Kathy: That comes out of my own story.  Rennie & I have been married 35 years.  We KNOW the challenge couples face as we navigate the  choices and decisions within a marriage.  We’ve had times in our lives that we think we are going the same place, have the same vision.  Suddenly we end up in two different places and wonder how that happened. What we forget is that our expectation, preferences and assumptions often cause us to ‘think’ we’ve communicated clearly about where we are headed, but miss the mark by, what could be tiny differences of thought. 

Along with that are some seasons of life where one partner or the other is really struggling. For instance, after our daughter died, everything seemed too hard.  I wanted to care for my husband and family, but sometimes grief is paralyzing.  It was in that moment that Rennie stepped up in a new way for me.  He reached out for me and held on to me when I couldn’t hold on to him.  I hate to think where we might be if he had not. 

WHAT are some ways you speak to women/ couples and the issues they face?

Continue reading Tell us About Green Hope Coaching…

Who is carrying your team?

How many times in your marriage relationship have you asked a question that begins with “What if?”

She asks “What if I go to all this effort & he doesn’t notice?”

He asks, “What if I try & she rejects me and says it’s not good enough?”

So many things we decide not to do because of ‘What if?”

But what if we both get serious about this relationship and be willing to do the next hard thing.  We want so much for love to be easy, but it’s not.  It is hard to humble ourselves and give

Out of love

true love

God given love

That we committed to at some point in our life.

Too often somewhere along the line, one or both of us started living complacent.  We became willing to get by

Not addressing the issues

Letting things ride

But under the surface we are starting to feel something

A disappointment

Or an aggravation

Or an anger

That begins to boil

And creates an internal distance

Which eventually becomes a visible distance!

Then it becomes much more difficult to work through than if we faced it right away.

I know- I KNOW- it’s hard!
Ren & I have been married 35 years- WE KNOW!

But Continue reading Who is carrying your team?

I do love you! I think?

You look over at this person next to you!

You still see his handsome features, the ones that attracted you to him when you first met. You see the lines that are forming on his face, just as they are on yours.  You know that look when one eye brow seems to clamp tighter around his eye, while the other one remains the same- as if one part of him was uptight and the other part relaxed.

You look at her, years of motherhood and caring for a family and her world have changed her.  But peering from behind all that are the eyes of the beautiful, young girl that won your heart so long ago.  She still reaches up and plays with that small tuft of hair right by her ear as she is deep in thought or developing some creative vision.

You love him!  You love her! Really love from a place so deep you never knew it existed.

But today….Argh! Continue reading I do love you! I think?

Before the Resolution!

What keeps us from Keeping our New Year’s Resolutions? 

  1. We make resolutions or goals that are NOT true to ourselves.

Often goals are task oriented- which is great for the task oriented person who loves to check off a list of things done, who does a task for the sake of the task needing to be done.

But that doesn’t work for the person who is relational at the core- like me.  I don’t do things just because they need to be done.  I do them because it affects a relationship I care about.

Simple example, a task oriented person does the dishes because they need to be done.

A relational person does them because their spouse or their family benefit from having them done.

 So lets use ‘health’  as one of our resolutions for 2015, because chances are it is on everyone’s list to some degree.   The task oriented person will likely choose that goal because they see that this needs to be done to do life well.  The relational person will choose this goal because they want to be in the lives of the people in their world.

 Now I know that is over simplifying  because many of us have a bit of task and relationship in our personality.  But understanding this about yourself can be very freeing.   You begin to realize you are not right- or wrong- just different.

 A question you can ask is  Continue reading Before the Resolution!

The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

I am reposting this excellent blog about the marriage dance from Linda Dillow,  friend and mentor in life, marriage and worship.  You can read more from Linda at www.authenticintimacy.com 

wedding couple sepiaby Linda Dillow

Continue reading The best Marriage Advice in Three Words

FAQ: I’m too OLD! NAKED TRUTH isn’t for me, right?

FAQ: The Naked Truth
I’ve got questions

Really?  That’s the reason you are giving?

You are too old?

Now if you said,
“It’s too hard!
I don’t want to try!” or “I’ve given up!”
– I would understand those answers. I  have been there and done that. There are times when that is the most honest answer we can give.  I would be sad for you and try to encourage you!

But no matter what your age, as long as you have breath, God wants to have an intimate relationship with you, and He wants for you Continue reading FAQ: I’m too OLD! NAKED TRUTH isn’t for me, right?

Listening for Like Voices!

A few days ago, a business woman asked me if I thought I was doing the right thing by focusing so much of my coaching business/ministry these days on someone else’s ministry.  She was referring to all the  Facebook sharing and blog posts I have written that have to do with Authentic Intimacy.  Her concern was that I was building their business and not my own.

At the time, I told her that this was something I have wanted to be part of for a long time and it was worth it for me.  But as I’ve thought about it- it is much more than that.Becoming the woman, wife & mother you long to be

You see, 35 years ago, I was given a book called Creative Counterpart written by Linda Dillow.  It was a book I went back to time and again early in my marriage and have reviewed often since.

Through the years I’ve had several opportunities to not only hear her speak – but spend time with Linda.  I’ve listened as she lived out in her spoken words what she had written in several books by now, including ‘Calm My Anxious Heart” or Intimate Issues, Intimacy Ignited or more recently What’s it Like to Be Married to Me, and Passion Pursuit. (See titles below)

Ministry in Ukraine
Kathy with Linda Dillow 2002 – Ukraine Retreat

In 2002, I was invited to lead a worship team for a women’s ministry retreat in Kiev, Ukraine.  I was thrilled when I learned the speaker was none other than Linda Dillow.

Her topic was worship- it was the beginning of her book called “Satisfy My Thirsty Soul”.  I was the so-called worship leader- but she was the one who led me in into the Presence of the Blessed Controller.

Just the two of us kneeling at her couch.
Just the two of us sitting on her big rock near her home in the foothills of Colorado.
Then with my team in Ukraine! 

Precious, intimate moments with our God!

For me, this opportunity to bring Linda Dillow and Juli Slattery to the Lima area for the NAKED TRUTH conference is an answer to a 20 year long prayer.  I told Linda then that someday, I would build a platform for her to speak her voice, God’s message to the people in my world.

It’s not just her books,
or the times she has emailed me
or the times she has cried with me,
prayed with me
worshiped with me
always showing up in my life just when I needed her message.

But that is just the point- for 35 years, she has shown up in my life  through her books,
her speaking,
her friendship
with a consistent message.
A message that pointed me time and time again to see the Lord; lifting my chin to see His face.

That’s a message I want to be part of!
It’s an act I want to be known for!
It’s a voice I want to not only have- but build a platform for when I hear others speaking that same message.

This isn’t about my ‘business’ – or even Linda’s ministry.

It’s about what God is saying and doing in the heart of women all over the world.

Those are the voices I love listening for!

How about you?

I challenge you to listen and heed the message that Linda & Juli have to give all of us in October. Click here to find out more!

In the mean time- you can find all of her books here! (and no- I’m not making money on these referrals) I believe in them that much!

Linda Dillow

Linda Dillow Linda Dillow & Lorrain PintusLinda Dillow Linda & Jody Dillow, Lorraine & Petter PintusLinda DillowLinda Dillow & Juli Slattery

Come Pray with Me!

I woke up this morning LONGING!

for rest, for calm, for peace,

for space that inspires me to breathe new life

for extended time in His presence

in worship

in quiet

in desperation

in petition

in submission

in awakening

in owning

in sacrifice

in power!

Maybe you feel that way too!

Deep Woods- a journey with God 5 12 Well, Saturday morning, July 12th,  I’m going to the WOODS- Deep Woods. It’s a spiritual retreat center in the 25 acre woods behind Crossroads Church.

I would love for you to join me!

I’m not really looking for a ‘social’ visit- but I’m looking for prayer partners to join me in prayer:

  • for the hearts of women as we prepare for the NAKED TRUTH conference in October.  We can spend our time individually or together.
  • for our marriages and the health of marriages in our world.
  • for our intimacy with our Lord and the depth of our relationship with Him.

Will you meet me there? I invite you to wear shoes you don’t mind getting dirty and bring your bug spray.  There is a mile long hiking trail that ends where it begins.  And there are cabins with comfortable seating and even beds if you need to find rest physically.

I probably won’t get there much before 9:00am.  But you are welcome to come earlier to walk the trails or use the prayer stations along the way. I’m planning on staying till noon.

If you let me know your coming ahead of time, I can be sure I’ve reserved enough cabins if we need them because of the weather. But if you forget to let me know- just come! Your presence is welcome.

God is at work!  I see it! I feel it every day!  I want to be sure I’m listening well, seeking him daily so that I can be in right partnership with him.

Join me in the DEEP WOODS- any time between 9:00am -12:00 noon -rain or shine.  Behind Crossroads Church 775 S Thayer Road, Lima, Oh 45806.

If you can’t come- but still want to join me in prayer- or if you have questions?  email kathy@greenhopecoaching.com or text/call me at 419-306-8311.

I’ll meet you at the cross!

Progress- Not Perfection

I love them! Those AHA moments!  Today I woke to an AHA!

Last fall, as I was regrouping after the weddings of our two beautiful girls, and as I was helping to prepare for the wedding of my dear friend,  I did some goal setting for 2014.  (I’m not good at new years resolutions so this works better.)

I usually start by writing down a long list of things I might like to do- then I sort those into NOW list and a BUCKET list.
Then I prioritize the NOW list and then choose the 3 priorities that I believe will have the greatest influence.

For 2014, my top 3 were:

  • My marriage- thriving in being two again
  • My business- completing the Business Plan Competition in March and bringing Linda Dillow & Dr Juli Slattery, of Authentic Intimacy to Northwest Ohio and the surrounding areas.
  • My health- finding strength and wellness to increase stamina and enjoyment in life.

This morning, Coach, Author, Speaker and my virtual friend (we’ve never met face to face) Carrie Wilkerson, challenged me to consider whether I was making progress toward my goals- or waiting for perfection.

Often I have- and do – wait until I have all the pieces in the right place, know exactly how I will present it or what needs to happen for it to make the biggest impact.  In other words, my project sits on my to do list until I get tired of seeing it and either do something or just eliminate it.

progressBut as I listened to Carrie this morning AHA!  I AM MAKING PROGRESS!

Ren and I aren’t where we want to be – but we are having a great time getting there!  It’s thrilling to begin dreaming dreams together again and finding new ways to love each other.  I wouldn’t trade this time for anything.

I’ve completed the Business Plan- got 2nd in the competition.  What’s more- it’s a business plan I refer back to often.  It’s working for Kathy Burrus, Green Hope Coaching.

I’m especially excited that Linda & Juli and their team will be in Lima on October 3 & 4!   The Lima team is growing,- connecting
women to the message God is giving through Authentic Intimacy!  Twenty years ago I put this on my DREAM list- to bring Linda Dillow to my world.  Now is the time!  Now there is progress!

As for my health, thanks to the research and persistent efforts of a faithful friend and chiropractor, Dr John Needler, I’m finding renewed strength.  I’m up much more than I am down- and I’m doing things I haven’t done in a long time.  Will I ever be ‘healed’ completely?  That remains to be seen.  But I feel LIFE in a way I only DREAMED about for the last 12 years.

PROGRESS- forward or onward movement toward a destination!

It’s not perfect!  Sometimes it’s even messy!  But I’m on my way!

How about you?

Did you set New Year’s Resolutions?  Have they gone by the way as so many do? Do you realize that if you start NOW- you may be able to make some significant PROGRESS or even complete them by New Years 2014!

What are you waiting for?  Let’s make PROGRESS together!

Dancing for the long haul!

R&K2  June 9 79

Thirty-five years ago, Ren and I started this dance.  We dated 5 years before that, but on June 9, 1979 we said “I do” to things we only thought we understood. We’ve spent everyday since then figuring out the steps.

We danced our way through Bible College & Seminary, trying to find a rhythm between jobs, classes, music recitals, and the studying that had to happen in between.

We excitedly danced through the birth of our first daughter Caitlin and a move to Pennsylvania where Ren had his first job as a pastor.

Then with joy we upped the tempo of the dance as Brielle & Leisha were born and then we made a move to Ohio.  The sign at the Ohio state line as we drove in said “The Heart of It All”.  In many ways it has been!

Over the years since then, Ren & I have learned:
the slow dance, square dance, line dance,
the jig, the bunny hop, the boogie woogie, the cha cha, the chicken
and even some break dancing.

Oh, you wouldn’t know it to see us on the dance floor, because they were not the actually dance moves.  Just ways we learned to deal with life and live together. Not bad for a preacher’s daughter that ‘didn’t dance’.

Rennie & Kathy dancingLast year, we danced again, this time at the wedding of both of our daughters.  What an amazing time to see them begin their own dances with terrific dance partners.  As we pondered the places and emotions of our dance, we imagined so much of what is ahead for them- the good, the really good, the not-so-much! Even the dances that might try to ‘break’ them.

There were times when one or the other of us wondered if our marriage could survive. Even if you have committed to stay married, sometimes the thought crosses your mind that it would be easier to not be married.  But I’m grateful to say when that happened, the other partner was willing to do what needed to be done to fight for it.

But what would have happened if we had not prepared ourselves for the tough times; if we had not built our vision for our relationship so we knew how we wanted to respond when we felt like throwing in the towel.

We’re going to see what we can learn on the dance floor at CELEBRATE THE DANCE, next Sunday, June 8th
at 3:00pm at Tanya’s School of Dance, Lima.

Some of what we are going to talk about is:

Why did you get married?

Why do you stay married?

What does a vision for your marriage look like?

How do you even do that with all the variable life throws at you?

What does looking ahead do for us if we are struggling in our dance?

These are some of the questions we will be discussing at CELEBRATE THE DANCE! Join us won’t you?  (Click here for more details.)

We’re celebrating 35 years!  We would love for you to join us. Bring your sweetheart and invest in the relationship of a lifetime!

Your great marriage starts with you!

Kathy & Rennie