Tag Archives: intentional

Why do I do that?

Maybe I’m the only one (though I doubt it) that rubs shoulders with a mom, or leader or life coach that seems to really have it all together. Then I spend the next 48 hours comparing all the things I don’t like about myself to all the stuff that is great about her.

WHY DO I DO THAT?comparing you

 

 

I had that experience last week.  Knocked me right off my feet for a while-actually it messed up my comfort zone.  Suddenly I was discontent with everything about me- my business, my energy level, my opportunities, even my appearance.

Why? Why can I be blessed by another woman and her gifts and abilities and then struggle to find contentment with myself?”

Why does someone else's success threaten mine? Click To Tweet

Maybe it is because…. Continue reading Why do I do that?

Who is carrying your team?

How many times in your marriage relationship have you asked a question that begins with “What if?”

She asks “What if I go to all this effort & he doesn’t notice?”

He asks, “What if I try & she rejects me and says it’s not good enough?”

So many things we decide not to do because of ‘What if?”

But what if we both get serious about this relationship and be willing to do the next hard thing.  We want so much for love to be easy, but it’s not.  It is hard to humble ourselves and give

Out of love

true love

God given love

That we committed to at some point in our life.

Too often somewhere along the line, one or both of us started living complacent.  We became willing to get by

Not addressing the issues

Letting things ride

But under the surface we are starting to feel something

A disappointment

Or an aggravation

Or an anger

That begins to boil

And creates an internal distance

Which eventually becomes a visible distance!

Then it becomes much more difficult to work through than if we faced it right away.

I know- I KNOW- it’s hard!
Ren & I have been married 35 years- WE KNOW!

But Continue reading Who is carrying your team?

I do love you! I think?

You look over at this person next to you!

You still see his handsome features, the ones that attracted you to him when you first met. You see the lines that are forming on his face, just as they are on yours.  You know that look when one eye brow seems to clamp tighter around his eye, while the other one remains the same- as if one part of him was uptight and the other part relaxed.

You look at her, years of motherhood and caring for a family and her world have changed her.  But peering from behind all that are the eyes of the beautiful, young girl that won your heart so long ago.  She still reaches up and plays with that small tuft of hair right by her ear as she is deep in thought or developing some creative vision.

You love him!  You love her! Really love from a place so deep you never knew it existed.

But today….Argh! Continue reading I do love you! I think?

Is your marriage on your list?

Did your marriageThe beginning of the next- a new page, a new start!  We did or didn’t make resolutions about our health, our job, and our future. We set goals for our projects for the year.  We chose a WORD to focus on. We clarified our vision!  All great stuff!  And probably you either feel invigorated by the process or it has left you feeling a weight that seems overwhelming!

I made three resolutions this year with more specifics than I’l share here, but this will give you the general idea. Continue reading Is your marriage on your list?

Before the Resolution!

What keeps us from Keeping our New Year’s Resolutions? 

  1. We make resolutions or goals that are NOT true to ourselves.

Often goals are task oriented- which is great for the task oriented person who loves to check off a list of things done, who does a task for the sake of the task needing to be done.

But that doesn’t work for the person who is relational at the core- like me.  I don’t do things just because they need to be done.  I do them because it affects a relationship I care about.

Simple example, a task oriented person does the dishes because they need to be done.

A relational person does them because their spouse or their family benefit from having them done.

 So lets use ‘health’  as one of our resolutions for 2015, because chances are it is on everyone’s list to some degree.   The task oriented person will likely choose that goal because they see that this needs to be done to do life well.  The relational person will choose this goal because they want to be in the lives of the people in their world.

 Now I know that is over simplifying  because many of us have a bit of task and relationship in our personality.  But understanding this about yourself can be very freeing.   You begin to realize you are not right- or wrong- just different.

 A question you can ask is  Continue reading Before the Resolution!

Living Open Handed: Dear Grief

I was challenged by my story partner friend to take Kate Motaung’s challenge to write a letter to grief. Since it ties in with my recent series on Living Open Handed, I choose to share this here also.

 

Dear Grief,

I don’t think I want to talk to you!

I’ve spent so many years struggling to survive your choke hold on my life!

I’ve crawled through your tunnel

Filled with muck- dark and slimy

So deep that with each step I sunk farther

O

Until it began to paralyze my legs

Then my torso and my arms

Finally my face

Silencing my voice

Blind folding my sight

Dulling my ability to hear as you filled my ears with your lies.

I could barely find my next breath

OH

let alone move.

Continue reading Living Open Handed: Dear Grief

Living Open Handed: Pivot to See God

Open handedThis is the 4th and final post in the series Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World. If you have missed the previous posts, it would be helpful to go back and read them in order to understand how we got to this post.  Links are provided below.

1. Living Open Handed in a White Knuckle World
2
. Living Open Handed: I have a need!
3
. Living Open Handed: Express Honestly

Through these posts,

  • we have identified our fears that cause us to create fist
  • then opened the little finger to admit or acknowledge we have a need.
  • Next we lifted the ring finger and wrote a psalm including those fears and needs.

Now we are ready to open the middle finger which stands for P: PIVOT. Continue reading Living Open Handed: Pivot to See God

Living Open Handed: Express Honestly

This is the third in a series on LIVING OPEN HANDED.  If you missed them, it might be helpful to go back so you understand how we got to this post.
1. LIVING OPEN HANDED: Do Not Fear 

2. LIVING OPEN HANDED: I have a Need

Open handedRecognizing our fear and acknowledging we have a need leads us to
open up our ring finger for E: EXPRESS HONESTLY———-

Continue reading Living Open Handed: Express Honestly

Living OPEN Handed: I have a NEED

This is the second post in the Living Open Handed series.

Let’s consider what it takes to LIVE with OPEN HANDS, in a white knuckle world.
Open handedI ask you make a fist again- because generally that is what our hand looks like when we are afraid. Now, consider your knuckles as a tool to help you remember how to OPEN your hands.

But we are going to work backwards.

First, Open your little finger and recall the N stands for:
I HAVE NEED——

When we experience fear, we become aware that we are in need.  We don’t often admit it, but we usually NEED God to show up in a big way.  However, too often we don’t go to God first.  Instead we have to recognize that a fear appears most often because a NEED we have is being compromised.  maslov's hierarch of needs

If you consider Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs that I studied in my classes for coaching, maybe you can identify what need is trampled in some way.

But another way to come to terms with your needs is to read the Psalms. 

How many times as you read through the Psalms do you find a Psalmist that is voicing your hearts cry.

In regard to your fears (refer to your list you made yesterday), what are the needs that are not being met? Write them down next to the fear.  Be as descriptive as you can be.  It will help with the next step in tomorrow’s post. 

Missed the first post, click here! 

Want to read the next one- here it is!